Page 46 of Justus
Mylegs feel weak as I slide into a chair.
“Shewas doing okay until yesterday when she said she was nauseous. I tried to gether to go to the doctor, but she refused, said it was probably something sheate. Then I heard her call my name, and by the time I got to her room, she wasunconscious. Barely breathing.”
Squeezinghis hand, I reassure him. “You did everything you could. There was no way youcould know she was having a heart attack.”
“They’vemoved her to the top of the transplant list, but it’s a long shot.”
“Alwayshas been,” I sigh. “Will they let me in to see her?”
“Onlyonce per hour for fifteen minutes at a time. It’s been long enough. Go ahead,”he says, gesturing toward the door. “The nurse at the desk will let you in.”
Itake a deep breath outside her door, steeling myself for what I know won’t bean easy sight. The wheeze of the respirator and steady beeping of themonitoring equipment fill the room where Mom lies, hooked up to so many wiresand tubes I can’t tell which is connected to what machine.
Hermouth is open, the tube disappearing into it, tape covering her cheeks to holdit in place. Tears fill my eyes as I approach and as much as I don’t want tocause her pain by waking her, I want her to know I’m here. “Mom, can you hearme?”
Hereyes flutter open and I see the recognition in them as she squeezes my hand.“I’m right here. I’m staying until you’re better.”
Hereyelids fall shut again, and I spend the next fifteen minutes just sittingbeside her while she sleeps. There’s nothing else I can do. It’s the mosthelpless I’ve ever felt.
* * * *
Thenext few days drag by in a blur. Doug and I take turns staying at the hospital,and finally, on the third day, there’s some improvement. She’s breathing on herown, and they can remove the breathing tube.
Imake a call to my employer, who agrees to put me on a leave of absence untilfurther notice. Mom may not want me to, but I don’t care. There’s no way I’mleaving now.
“Sadie,”Mom whispers as I take a seat beside her. A slight smile tilts her lips. “I’msorry to make you come back here.”
“Don’tbe silly, Mom. Nobody made me do anything. How are you feeling?”
“Better,but a bit weak. Where is your fiancé?” Mom smiles at the nurse who is changingher IV bag. “You should see the guy my daughter is marrying. Whew. Hotter thanthe devil’s armpit.”
“Mom,”I laugh, glad to see she’s feeling better. The nurse laughs with us, thenexcuses herself.
“Hecouldn’t get off work,” I reply, sure she can see through my lie.
Iwas tempted to call Justus. Truthfully, it was my first instinct when Dougcalled, but after not hearing from him for so long, I just couldn’t. Even if heagreed to go with me, it would be out of pity, and I don’t want that. It’s notlike there’s anything he could do anyway.
Dr.Lawrence enters with my brother right behind him. The strange expressions onboth of their faces sends my heart racing. “What’s wrong?” I demand.
“S-Sade…”Doug stammers.
“Whatis it?” I repeat, my body feeling strangely light.
“DoctorLawrence says he…” Doug shakes his head, tears filling his eyes.
“Wefound a heart,” Dr. Lawrence announces. “We need to prep Amber for surgeryimmediately.”
ChapterTen
Justus
Hannahis home with me, but not for much longer. The rehab facility promised to have aplace for her in a few days. Zoe and Ayda have spent a lot of time with us aswell, helping out and trying to distract her from the torture of withdrawal.I’ve never had much sympathy for addicts, considering they caused the damage tothemselves, but I wouldn’t wish Hannah’s pain on anyone.
It’ssleep that’s the most difficult for her, and I don’t think she’s gotten fivehours since she came home from the hospital three days ago. According to the doctor,that’s normal for someone withdrawing from opiates. The lecture and literatureI was given on opiate dependence and recovery is heartbreaking.
Dependingon how long she’s been using, the after effects could last for years. Theinitial withdrawal is only a week or so, and some of her symptoms are startingto fade. The muscle cramps and jitteriness, nausea and headaches have lessened,but she has a long way to go.
Insomnia,anxiety, depression, trouble with cognition and thinking. All of these are longterm symptoms of Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome, a condition that can takeyears to resolve after the patient is clean.
