Page 39 of Tucker
“Involuntarymanslaughter.”
Holyfuck.
I’mnot one to judge just because someone has done time. Derek served three yearsfor what he did for me. Involuntary manslaughter is what people are usuallycharged with when it’s an accident, isn’t it? “Did you do it? Was it anaccident?”
“Yes,I did it, but it wasn’t really an accident. One of my buddies I had been withsince basic training just lost his shit one night and attacked an Afghani girl.She couldn’t have been more than fourteen. When I found them, he was raping herwhile she pleaded in broken English for him to stop. He wouldn’t stop, and Ilost my temper and shot him. I aimed for his leg. I didn’t try to kill him, buthe got an infection and died a week later. I was court martialed, dishonorablydischarged, and locked up for nearly four years.”
Tuckerjumps when I put my hand over his. “I’m sorry. He was raping her. Theyshould’ve taken that into account when you were tried.”
Sighing,he shakes his head. “That’s the only reason I wasn’t given twenty to life. Butit wasn’t a good enough reason. They didn’t really see the Afghanis as people.My commanding officer told me I should’ve let him finish and filed a report.”
“That’sbullshit.” We’re quiet for a few moments before I ask. “How did Kathi reactwhen you were sent away?”
“Shewrote me a few times, but she was having financial difficulties of her ownafter the aquarium laid her off. All that education and she couldn’t find a job.She ended up working at a shitty little convenience store. Neither of us hadthe money to pursue the divorce, so we just stayed married, although I know shewent on to date other people. And really, what could I say about it? I wasthousands of miles away in a concrete cell.”
Heswallows hard, and I squeeze his hand. Whatever he’s getting ready to say isclearly the hardest part for him. “When I had a year left to serve, I was toldshe was in the hospital in critical condition. I tried like hell to get furlough,to get to visit her, but they wouldn’t let me. The only news I received abouther was from her mother who hated me and found comfort in writing to tell mehow much her daughter was suffering.”
“Fuck,”I murmur, not really knowing what else to say. The whole situation isheartbreaking.
“Shewas working the night shift at that shitty little convenience store and twomasked men came in to rob her.” His voice wavers, and I squeeze his handtighter, but I don’t think he even registers I’m here right now. The story ispouring out of him.
“Shegave them the money, everything in the drawer and the safe. They could’ve left,but they didn’t. Instead they dragged her back to the storeroom and took turnsraping her until she was unconscious. Then they shot her in the head.”
Thelast few words come out in a sob and tears run down my face as I wrap my armsaround him. He buries his face in my neck and I just hold him for a minute.
Whenhe’s composed himself a little, he sits back and continues, “She was there forover an hour before anyone found her. She lay there alone and suffering. Thedoctors said if she’d gotten prompt medical attention she may have recovered,but she was all alone.”
Hisfist pounds against his chest, making me jump. “I wasn’t there. The only womanI had ever loved suffered alone on a dirty tile floor because I wasn’t there. Isaved an Afghani girl, but not my own wife.”
“Stop!”I grab his fist and smooth it out, feeling it open in my hand. “Tucker, I’m sosorry for everything that happened to you and your wife, but it wasn’t yourfault. No one can protect another person every second.”
“IfI hadn’t re-enlisted…”
“Youcanifyourself to death, Tucker, but we both know it doesn’t work thatway. No one can predict the future. No one knows how one action will lead tothe next. Life is a damn row of dominoes and once that first one is shovedover, we’re just along for the ride.”
“No.My selfish decisions led her to that job.”
Sighing,I look him in the eye and rub my palm across his cheek to catch the tears thatslowly drip.
“Isthat why you keep her on life support? Or do you still hope she’ll wake?”
“No.She won’t wake. We knew that from the beginning. She’s brain dead. Everyspecialist agreed we needed to let her go, but her mother wouldn’t sign thedamn paper.”
Iunderstand it must be the hardest thing for a parent to bear, but leaving themto suffer because you have false hope is just as devastating. “But you werestill her husband by law?” Shouldn’t his word supersede the mother’s?
“Yes,but I still had a year left to serve. She went to court and they didn’thesitate to make her a legal guardian. I never had a say after that. She didn’teven want me to visit, but I think she understood I’d fight her for that. I raninto her a few times and she would always yell and scream at me, get us bothkicked out of the hospital, so now I go on Saturdays, the one day I know shedoesn’t visit.”
“I’mso sorry, Tucker. I understand why you feel the way you do, but none of this isyour fault. You didn’t hurt her. Not physically. And she wanted a divorce. Shewas dating other people. Even if you hadn’t gone to prison, you wouldn’t havebeen together. You wouldn’t have been there when she was attacked.”
Helays his head back on the couch and closes his eyes. “I wish I could believethat.” His arm slips around me. “I don’t want to talk about her anymore rightnow, okay?”
“Okay.”
“Ijust needed you to understand. You and I, I just can’t. We’re still married.She’s still my wife even if—
“Iget it,” I interrupt before he can continue explaining. I do understand, butthat doesn’t mean it hurts any less. I’ve gotten way too attached to Tuckerover the past few months and if there’s one thing I know now, it’s that I haveto leave. I can’t be near him without caring for him. Without falling for him.
Hispained eyes meet mine. “If I could be with someone, Leah. If I was capable ofloving someone again, it’d be you.”
