Page 57 of Jeremy
Myheart finds a normal rhythm again, and I realize how my reaction must’veaffected Melissa. I don’t believe she had anything to do with the shooting.I’ve seen how little control the women of True Life have over their lives. Andthey aren’t privy to any information about shit like that, so I can’t imagineshe knew what they were planning. But I need to hear it from her. I love thefuck out of her, but if she knowingly let twenty-two people die for her cult…Ican’t even think about it without bile rising in my throat.
WhenI walk back in, she’s moved to the couch. She hears me and sits up straight,wiping her eyes. Her shoulders are squared, her chin lifted. I recognize thestance from fighting my own battles. She’s prepared to hear the worst, and tokeep control while she bears it.
Myvoice doesn’t sound like my own, as if I’ve been gargling gravel when I ask. “Didyou know what they were planning? Was there any way you could’ve prevented it?”
Theroom is so quiet I can hear the softpuhsound her lips make as theypart. “No, I didn’t know anything until the day after it happened. We weren’tallowed any outside media. I knew something was up because Anthony was on atear, drinking and screaming, scaring the kids. I told one of the other guys Iwas going to run after some tampons—none of them would want that chore—and wentto the library.
“Ihad heard Anthony yelling about SWAT and about a den of excess, which was howhe always referred to shopping centers. It didn’t take me a few minutes to findout what they did. I ran outside and threw up. They treated us badly, thewomen, but I never suspected they were capable of a massacre like that. Allthey ever preached was how we had to spread the word about working together.”
Hertear-filled eyes plead with me to believe her. “They never made a threat toanyone outside the cult. Only us. Only that we couldn’t leave.”
Islide my hand into hers, and my voice softens. “Or what?”
“Theydidn’t say, exactly. Just ‘no one leaves’.”
“Theyknew you’d fill in the most terrifying consequences you could imagine.”
Sniffing,she sits back and pulls her knees to her chest. “Well, it worked. They chosepeople who had no family or who were estranged from them. And by the timeanyone would realize they wanted out, they were broke, and had noidentification. How do you run from a group of people when you can’t even feedyourself?”
“Howdid you escape?”
“Theydidn’t know I had money or a driver’s license. I had an old state I.D card Ihanded over, then I buried my driver’s license and debit card.”
“Younever considered calling the cops?”
Melissashakes her head. “I don’t know how long you’ve been investigating them, butthere’s an officer who belongs. Officer Henreid. He’s recruited a few women. Hemade it clear we all came there voluntarily, handed over everything voluntarily,and there was no crime in that. Also, we used to grow pot up on the back hill.He showed us a newspaper article where a guy got one year in prison for everyplant, and cautioned us if we ever thought about reporting a crime to thepolice instead of the First Men, we’d all spend the rest of our lives inprison.”
Shelooks me in the eye. “If I could go back knowing what I know now, I’d do thingsso differently. I’d run earlier, go to the cops, tell them all I could. But Ididn’t know. I didn’t know they were going to hurt anyone.”
Isit beside her and pull her into my arms. “I believe you.”
“I’mso sorry. I was stupid. Even once they started all that First Men bullshit, Ididn’t mind because Dillon was one of them, and he said he loved me. And mostof the time he acted like it. It wasn’t until Kelly fell out of favor with thembecause she wouldn’t fuck Maxwell—another of the First Men who did the shooting—thatwe bumped heads.
“Theysent her from the big house down to live in the trailers with the newbies,where there was no power. Her food was so limited I used to sneak her moreuntil Dillon caught me. He…punished me. It was the first time I tried to talkKelly into running, but she was so afraid. So conditioned by them.”
Thevein on my temple thumps as I ask, “How did he punish you?”
Shehides her face in me, and my anger grows. She’s ashamed which means this isgoing to get bad really fast.
“Baby,you never have to tell another soul after this, and I’ll take it to my grave.Whatever he did should be his shame to carry, not yours.”
“Heloaned me to Anthony. Said he could fuck some obedience into me. When Iwouldn’t do it, they tied me to a bed, and took turns.” The last few words comeout in a broken sob. “They laughed and said brothers always share.”
Mybody trembles with restrained rage as I try to contain it. The last thing sheneeds is for me to frighten her. “They’re brothers.”
“Yes.The day after Dillon’s death, Anthony told me I belonged to him. Less than aday later, I ran.”
Ihug her tighter. “Mel, is there any chance the baby is Anthony’s?”
Hervoice is a bit muffled by my shirt, but I can make out the words. “No, thenight they tied me to the bed was a month before I ran. I knew I was going to,but I was waiting for a good moment, and trying to convince Kelly to come withme. Calvin was Dillon’s. He forced me again the night before they left forIndianapolis.”
Weboth fall quiet for a while, as I try to reign in the rage that wants me to gobeat that motherfucker Anthony until he’s way past dead. He raped Melissa. Nowonder she was so terrified when she saw him in that pizza place. I assumed itwas because she left, and he was a leader. Not this.
“Thisis why I told you to wait to decide what role, if any, you want in Calvin’slife. I didn’t know you lost someone in the shooting, but I knew I’d have totell you about the cult. That I was a part of it.”
Ilift her chin until she’s looking at me. “I’m his father. And I signed the birthcertificate so there’s never any doubt. Calvin never has to know. He can growup without the stigma of being the offspring of a mass murderer. Blood doesn’tmake a family, Mel. My parents never loved me. I was just a showpiece, like afancy piece of furniture, and occasionally, a burden. They were blood, but notfamily. Us, we’re family, but not blood, and I’m never letting that go.”
Herforehead presses to mine, and she whispers, “I love you.”
