Page 67 of Waiting to Lose
“I thought hewasmy happily ever after.”
“I know…” Kendra sniffed.
“If I deserve it, then so do you.”
“No, it’s too late,” Kendra said, shaking her head.
“I don’t know why you can’t see it. Everything you say I am is what I see in you.”
“No…” Kendra pursed her lips.
“Yes! It’s true. We both deserve better.” Before Madi knew it, they were both crying. Madi reached up and put the box of tissues in between them. They both blew their noses at the same time and started to laugh.
After the several minutes of silence that followed, Madi went to shower and Kendra wiped her eyes.
When the door opened, Rob stood. Madi noticed that the look he gave Kendra seemed softer somehow. She instantly remembered the receiver had been on the whole time. As she expelled the air from her lungs in defeat, she glanced back at Kendra, who eyed Rob suspiciously. She couldn’t believe he’d heard her crying this whole time, on top of everything Kendra had told her in confidence. Madi shook her head and mouthed “no” to Rob, and he nodded. She could never tell Kendra that he’d heard her entire story.
At one, she took off for class, with Rob following at a safe distance. She listened to Kodaline’s “High Hopes” as she tried to breathe and walk at the same time. Her three-hour class was going be tough to get through, but Madi had no choice. It was either go to class or continue to curl up in a ball and die. She hoped having to focus on her teacher would be better than thinking about her constant pain. It was cold. The wind whipped her hair around her face. Madi was glad to have the hair to keep her swollen eyes hidden. Every step she took felt different. When she and Jake were together, her steps seemed lighter. Now, she felt like there was a weight on her shoulders that would never go away.
After two hours, her professor gave them a break. Madi overheard two girls whispering behind her. She leaned back farther in her chair to listen, hoping for a distraction from her own thoughts.
“Did you see him?”
“He’s so hot.”
“Look at his mouth and the way he’s touching her.”
“She’s so lucky.”
“Their fan page calls them Jallie, but I like Jallison better.”
Madi’s ears burned. No… Jallie? Jallison? Madi felt the pain spread from her brain like a gasoline to a flame. It burned as it passed through her mind, picking up speed with the fuel of her thoughts, passing through her heart and into her legs. Her body heaved as the images of Jake and Allison appeared in her mind. She took in a breath that was a little too loud. The boy next to her turned. “Are you okay?”
Madi could feel herself losing control. She jumped from her seat and grabbed her books and coat, rushing from the room. Rob was down the hall, but saw her run out the door and down the stairs. It didn’t take long for him to catch up to her.
“Madi, what happened? Are you okay?”
She continued to run, down two flights and out the main doors. The cold air hit her like a brick to the chest, but she didn’t stop. People were staring and Rob slowed to a jog, trying to stay a safe distance behind. As she ran, she saw a blur of faces and pointing fingers, each one of them seeming to laugh at her. Each one seeming to say, “He didn’t want her.” She heard the leaves rustle on the ground, then only her own heartbeat thudding in her chest.
She continued through the doors of her dorm and up the stairs, panting with sobs and lack of air. She got to the top of the stairs and had to stop to catch her breath as her chest heaved from exertion and agony. She bent down at her knees briefly before she heard Rob’s heavy footsteps approaching fast. She walked quickly down the hall and made the sharp left around the corner to her room, as tears flowed heavily down her face and her body raked and bowed.
She turned her face toward her purse to reach for her keys, and something caught her vision. She lifted her eyes briefly and saw him sitting in front of her door.
He jumped immediately. “Madi!” A look of panic shot across his face.
“No!” Her eyes widened in fear as she stumbled backward and fell, her books, purse and coat tumbling around her. Just like her dreams.
