Page 46 of Dare
Iwish I was. “Yes, you heard other women, but they were just one night stands.I’ve never been the playboy type, but after three years in prison, I neededsomething and they filled the gap.”
Hereyes widen and she starts picking at a fingernail. “Prison?”
“Yes,I got out almost a year ago.”
“Whatdid you do time for?” she whispers.
“Iwas charged with attempted murder, but they convicted me on the lesser chargeof aggravated assault.”
Shefalls silent for a moment, processing the information. Her knees draw up andshe wraps her arms around them. The distance between us suddenly feels like TheGrand Canyon, and the thought she’s now afraid of me twists my stomach.
“Whatdid you do?”
“Mykid sister came to me when she was in her senior year of high school and toldme what had been happening to her. Our uncle had been molesting her, rapingher, for years.” I stumble over the words and have to cough to clear my throat.“Since she was a little girl.”
Asoft hand climbs into mine as I continue. I’m not really seeing the off whitewalls around me anymore, my mind is focused on that spring day that changedeverything. “I’ve never been so pissed, before or since, and there was nothinganyone could’ve done to stop me from giving that sick bastard what he hadcoming. I beat him until the cops showed up and pulled me off.”
Thereare things I can’t tell her, things that are mine to keep. The way the grassturned crimson with the man’s blood, how it sprayed into my face and splashedmy clothes, the sound of crunching, breaking bone beneath my fists. But most ofall, she can never know the only part I do feel shame about. How much I enjoyedit, his screams and pleading cries.
Howmany times had my sister begged him to stop, only to be ignored and tortured?Her tear streaked face was all I could see, and every punch and resultingshriek felt like a victory for her. I hate it that I have that kind of violencein me, and that I’m capable of enjoying it, but I don’t regret what I did. Evenif he’d died, I would still know I did what I could for her, even if it was toolittle, too late.
“Youdidn’t kill him,” she says, and I’m not sure if it’s a question or areassurance.
“No,but not for lack of trying. I paralyzed him.”
Hersoft legs are warm against mine as she straddles my lap and lays her hands onmy shoulders. “You were protecting your family. You shouldn’t have gone toprison for that.”
“Youcan’t take the law into your own hands and not face the consequences. I knewwhat would happen to me, but I didn’t care.”
“Becauseyou were doing the right thing,” she says, before dropping a soft kiss on mylips.
Ihope she really believes that. “There’s more. I need you to understand I’m notjust putting myself at risk by telling you this. Even if you never want to seeme again, I need you to swear you’ll keep this secret.”
“Youcan trust me.”
Irun my hand through her hair, watching it slip through my fingers, hoping shedoesn’t do the same. “I know. I wouldn’t be telling you otherwise. I told you Iworked in internet security.”
“Yeah.”
“Itwasn’t a lie, but it’s not the complete truth either. I use my computer skillsto keep kids safe. I work with a group who specialize in hunting down andtracking online predators and pedophiles.”
“Andbring them to justice?” I know what she’s asking.
“Mostof the time, yes, we hand the information over to the police, anonymously, butnot always. So many of them beat the system, they just keep letting them outagain and again, as if putting them on a list will keep them from victimizing achild.” My eyes meet hers. “It doesn’t.”
Pickingher nail again, she asks, “But you do?”
“Mygroup does. If they keep targeting kids and get away with it, we make themdisappear.”
“Youkill them,” she says, clarifying.
“Yes.My part is typically limited to tracking and gathering information, but ifwe’re ever caught, I’ll be just as culpable.”
Silencehas never felt so heavy. I want to know what’s going through her head rightnow, but I know she needs a second to process everything. There’s only onething I need her to know. “I’d never hurt you, Ayda. I’d never hurt a woman.I’ve never hurt anyone who wasn’t a predator.”
Herfeatures soften as she gazes at me. “I know that.”
“Youcan ask me whatever you want. Say whatever you want. I won’t get upset.”
