Page 57 of Justus
It’stime to retire the pigs. I’ve been thinking about it for a while before I foundHannah. No matter how good we are, eventually someone is going to notice themissing predators, and link it back to us. I’ll have to talk to the guys andhope they agree. Either way, I’m not the executioner anymore.
Bowingmy head, I mumble, “Sade, there’s something else.” This is what I’ve beendreading the most. No matter the circumstances I was in, I know this is goingto hurt her. The thought of her even talking to some doctor has me seeing red,if another guy had touched her, I’d be losing it.
“WhenI was undercover, I had to do some things I’m not proud of. I need you to knowI never would have cheated on you if I’d had a choice. I had to get to Hannah.I—
Jumpingto her feet, she glares down at me. “What the hell does that mean…cheated onme? You fucked someone else?”
Istand and reach for her, but she takes a step back. “Answer me. Did you fucksomeone else?” she demands.
“Theman who was in charge of the trafficking ring wouldn’t make a deal with meuntil I incriminated myself. He met me at a hotel and sprung it on me, held meand the woman at gunpoint. I’m so sorry, sweetheart. I had to. He might havekilled us both if I didn’t.”
Tearsstand in her eyes and she shakes her head, taking a step back. “You fucked awoman who was being forced into it?”
“No!The FBI had an agent undercover as well. She let herself be captured by them,and that’s the woman they brought me. She didn’t want to. I didn’t want to, butwe knew we had to if we were going to survive and take those assholes down.They had over fifty women. Fifty girls ranging in age from fourteen totwenty-five. I’m so sorry, but I didn’t have a choice.”
Tearsstream down her face as she turns and runs away. Fuck.
Icatch up with her down the path where she sits on a wooden bench, her armswrapped around her drawn up knees, silent sobs shaking her body. Guilt boils inmy stomach. Sadie is always such a happy person, upbeat and hopeful even whenher mother was in danger. Look what I’ve done to her.
“Sweetheart,please, don’t cry. It’s tearing me up.” When I sit next to her, she shakes herhead, keeping it down, her face hidden.
“Youtouched her, kissed her, was inside her.”
God,I knew that feeling. Just the thought of someone else touching her naked bodymakes me want to puke.
“No,baby.” I wrap my arm around her, relieved when she doesn’t resist. “I didn’tkiss her or touch her the way you’re picturing. I didn’t want her. It was justa quick meaningless fuck. I had trouble even staying hard until…” Shit. Maybe Ishouldn’t tell her that.
“Untilwhat?” she demands, wiping her face.
“UntilI closed my eyes and pictured you. It was so awful. Two guys were watching us,one with a gun in his hand, and even though she told me it was okay, I knew shedidn’t want it just as much as I didn’t. All I feel is guilt. Guilt for goingthrough with it, even though I know there was nothing else I could do. Guiltfor fucking a woman who didn’t want me.”
Pullingher closer to me, I press my lips to her hair. “But it’s nothing compared tothe guilt I feel for hurting you. I just couldn’t have that secret between us.I swear I didn’t want her. I’m not a cheater, Sade. If you can forgive me, I’llnever hurt you again, I swear.”
Secondsturn to minutes as we sit in silence, both deep in thought. Could I have done thisdifferently? How can I regret what I’ve done when it brought Hannah back to me?Does that make me just another selfish asshole?
Finally,she heaves a deep sigh. “I can’t blame you. I believe that you did it to savethe agent, yourself, and your sister, but…it hurts. It really fucking hurts.”
“Iknow, sweetheart. I’m so sorry.”
Herglassy eyes gaze into mine. “Do you really love me?”
Herskin is so soft as I brush my palm over her damp cheek. “More than I everthought it was possible to love anyone. I’m terrified of losing you, but ifthis is all too much to forgive, I understand.”
“Youdon’t need my forgiveness for rescuing your sister. She’s lucky to have you.”
“Ineed you to forgive me for hurting you. I want you to trust me.”
“Ido. I forgive you and trust you. I swear, it seems like something is trying tokeep us apart and cause trouble. My mom, your sister, no one is to blame, butwe’ve struggled with constant drama. I just want to put it all behind us, okay?We’ll do our best to help our families, but I need you to tell me whensomething is going on. No more disappearing.”
Relieflike I’ve never felt before rushes through me. “I promise. Whatever happens,I’ll be honest. We’ll talk about it.”
Aftera few minutes of silence, I ask, “Are we okay now, Sadie?”
“Yeah,I think we are,” she replies, and brings her lips to mine.
Ourkiss is slow and soft, healing something inside both of us. “Sade…”
“Hmm?”she says, absently, playing with my hair.
