Page 27 of Sac-rifice
Shane’s lips stilled, and he pulled away, but only slightly.He rested his forehead against mine, both of us panting as we recovered from what had just happened.
“Please forgive me, Cor,” he begged in such a grief-stricken tone that made it sound like he was actually in excruciating pain.
“I don’t know how to,” I earnestly admitted.
I remembered how pissed I had been.
I remembered the reasons.
I remembered he left…
Only now, I had a new piece of information to throw into the mix.
After kissing him, I now knew I didn’t ever want him to leave again.I was still pissed; it would take a lot more than this to change that, but our past wasn’t something that could be erased.Doing that would wipe away all the good with the bad.Clinging to those memories were sometimes the only thing that kept me going.And while I wasn’t certain where this put us, I was certain one kiss—no matter how earthshattering it might have been—didn’t have enough power to fix what was broken.Every puzzle had to start somewhere when it was taken from an old dusty shelf and poured from the safety of its box to be rebuilt, though.I hoped this was our first piece and a step in the right direction.It would kill me if we were torn apart again, even though it shouldn’t.
* * *
“I hope you know this doesn’t mean I agree to this.It’s still considered kidnapping in my book.”I stared out the window, afraid if I looked at him, he’d see right through me.Maybe I wasn’t as upset with him as I thought I was anymore.I should, without a doubt, be.Really, though, I wasn’t sure of much.Was up actually down and down now up?Until a few weeks ago, I would have laughed and confidently answered that with a big fat no.Now, nothing seemed to make a bit of sense, and that included my feelings for Shane.Had I been wrong to hate him for all those years?Should I give him the benefit of the doubt now?He was still the boy who I turned to time and time again, but his ocean eyes held an unrelenting storm behind them that wasn’t there when we were kids.He was clearly different, both physically and mentally.
Men and women left their partners all the time, coming up with their best excuse when they tucked their tail and wanted to get together again.I knew the vicious cycle well.Mom did that exact thing my whole childhood.She stayed with someone who was absolutely undeserving of her, giving him most of her good energy as he happily drowned her in his toxicity.One of my biggest fears was becoming her.Not because she was a bad person, but because she was weak.She should have stood up for herself and her kids.Actually, if I was being honest, there were a lot of things Mom should have handled better than she had—being a better parent for starters.But most importantly, she should have been strong, if not for herself, then for her kids.I loved her dearly and missed her even more, but I didn’t think the love I had for her resembled what it should.I didn’t love her as a daughter should her mother.She put her love life above her kids, but I was old enough to now know when someone made a decision it rarely came with a ten-year plan.No one could predict the exact outcome of how their choices would impact the people around them.At least, not all the time.Mom did love Isaac and me, but she had never known what a healthy love was.Her parents neglected her, and the only thing she was taught as she grew was toxic love.
Unknown:You can run off into the sunset with that asshole, but he can’t save you.
I read the words staring at me from the screen of my cellphone, glancing sideways at Shane.Both of his hands were gripping the steering wheel, clearly too busy driving to tap out the text.He hadn’t touched his phone since he took a call before we left.He told me the truth.He really hadn’t been responsible for the borderline stalker texts.
I was pissed when I thought it was him who sent them, but I wasn’t scared.Now, knowing without a doubt they weren’t from him, I was terrified.Beads of sweat pooled in my palms, and I swiped my hands down the front of my jeans.All of the sudden, it was too hot in here.Was the heater on?I glanced at the thermometer, making sure it was set to cool and hadn’t somehow gotten switched to heat.The tiny arrow on the knob was all the way to the left, pointing to the widest part of the blue line.I held my clammy hands in front of the vent, wondering if my cooling system was crapping out.Nope.Cold air blasted over my fingertips, and I huffed, cranking the window down a smidge.I couldn’t breathe.
Shit!The realization of what was happening inside my body whacked me with a hard truth.I was having another panic attack.I pulled a deep breath through my nostrils and blew the air out of my pursed lips.
“You okay over there?”Shane glanced sideways at me momentarily before his focus went back to the road in front of us.
I didn’t answer, stuffing my cellphone beneath my thigh.There was no telling what he would do if he read this text considering he slung me over his shoulder as a result from the previous ones.
“For fucks sake, Cor.I’m sorry.”He swerved the car off the road, slamming the gearshift into park.“Look, I know you’re pissed.You can hate me for the rest of our lives later, but for right now, I need you to talk to me.Why in the fuck did you hide your phone?Yes, I saw that.What’s going on?I can’t protect everyone if I don’t have all of the information,” he sternly said, and then steepled his hands together, scrubbing his face with them afterward.
I don’t know what I expected him to be like now that he was older, but I figured he would be vastly different than when we were kids.Yet, here we were, and he was still him—bossier and with a shorter fuse but still him.He was still my Shane, but the adult version, I guess.
Lightly resting his hand on my shoulder, he said, “Hey, I’m trying okay?Even after all these years, you still drive me crazy.I don’t censor myself; I’m used to being around my brothers.We say fuck a lot, and somebody threatens to kill somebody else at least daily.”
“You shouldn’t be anything other than unapologetically you.If someone doesn’t like you…Oh well.”I shrugged, finally deciding I agreed with Auntie Rach.I didn’t want to be anyone but me.
“This is me.”He breathed deeply.“Why in the fuck did you hide your phone, Cor?”He squeezed my shoulder to add emphasis.Actually, I don’t know why he did it, but he did.His fingers thrummed impatiently on my back.
“Erm.I got another sketchy text.”
“Give me your phone,” he demanded as soon as the words had left my mouth.Opening his hand, he held it out in front of me.
There was no use fighting this.It wasn’t like running away from him was an option.Wanting to be near him while still hanging onto my grudge made me a hypocrite.I wasn’t blind to that fact.I understood what I was, but I was owning it.I didn’t have any other choice.I wasn’t remotely close to being ready to walk down the aisle in a puffy white dress for him or anything, but I didn’t want him to die either.That was where I was with Shane.I’d spent a lot of time on my own, and it wasn’t always easy, not that being with someone was either.
“Fine.”I pulled my phone out and smacked it into his palm.
He didn’t need me to get to the text this time.Apparently, I was in such a hurry to hide the message, worrying that Shane would see it, that I didn’t take the time to close it.When he looked at my phone, the message was front and center for him to see.
“’You can run off in the sunset with that asshole, but he can’t save you.’I always have, why would I stop now?”He was serious, but his tone was harsh as he repeated the words he’d read from the text.The message didn’t frighten him like it did me.It made him something beyond livid.“Fuck this.I’m not all about these pussyfooting passive-aggressive scare tactics,” he fumed, looking at the phone.
“Let’s just get back on the road.”
“No.I’m handling this.”
