Page 44 of Tucker
Heturns his head and stares out the window. “Don’t think so. Haven’t been to thesupermarket in a while.”
Itake the exit for the grocery store once we get close to his place and make aquick trip inside while he waits for me in the truck. He’s barely holdinghimself together and I just want to get him home where maybe he’ll feel secureenough to talk about it.
Ican’t imagine what he’s going through. He told me that she’s been dead for fouryears, that he’d mourned her, and I’m sure he believed that until now. It’sdifferent when you know for sure you’ll never see that person again. I’ve neverdealt with a close death, but in my line of work, grief is a common enemy. Ijust hope I can help him through his.
I’mamazed to see how much the farm has changed since I’ve been gone. The treesfelled by the storm have been cut up or burned and a new swing hangs from adifferent tree. Furniture in different stages of assembly is scattered underthe carport. Tucker has obviously been staying busy.
Wedon’t speak while we carry the groceries inside. Tucker grabs a glass ofwhiskey and sits at the counter, watching me as I prepare a pot of chili fordinner. Once it’s simmering, we head to the living room.
Ican’t help but remember our time on the couch when I sit next to him. All thetimes he sat and watched TV while I wrote, when we cuddled there through thestorm, him sliding inside me as the cushions slid out from under us. This isn’tabout me, though.
“Wereyou there when she passed?” I ask.
Sighing,he sits back and nods. “I knew she was getting close. They told me months ago.Her mother found a place she thought could help her. She never stopped lookingfor a way to bring her back. That’s why I was leaving and looking for ahousesitter when you moved in; her mother was going to move her across thecountry. The plans fell through once she took a turn for the worse, and she hadto stay where she was.”
Ifinally understand why he was so upset when he returned. “I shouldn’t haveinsisted on staying. If I’d known what you were dealing with, I wouldn’t havegotten in your way.”
Hiseyes resemble pools of mercury as they meet mine. “You weren’t in my way. Youbeing here helped me more than I can explain. The same way it’s helping metonight.”
Islide my hand into his. “I’m here for as long as you need me. I can help youmake funeral arrangements tomorrow.”
“Hermother is handling it. She has made it very clear I have no rights here and totell you the truth, I’d rather let her do it. Kathi and I never discussed whatwe’d want done in the case of our deaths, and by the time she got hurt, it waslike we barely knew each other. Her mother would know better what she’d want.”
“Okay.”
There’snot much else I can say. All I can do is be close to him and hope that bringssome kind of comfort. He changes the subject, and we talk about other things.My new job, his furniture business and a few assignments he went on forStriking Back. When the chili is done, we eat and then sit on the porch towatch the sun go down.
Tuckersuddenly laughs aloud, and I smile at him. “What?”
“Sheused to fart herself awake.”
What?
“Kathi,she used to fart in the middle of the night then sit up and say ‘What?’ Used tocrack me up.”
Hislaughter ceases and he wipes a few tears from his cheeks. “She sounds like shewas a lot of fun. I’m sorry I didn’t know her.”
“Shewould’ve liked you,” he says, getting to his feet. “I think I’m going to go tobed. I have the guest room made up for you.”
Iunderstand he needs time alone, so I just hug him and let him go. “Come get meif you need me, no matter how late.”
Witha nod, he heads inside.
Isit on the porch for the next hour or so, listening to the sounds of the forestand thinking about how quickly things change and how helpless we are to stopit. No matter what happens, no matter how much you hurt or struggle, no matterwhat is going on in one person’s life, time just keeps marching, dragging usalong with it.
Tuckerhas been through so much. I hope he can move on now and heal.
Finally,I return to the kitchen to clean up, and give the living room a quick tidyingup as well. Old habits die hard.
Itake the guest room across from Tucker’s in case he needs me. It’s been a long,emotional day and I’m asleep in minutes. At some point during the night, I waketo find strong arms wrapped around me and I turn into him, holding him tight.We don’t speak, just hold each other until we both succumb to sleep again.
Chapter Thirteen
Tucker
Idon’t know how I would’ve gotten through the past few days without Leah by myside. She didn’t try to make me talk, just silently supported me, made sure Iate and didn’t drink too much. I slept in her bed the second night as well,unable to stand being away from her when I knew she was so close.
I’mshocked at how I handled this. I thought I had dealt with her death years ago,accepted that she was gone. But she wasn’t really gone until I couldn’t go talkto her in the hospital anymore.
