Page 63 of Waiting to Lose
HER PHONE STARTED buzzing at 5:00 a.m. and continued non-stop. At one point, Kendra piled multiple shirts around it and shoved it to the back of Madi’s closet. Madi swore she could still hear it. She wondered if he was trying to call her. Maybe he knew he’d been caught. What could he say to explainthislie? As the night inched forward and Madi became overwrought with utter and complete exhaustion, she prayed for sleep that would never come. In her state of mind, things twisted and turned, sometimes becoming clearer but mostly more obscure.
Paranoia set in as she began to imagine that the reason Jake wanted to keep their relationship out of the press was because he was ashamed of her. Then she started to wonder if Jake had sent Peter after her because she was interfering with his relationship with Allison. Maybe he wanted her gone. Maybe Rob was sent to finish the job when no one was looking.
Madi’s temperature fluctuated from boiling hot to freezing cold, but even in her crazed state, she was able to comprehend that her temperature had everything to do with Kendra’s location. At 7:00 a.m., Madi managed to hike herself over Kendra without waking her.
Madi glanced at herself in the mirror on her door. She was still wearing her hair in a ponytail, although after tossing and turning for much of the night, she looked like a psychopath. Her hair was mangled around her head like she’d teased it into multiple eruptions. She stared at her reflection. Who was the girl in the mirror, and where had Madison Ryan gone?
Madi knew the answer to that. The girl in the mirror was just another name on Jake Morgan’s long list of mistakes. The Madison Ryan before him was gone. She’d let her go the minute she gave him her heart.
She wondered if any of his prior pain was even real. Did he feel bad for hurting Tessa or Summer? Or underneath it all, was she just unable to see that he was truly selfish?
Madi sat for a few minutes in complete silence and closed her eyes. She’d never realized it before, but silence was deafening. When no other sounds can be heard but the beating of your heart, you’re forced into hearing what it’s trying to tell you. Sometimes those beats can be louder than any words ever spoken and mean so much more.
A moment later, Madi heard the faint buzzing of her phone in her closet. She slid down into her chair, pulling her eyes from the closet to her laptop. Someone had taken great pleasure in sending Madi the pictures. They had to have known it would kill her inside. Who would want to hurt her so badly? She remembered the message they’d thought had come from Peter Markum. “He’ll kill you, one way or another.” Boy, wasn’t that the fucking truth.
Her phone buzzed again. Madi started to wonder if it was just her imagination. She stretched her arm into the closet and yanked it from the clothes it was nestled between. She had forty-seven messages and eighty missed calls. All from Jake.
Madi felt a tear slip down her cheek as she stared at the screen. What could he possibly have to say to her in forty-seven different ways? If she heard him say he was sorry, she’d scream. His apologies could never justify the damage he’d done.
She didn’t want to cry any more. She was surprised there were even tears left. How could she have been so wrong about him? How could she have convinced herself that, somehow, a famous musician could ever fall for a girl like her? Maybe he secretly liked the chase. Maybe he needed more than she could give him. Maybe she was never enough to hold him in the first place. The phone buzzed in her hands with another call from him. She gasped, as it surprised her. Kendra rolled over and blinked at Madi holding the phone in her hands.
“Don’t you even think about it!”
Kendra flew out of bed and snatched the phone from Madi’s hands just as it stopped buzzing.
“I wasn’t going to answer it.”
“You weren’t?” Kendra asked, rubbing her eyes.
“No… I don’t ever want to hear his voice again.”
“Good for y—” Kendra looked down as the phone buzzed again in her hand.
Kendra hit the answer button. As she slid the phone to her ear, Madi could hear him say her name. Her heart shattered to pieces once again. It was another blow to her chest, and it knocked the wind right out of her.
“Listen, you mother fucking piece of shit, stop calling her. She doesn’t want to speak to you, or hear your voice, or hear any one of your pathetic mother fucking lies again. She hates you. I hate you. The whole fucking world hates you. Leave her the fuck alone or so help me God, I’ll destroy you!”
Kendra clicked the end button and lifted the mattress, tossing the phone underneath.
Madi stared after her as another tear escaped from its prison of misery inside her head.
Kendra fell to her knees in front of her. “I’m sorry… I couldn’t help myself. He needs to know you don’t want to talk to him. Maybe he’ll stop calling.”
Madi nodded her head. There was a gentle rapping on the door.
Madi jumped in fear. “It couldn’t be him, could it?”
“Who is it?” Kendra asked.
“It’s Rob. I know you’re awake. I need to talk to you.”
Kendra opened the door and took a sharp breath as all six feet, three inches of Rob stood pressed into the frame. “Look… It’s not a good time…”
Rob whispered, “I spoke to Jake, and there’s something you need to know.”
Kendra pushed her way out the door and closed it behind her.
“Don’t say his name around her. It’s like shooting poison into her veins.”
