Page 129 of Waiting to Lose
MADI CURLED IN her legs as she flipped a blanket over her. Murphy jumped onto the couch and lay at the end with his head on her feet. Madi had turned down the lights after Kendra had left and Rob had gone to sleep in the next room. Jake had insisted Rob stay there while he was away. She slumped into the soft couch in the dark, staring at the soft glow of white lights from the tree. They illuminated the room, making it warm and cozy. The fire blazed and added to the mood. As much as she loved the condo, it never felt as good as it did when Jake was in it. Wherever she was, it always felt like home with him.
It was 2:00 a.m., but Madi couldn’t make herself sleep. She hadn’t heard from him and was trying her best not to worry. She scrolled through her calls to make sure she hadn’t missed anything, but refused to let negative thoughts invade her mind. She wouldn’t let herself even consider a bad thought about him.
The turn of the key in the door caused Madi to leap from her seat. Jake opened the door as the alarm began to beep. Rob ran from his room with his gun drawn. The minute he saw Jake, he breathed a sigh of relief and excused himself back into his room. It took Jake multiple tries to input the code. Madi almost ran to him excitedly, but there was something in his posture and in his eyes that made her feel afraid.
His body slouched as his head bent into the wall above the alarm. Murphy danced around him, but Jake didn’t move. Madi knew something was terribly wrong. She hurried to him, pulling her robe closed around her. She didn’t say a word as she placed her hand on his back and he turned his face to her. His eyes were a mix of exhaustion and sadness. Her eyes bounced around his face as she tried to understand what had happened to him without asking. He took a step forward and buried his head in her neck, wrapping his arms tightly around her. She placed her hands around the back of his head and held him close. She knew it was what he needed.
They stood there for several minutes before he released his hold on her and glanced into her nervous eyes. He sniffled and kissed her forehead. As his eyes rose above the sightline of her head, he saw the tree and his lips curled into a small smile.
“You got a tree,” he whispered softly.
She pulled away and stared into his eyes. “Um hmm.” She nodded.
He clutched her hand and led her to the couch.
“I have something to tell you,” he said as they settled down together.
Madi watched him closely, trying to predict what he might say.
“I knocked on her door and she didn’t answer. There was a window open, so Dave and I went inside. There was a broken bottle of red wine and footprints leading up the stairs.”
Madi’s eyes darted over his face as she listened to him speak. He kept his eyes pinned closed.
Jake paused and opened his eyes to look at her. “She hung herself.”
Madi gasped and pulled back in shock. “What? No!”
“She left a note saying she was sorry. I spent four hours with the police going over everything that happened. I should have checked on her. She seemed distraught, but I didn’t know it was that bad. It’s going to be all over the news, Mads. There’s no way around it. It might even be out there now. The press was all over her house. They got pictures of me with the police. It’s bad, babe. It’s really bad.”
Madi scooted herself onto his lap and pulled him to her. He took a deep breath, as if he were trying to inhale her. His hands stroked her back as she took small, shallow breaths, trying to understand what he had seen.
“You found her?” she asked.
He nodded.
“Oh God, Jake. I’m so sorry. I can’t imagine… Are you okay?” she asked, pulling his face into her hands to regard him.
“Worst fucking day,” he whispered.
Madi kissed his forehead, then his temples, before gently kissing his eyes. He moaned softly into her.
“I couldn’t stay there. I needed to be with you—home, with you.”
Madi nodded as she pressed her lips into his cheek.
“I need a shower. I need to get out of these clothes and out of my head.”
Madi slid off of him and held his hand as he stammered to the bathroom.
He stood in front of the shower in a daze. Madi studied him briefly before she turned on the water and began to remove the shirt from his unmoving body. His head bowed down as she undressed him. When he was naked, he stepped into the shower and let the water rush over his face.
Madi removed her robe and sleep shirt and climbed in behind him, wrapping her arms around his chest and placing her head on his back. She wanted to fix him, but deep inside, she knew another piece of him had been broken beyond repair.
