Page 14 of Jeremy
“Helikes it!” she cries.
“See,baby, I told you. The nice woman will give him a good home.”
Thegirl nods. “He’s going to be her best friend.”
Themother gives me a grateful look, and they head back to her minivan, where abrood of other children wait.
“Well,buddy. Let’s go home,” I tell him.
Whenthe girl explained to me no one wanted Woody because he’s hyper, I thought,he’s just a puppy, of course he’s excitable. He’ll calm down.
No.
Thisis no puppy. I’m convinced he’s part cheetah, part rabbit, with a bit of T-rexthrown in the mix. He darts back and forth through the house, then tries tojump up on everything with those short little legs. It’s the most adorablething I’ve ever seen, and Agnes and I get a lot of laughs from him. When hedoes wear out, it’s like someone flipped a switch. I swear he can practicallyfall asleep mid-air.
Afterdinner, he falls asleep on my bed while I try to read. The cheesy chicken andrice didn’t agree with my stomach, and it’s been turning for the last fewminutes. A wave of nausea washes over me, and I rush to the bathroom. Thefeeling passes without a re-emergence of my dinner, but waxes and wanes a bitas I sit on the bathroom floor.
“Melissa,are you okay, hun?” Agnes peeks in the door I’ve left ajar.
“Yeah,you might want to stay back. I think I’ve caught a bug. My stomach is upset.”
Shewets a washcloth and drapes it across the back of my neck. “This used to helpme when I had morning sickness with my son.” Tilting her head, she considersher question before she asks, “Could you be pregnant?”
“No,”I laugh. “That’s not it.”
“Ionly asked because you were complaining about your skin breaking out, andthat’s a sign. Hormones, you know.”
Mystomach settles, and I stand up. “I haven’t missed a period.” Although my lasttwo were very light and short, which is out of the ordinary for me.
Agnesnods. “I bled a bit with my daughter the first few months. You may want to takea test just in case.”
“Thanks,but I haven’t…” A sick feeling washes over me that has nothing to do withhormones. Three months. It’s been three months since he last…since I left TrueLife. I should’ve gotten a morning after pill. I meant to, but it slipped mymind with everything else I had to do to return to society.
Surely,life can’t be that cruel.
#
Lifeis cruel. Horrifically, sometimes almost comically cruel.
Forthe last couple of months while I’ve been trying to adjust, I’ve also beenbemoaning the fact that I’m alone. More than once I’ve wished for the samething everyone wants…a family. It’s like some demonic genie heard me anddecided to grant my wish in the worst way possible. I’m a twenty-two-year-oldex-cult member who has just started to find my way again. The last thing I needis to be responsible for another life. Not to mention, it’s his.
Dillon’s.
Theman who tormented me for so long is dead, but it seems he’s found a way to liveon and screw up my new beginning from the grave. I don’t know what to do. Myfirst impulse is to terminate the pregnancy, but I also know I’m not in anymental state to make that decision. If I do decide to go that route, it willhave to be really soon.
SinceI didn’t find out about the pregnancy until now, when I must be pretty faralong, I don’t have much time to make that decision. All the horror of theconception aside, I want a family. Maybe I didn’t want a child now, while I’myoung and on my own, but if I pass up this chance, I may regret it.
Agnesconvinces me not to make a decision until I’ve been to the doctor.
Todayis my appointment, and though she offered to come along, I know how hard it isfor her to maneuver on the crutches. So, I’m here alone.
Thedoctor is very nice, and I feel a bit more at ease with him. He has a verycalming smile.
Heenters the room a few minutes after the nurse had me give a urine sample.
“Congratulations,Ms. Sanders. The test was positive.”
Thelittle bit of hope I was holding onto that maybe the home test was a falsereading fizzles. “I’ve still been having a period,” I tell him.
