Page 132 of Waiting to Lose
THE DAYS AFTER Allison’s death were tough. Jake was angry and on edge about Peter and Caleb. He confided in Madi that he felt he couldn’t trust anyone. The night after the press released her name, she and Jake sat by the fire in the dark, talking through everything that had happened. Jake tried to give her a way out.
“I’ve known since the very beginning that I could never deserve you. Every single day, my life becomes more complicated and more difficult to tolerate. I don’t know why you stay, and I would understand if you wanted some space from me and some time to think about what a mess I’ve made of your life since I entered it. I warned you that I would hurt you, and I have. Too many times. No one would blame you if you just walked away. You’d be better off without me.”
Madi’s mouth gaped at him as he spoke. She stared into his eyes briefly as his words permeated her brain. He was serious and seriously pained. She straddled his waist. It took him by surprise, but he happily wrapped his arms around her as her sleep shirt rose up her thighs. She placed her hands on his bare chest to steady herself, then leaned back and grabbed the tie of the black plaid lounge pants he was wearing. “Your worldiscomplicated,” she said through a hush.
He nodded.
“It is kinda messed up.”
He nodded again.
She gazed deeply into his eyes as she continued, “But your world is my world.Youare my world.”
He sighed and rolled his head back. She tugged on his strings to get his attention. “I can’t remember a time when I didn’t love you. I think back to the years before I actually met you, when I would listen to your voice on the radio or when Kendra would play one of your new songs, and I honestly think I knew it even then. I knew I loved you. Because once I let myself feel the way I feel for you, everything became clear. It’s like every moment I lived and every breath I took had a purpose. It was leading me to you. I could never leave you, Jake. Never. Because no matter how many times the universe tries to pull us apart,wewill always be the answer to every problem we face.
“Madi,” he whispered.
“So no,” she interrupted him, placing her finger on his lips, “I amnot,nor will I ever, be better off without you. I won’t ever walk away. I need you and you need me.”
Jake lifted his hand and placed it on the side of her head, scrunching her hair. “I’ll never deserve you, but God help me, I do need you. I don’t know how I ever lived without you. I say that I’d understand if you walked away, but the truth is, I’d never let you. I’d find a way to make you fall in love with me again.”
“You’re stuck with me. I fall in love with you every time you breathe,” she said.
He smiled and took a deep, purposeful breath. Madi sighed and clenched her heart.
Madi placed her final wrapped present under the tree and knelt under the glow of lights, basking in the smell of pine. She reached down and rubbed Murphy’s belly as his tail thumped in thanks. The room was dark, except for the tree. She was thankful that she had all her Christmas shopping done early, since she’d been cooped up in the condo for days since the news broke out. Jake’s PR team made a statement to the press. They revealed that the photos had been doctored and that Jake and Allison had never been together. Jake announced publically that he was dating someone and had been for months. Out of respect for Allison’s family, they didn’t release her part in the story. Madi felt guilty for hating her now that she was gone. She might not have wished her well, but she didn’t wish her dead.
Caleb was considered a suspect in her death, even though Greg had been with him. The police were investigating the blackmail from both sides, and Caleb was still under suspicion. No one had seen Peter Markum. It was as if he’d just disappeared. Not knowing where he was, Jake agreed to keep their trip to L.A. He had to give another statement to the police, and even though Caleb had been removed of his responsibilities as his manager, Jake wanted to make his termination official by firing him face to face. Rob was coming with them. Jake made Rob promise he’d take a few hours to visit his family. Dave would take his place in the interim to keep Madi safe. For all they knew, Peter Markum could be on the other side of the world.
Madi heard his bare feet approaching and smiled. She inhaled deeply and felt goose bumps shoot up her arms. “I can smell you from a mile away,” she said, giggling.
He bent down and sat next to her by the tree. “Are you saying I smell bad?”
“You smell perfect,” she grinned. “I can tell when you’re close by because every hair on my body stands erect in anticipation.”
“I see,” he replied with a smirk, kissing her bare shoulder. He pointed toward the gifts under the tree. “Are you trying to sneak a peek at what I got you?” he asked. “Because it’s not under there.”
Madi smiled as she sat up on her knees. “You got me a present?” she asked like an excited child.
Jake laughed. “I might have.”
“Christmas Eve is tomorrow. Are we exchanging gifts tomorrow night, or Christmas morning before we leave for L.A.?” she asked.
“Which would you prefer?”
“What time is our flight?”
“Ten in the morning.”
“I think after my family leaves tomorrow, we should exchange then, when it’s just the two of us.”
“Sounds perfect to me. Did Kendra bring you everything you need for dinner?” he asked.
Madi laughed. “Yes, I think she actually had fun at the grocery store, though she’d never admit it.”
“She’s coming too, right?” he asked.
She nodded and knelt a little higher as her excitement grew. Jake rested his arm on his bent knee and rubbed the stubble on his face with his other hand as he delighted in her enthusiasm.
