Page 38 of Tucker
Leahisn’t in the hall and I’m afraid she’s left until I find her leaning againstthe truck, shivering. I don’t know whether it’s from the cold or the situation.
She’ssilent as I unlock the truck and she gets inside. About halfway home, shespeaks up, her voice wavering. “I’m so sorry.”
Ilay my hand on her leg. “You have nothing to be sorry for.”
“Igot you to do something you didn’t want to do. Something you regret. If I’dknown, I never would have…I never would’ve wanted you to cheat on your wife. Iswear, I’m not the type to fuck a married man, no matter the circumstances.”
Itkills me that she regrets it, but I try not to show it. “I don’t regretsleeping with you, Leah. Not at all. And I’m a grown man. You didn’t trick meinto anything. I’m responsible for my own actions. I know you don’t completelyunderstand what’s going on. As soon as we get home, I’ll tell you everything.”
Thestory isn’t an easy one to tell and add to that the fact I’ve never told anyone.It’s not a conversation I want to have while I’m driving.
Shenods and stares quietly out the window for the rest of the ride home.
Theyard is a slushy mess, but she barely pays attention as she makes her wayinside. “I’m going to tend to the generator. I’ll be right behind you,” Ipromise.
Mychest gets tighter by the second at the thought of telling her what happened. Isee how she looks at me now, like I’m someone to be admired, but all that willend tonight. I quickly feed and water the animals and let the goats out for thefirst time since the storm hit. Once I fill the generators, I fire them up andhead inside.
Shehas straightened up the living room that had become a mess from us camping init for days, and is sitting on the couch with her laptop. I know writing is herway to deal, but I’d hate to see what she’s writing right now.
WhenI enter, she sets the laptop aside and pulls her knees up to her chest,wrapping her arms around them. “You don’t owe me an explanation, Tucker. I cansee how much you don’t want to talk about this.”
Witha sigh, I sit beside her. “I don’t want to, I need to, and not just for yourbenefit, although I want you to understand. I’ve never told anyone. I thinkit’s time.”
Nodding,she waits for me to continue.
Chapter Eleven
Leah
Iwant to tell him not to say it, try to let him off the hook, anything to wipethat look of fear and dread from his face, but I stay quiet. I think he’sright. This is something he needs to get out.
Hedoesn’t look at me when he begins. “We met when she was in college. I wastwenty and she was eighteen. I worked painting houses and we’d been hired topaint some of the campus buildings. I tried to talk to her every time shepassed by. I also asked her out every time which drove her crazy,” he chuckles,and I can see he’s lost in the memories now.
“Finally,she said yes, and we started dating regularly after that. She was so differentfrom me. I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life and she had hers allplanned out. She was studying to be a marine biologist.” He chuckles again. “Iused to tease her because we didn’t have an ocean anywhere near us, but she wasdetermined.”
“Wemoved in together when she graduated, and I knew I had to do something with mylife other than odd jobs so I joined the military. I thought it would be a goodfit for me. I’d work my way up into a career and have a steady paycheck while Idid it. I had no idea what I was getting myself into.
“Shesupported me at first, but eventually it wore on her. I was deployed more oftenthan I was home and always into a war zone. She landed a great job at a localaquarium and was thrilled with her work, so it was never an option for her tocome with me even when my assignments weren’t dangerous. She never wanted tolive on a military base. She was terrified of losing me, but more afraid oflosing herself and all she worked for, I think.”
“Myfirst term was up and I had to decide whether to re-enlist. I wanted to. It wasall I knew and I was being promoted faster than most. She didn’t want me toleave again and we argued. We fought for weeks until I came home and informedher I’d re-enlisted. It was too late.”
Herubs his forehead with his palm. “I was a young, stupid asshole who thought heknew what was best. I never gave her a choice. I didn’t realize just howunhappy she was until I was deployed again and received divorce papers while Iwas in the Middle East.”
“Oh,I’m sorry,” I breathe.
Nomatter how unhappy she was, filing for divorce while someone is dodging bulletsis a terrible thing to do.
Astrained smile stretches his lips. “I deserved it. I wasn’t listening to her.She tried to reason with me.”
“So,you’re divorced?”
“No,before it could move forward, I ended up breaking the law and was courtmartialed. I spent almost four years in prison.”
Hespits the words as if they’re on fire, and I’m seized by a cold panic.
Ican’t help it. I have to know.
“Youspent four years in prison? What…for what crime?” I really don’t know this manat all, do I?
