Page 68 of Waiting to Lose
HE COULDN’T REMEMBER the last time he’d slept, or even what it felt like to take a deep breath. Everything around him moved like he was in a dream state. He’d spent the last eighteen hours thinking about what he would say if he had the chance to say it.
He bounded up the stairs through her dorm, two at a time. He couldn’t reach her fast enough. Once he hit her door, he leaned against it, skimming the schedule posted on the clipboard. As an RA, she felt it was good to let her floor know when she’d be available. He turned his back to the door. No one was around. He glanced around from door to door, taking in her life. He should have seen this before. He should have taken the time to see what was important to her. He was selfish. He knew he’d broken her heart. He prayed she’d give him a chance to explain.
He slid down the door and onto the floor. He’d just lowered his head when he heard a door slam and the sound of footsteps flying up the stairs. He furrowed his brows as he focused on the sound, looking toward the hall, wondering if he should stand. He heard panting and gasping and he knew. He watched her turn the corner, desperately searching for something in her purse. He’d never been so happy to be near her. He bolted upright and called her name. She froze and screamed “No!” as she tumbled backwards into a heap on the floor.
He stretched his arms out to grab for her and she scooted away from him in defense, like he was a predator and she his prey. Rob rounded the corner as Jake bent down to her. Madi glared between them like a cornered animal with nowhere to go, her tear-streaked face frozen in fear.
“Baby, please. Let me help you.”
“No! No! Don’t touch me… Don’t come near me. No!” she screamed as she scooted away from him.
Rob’s voice was calm and controlled. He held his hand up to Jake, telling him to back off as he bent down to Madi and looked her in the eyes.
“Madi, look at me. No one’s going to touch you. You don’t have to do anything you’re not comfortable doing.”
Madi’s eyes widened in fear as she stared at Jake like she’d just seen a ghost.
Rob motioned to Jake. “Move away from her door. Let her get in there.”
Jake did as he was told. He’d never seen or felt anything like this in his life. Madi looked like she was out of her mind. Like he was looking like a mental patient who’d just been released from her straitjacket. He wanted to hold her. He wanted to be the one who made her feel safe, not the one she was afraid of.
Madi shifted to her left as Jake moved to his, not taking her eyes off him or his proximity to her. Rob bent down and removed her keys from her purse, offering them to her carefully. Madi snatched them both from his grasp and ran to her door, struggling to find the key that would take her away. Jake took a step forward as his heart broke in two and his mouth opened, searching for words. Rob lurched at him, placing himself in his path, preventing him from moving toward her.
She opened her door and immediately slammed it behind her, clicking the lock.
“This isn’t good. She shouldn’t be alone,” Jake said as the panic flowed through him. His hand gripped his hair as his face twisted in agony.
Rob nodded his head as he pressed a button on his phone. “She needs you. He’s here.”
Jake could hear Kendra’s familiar voice screaming, telling Rob to keep him away from Madi. Within minutes, Kendra flew up the stairs and straight to Jake. Her fists pounded into his chest as her anger turned to tears.
“You couldn’t stay away, could you? Haven’t you done enough? Do you know what you’ve put her through? How you’ve destroyed her?”
As she beat on his chest, Jake stood still, taking every blow, knowing he deserved every single one of them, even though nothing made sense to him.
Rob grabbed her arms and pulled her back as her angry tears streamed down her face. She struggled with him for a moment before turning her face into his chest and gripping his shirt as she cried. Rob put his arm around her and pulled her in as a pained expression crossed his face. As quickly as Rob had put his arms around her, Kendra pushed away, wiped her face, and moved toward Madi’s door.
“Do everyone a favor and leave. You’re hurting her even more just by being here.”
Kendra knocked gently. “Mads, it’s me. Open up. It’s just me, I swear.”
Jake heard the turn of the lock as the door inched open and Kendra slid through. Jake took a step forward and Rob pulled his arm back.
“I can’t believe you’re here. You literally flew, didn’t you?”
Jake’s eyes turned to Rob momentarily, but his focus returned to Madi’s door, plastered there, wishing he could be inside comforting her, instead of Kendra.
Rob stared at him as he stared at Madi’s door. “You look like shit.”
Jake glanced down at Madi’s books and coat on the floor. He crouched down and lifted her jacket in his hands.
Rob bent down and placed his hand on Jake’s shoulder. “Listen, man, I know things look really bleak right now, but you need to give her some time. She’ll talk to you eventually. I know it.”
Jake stood and handed Madi’s coat to Rob. He walked toward the chairs in the hall and crumpled down into them.
Rob picked up Madi’s things and put them in a pile by her door. He removed his earpiece and let it hang on his chest.
“Is that…? Can you hear what she’s saying?” Jake asked as he pointed to the cord.
