Page 108 of Strings
“Is that a yes? Just tell me the fucking truth, for once. Did you sleep with him?”
“Is that what you want to know? Is that what matters most of all?
“Yes. I need to know. I need to know if you were with him. The man that has been a thorn in my side all my life. Did you fuck him?”
“You want all the details? Would that make it easier for you to walk away? Are you looking for a reason to believe I’m the slut your mother made me out to be?”
“Are you?”
I cringe. His words cut deep. Maybe it’s better this way. He’s too good for me. I could never fit into his life. If he only knew how much I truly regretted everything, maybe he’d forgive me. But is that what’s best for him? His family would never accept me and he would probably never look at me the same way again. That’s what hurts the most. He needs a reason to go and I need to set him free.
“Yes, Sebastian. I am a whore. I really am. I’ll fuck anything if it means getting what I want. I came for the interview with my fake résumé and fake credentials, hoping and praying I could start fresh somewhere new. He saw through me immediately. This job was my one shot to get away. As I was about to leave, he propositioned me. He told me he’d call security. I got scared. I was worried security meant police, and police meant jail, so yeah. I did what I had to do. I bent over the desk and he fucked me from behind. Happy now?”
Sebastian breaks eye contact with me and his body goes rigid. “How many times?”
“What?”
“How many times have you fucked him behind my back?”
“Are you serious? Is that who you think I am?”
He lifts his hands in the air. “I don’t know anything, remember?”
“Get out, Sebastian! Get out!” I scream and march toward my door.
“Right. I should go so you can pack and run. It’s what you do best.” Sebastian trudges toward the door as if each step is more painful than the last. Stopping in the doorway, he takes a deep breath and turns to face me. His eyes are dark and wet. “Give me a reason to stay,” he pleads.
My heart snaps in two. I want to tell him how much he means to me. I want him to know how sorry I am for all of it, especially Derrick, but him hating me means him leaving. His leaving means him being far away from me, and that means he’ll be safe. Once again, I do what I have to do and I lie once more. “I don’t have one.”
He nods and walks away—down the stairs and out of my life. I fall to the ground and sob. Pain like this doesn’t happen when you like someone. This is more. This is real. This is love. I never even got to tell him. “Goodbye, Sebastian. Goodbye.”
If you never learn from your mistakes, then they win.
After Sebastian leaves, I pick myself up off the floor like I always do. Somehow, I manage to close my door. I gather what I can and put it in a bag. My clothes are all shredded in my closet, and all I have left is what I’m wearing. At least it’ll make check-in at the airport easier.
I search the entire apartment and I can’t find my book anywhere. It’s probably for the best. The more I think about the things that mattered to me before I came here, the more I realize how insignificant they are. All I ever really needed was someone to believe in me. I found him and then I pushed him away.
Reaching into my pocket, I pull out the picture of my fake grandmother. I’ve had this photo for twenty years, and all it has taught me is that I do not have a fairy godmother or a rich grandmother who’s going to save me. The only one who can save me is me.
As much as I hate to admit it, Sebastian made a lot of good points. I have run from my problems my entire life and it hasn’t gotten me far. Maybe I need to stop running. Maybe it’s time I face the music.
Music. The second the word pops into my head, I remember the Gala and my plans. There are a lot of people counting on me, and if I leave I’ll hurt even more people than if I stay. How is that possible? How could a stranger change everything about me so easily?
I know how. He gets under your skin with his cockiness and charm. He’s smart, talented, caring, and one in a million. He walks into a room and people notice. It’s as if he has a force field of energy around him. His aura is strong and dynamic. He’s the kind of person you wish you knew. I knew him and I threw him away. Yet another grand mistake to add to my long list.
I pace the floor as I try to decide what to do next. I can’t stay at the Sym. I hate Mercer and I want to get away from him as soon as possible. It’s only a matter of time before everyone knows I’m a fraud. But maybe I can have one day to keep my promises. Then I can slink back into the shadows where I belong.
Daylight breaks through the clouds and I make my decision. I shower and re-dress, hoping no one will notice I wore the same thing twice. I’m going to go to work and fill Amy in on everything. Then I’ll resign. She can handle the Gala. She’s practically taken care of it all on her own anyway. Then I’ll go to the police and turn myself in. It’s time I face the music. Good or bad, I wrote my score and I need to play it out.
Amy greets me with her normal zest for life, and I immediately call her into my office. Closing the door behind me, I can see she’s already afraid of what I’m going to say.
“I need to tell you something before you hear it from someone else.”
“You’re scaring me. Should I sit down?”
I motion for the chair and she sits. Instead of hiding behind my desk, I pull the other chair next to her so I can look her in the eye. “First of all, I want you to know that you are one of the most amazing people and hardest workers I’ve ever met.”
“Oh God! Are you firing me?”
