Page 13 of Sac-rifice
“I don’t know.I guess it has to find something to remind it that life is worth fighting for,” he answered softly against my ear.
“That’s what you do for me.”
“What do you mean?”
“You’re my protector.You take me to safety when I’m not strong enough to find it myself.”I told him honestly.It was something we both knew to be true, but neither of us had ever admitted it out loud.
“You still get hurt, though.I try to stop it, but you still get hurt.”He sniffed and pulled free from our embrace, and his arm swiped under his nose when he sniffed a second time.He focused on the ground and then to where the ant trail disappeared amongst the tall blades of grass.“I try, and you still get hurt.I’m not enough.We need to tell somebody, Cor.Please?”he begged, looking at me with reddened eyes as a tear slid down his cheek.“I’m sorry you still get hurt.I’m sorry I can’t make it stop.I’ll never be enough.”
“You are enough,” I confessed, shaking my head.Telling someone what was happening would mean Isaac and I wouldn’t live here anymore; I was old enough to understand that.I refused to live in a world where my family didn’t include three noisy, hell-raising boys.I was strong enough to endure the black eyes and busted lips and anything else that happened.
His opinion of himself didn’t matter.If it wasn’t for him, I would have let the darkness swallow me a long time ago.I was on the verge of drowning the first time he saved me, and even though he didn’t know it, he hadn’t left me since.He was there protecting me and keeping my head above water, biding time until we both climbed out from the inky bottomless waters that I called a childhood.
“I wish I was,” he sighed, squeezing me one more time.
“You’re more than enough for me, Shane,” I spoke bluntly.He needed to hear the truth.There was no sense in him feeling lesser than for not being able to erase all of the bad things that happened to me.They weren’t his fault.Sometimes, bad people did bad things, and there wasn’t anything anyone could do to stop them.Bad people always found a way to be bad.
“Cor, where are you?”Isaac called from the distance, and I froze.Shane released me and gave me a weak smile.
“I guess you better go back inside before he finds us.”
“You could come over and watch some TV with us,” I suggested, knowing his answer before he spoke.
His hand rubbed the back of his neck.“Yeah, but I…um…have to do something for Mom.”
“Oh.I understand.”I smiled weakly like him.
“Raincheck for next time?”
“Sure.”
CHAPTER10
SOMETIMES LOVE MEANS WALKING AWAY
SAC
Often things born from tragedy remained within a person.It laid within the depths of your soul and festered slowly over time.Some souls lacked the strength to endure the brutality and crumbled beneath the devastation.This was how it was between us.The memories that bound us had been in constant war within our own minds, and as long as we stood together, our internal battles knew no end.Our hearts ached every time we were together, and our souls bled when we touched.I was strong enough to persist through the torment as long as she was with me.I didn’t care; I’d have given every breath of my life to have stayed with her if I had been the only one to suffer.I wasn’t.She was dying alongside me, determined the destruction we brought upon each other wasn’t enough to let our foreboding destiny come to an abrupt halt.She was nearing death a little more the longer her heart loved me.I couldn’t let the world lose such a brilliant light.I loved her too much to be selfish with her.Leaving her was never something I wanted, but to save her, I would destroy myself and had every day since I walked away.I’d sacrificed my heart to help her, understanding she would hate me, and knew I would never be the same again.
“Sac, brother, is everything okay?”Sledge asked me, but I didn’t reply immediately.I needed to answer him before he lost his shit and gunned Cor down or did something equally as stupid.“Who was that?”
“A ghost.”I stared after her, completely stupefied with shock.She was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen when we were younger, and now that we were grown, her beauty took my breath away.“Go ahead.”I motioned my hand in the direction of the road.“I’ll catch up with you.”
“You know that was a real person, right?I saw her, too, Sac.”
I nodded, scrambling off my ride and running down the street where Cor had disappeared.I ran down one street and back up another, searching for her.My mouth was dry, and my chest hurt.My heart was working overtime trying to find her.This was pointless.I was the one who taught her to hide, and this wasn’t our yard.She could be anywhere.Cleveland was a big fucking place, and although I knew the streets so well that I could drive them blindfolded, I didn’t for one second think she lacked the ability to do the same.We’d spent countless hours driving these streets without purpose.
My hand rested on the redbrick wall in front of me, and my sides heaved as I bent over to catch my breath.I would stay out here all fucking night if that was what it took to find her.I’d lost her once, and the only way I was letting that happen again was if I was dead.And dying wasn’t on my agenda for today.
“Fucking hell, Sac!”Sledgehammer breathlessly said, catching up with me and sticking his tongue out while his breathing was labored.“Who knew you could run like that?”
“I told you to leave,” I reminded him.
“And you expected me to listen to you?”he panted.
“I hoped you would for once.”
“Yeah, that would be about as likely as you listening to me.”
