Page 32 of Not A Homie, Lover Or Friend
LAKIA
One of my hands slid up and down Monfua’s abs, while my thumb from my other hand was secured in my mouth, cozied up to him. I felt so secure, so comfortable that I could lie like this forever. It almost made me wish we had done this since the day we said, ‘I do.’ Monfua and I were going on our second month of marriage, and the thought of this really working out settled in me.
Then I thought about Kirk. He and I had never done this before, let alone cuddling, yet I felt like I was in love.Love, was this something Monfua and I could actually experience? We had done something rare. We broke the dating rules by starting backward. Married first, go through the trials, get to know each other, and fall in love last. I smiled as I moved closer to him.
The way his hands caressed my hair filled me with a sense of being genuinely cared for, as if he’d been waiting forever to touch me this way.
“Me and your brother will never get along. Is that something you think you can handle?” I heard him say before we looked at each other at the same time.
I knew Foe was mad about it all, but I hadn’t considered the longevity of it. My brother and my husband not ever getting along was something I wasn’t sure I could handle. They were in the same crew, so I figured it would be hashed out at some point. Then I thought about my dislike for Harvey. It was the same thing. I didn’t know if the divide between my family and the man I was married to would be something I could get over. I needed them to get along. They had to, right?
I didn’t even bother to respond, yet continued to suck on my thumb. Now I felt bad because knowing that I didn’t want to leave Monfua, but he and Foe probably wouldn’t stop until they killed each other made me sick. I pulled my thumb from my mouth, “I will talk to him,” I muttered.
“Talk? Sukalati, there is no talking. We’ve pulled guns on each other. I don’t think talking will fix anything. Foe has a problem, and it’s called control.”
I raised my brow because I couldn’t disagree with that, but I knew that I had been the catalyst for most of it. I lifted my head with a weak smile. “I will talk to him. There are some things I need to resolve anyway, so give me a chance to try.”
“I don’t need you to fight for me because I can do that myself. Let’s change the subject.”
I sat up because I wanted to talk about it. I wanted him to trust me, to believe that I could make it work. “Fua, I—”
The way his eyes landed on me. Even in the dark, I could tell he didn’t want to talk about it any longer. I swallowed deep, “Tell me more about you and your family,” I whispered.
He shrugged. “You’ve met my mom. She’s my world. My biggest supporter and my—”
My hand landed on his chest, “I can be your biggest supporter too,” I mumbled.
He chuckled. “I’m sure you will be in due time. Anyway, my father and I talk, we get along, but I’ve disappointed him in the past and have been trying to make up for it ever since. I want him to be proud of me, you know,” his voice drifted off.
I thought I made my mother proud when I got accepted to college. I thought I made her proud when I made the Dean’s list the first year, but to her, it had always been a ‘that’s good.’ My mother only cared about herself, never about her children, but my brother and I always did things to push for her to root for us. Instead, we got a woman who forced her son to be a man andpushed her daughter to get a man to take care of her. However, I wanted my brother to be proud of me. I wanted him to see that everything he’d risked making sure I was good had been worth it. It began to make me sad because I know when I tell him what’s been going on, proud is the last thing he’s going to be.
Monfua must have felt my energy because he sat up, “Are you ok?” he asked.
I nodded. “I’m fine. Tell me more. I want to know everything.”
He began to discuss what he liked and disliked. I shared some things about myself. It was nice learning about him. Everything I thought he was, he wasn’t, and that made this moment with him worth spending. I cuddled back under him, knowing that I had a husband who fucking cared.
Before I knew it, I had fallen asleep.
HARVEY
The tears poured out of my eyes as I sat there crying. Chevy had been calling, as he usually did, once a week to check on me. Today, however, I couldn’t answer. I knew that if I picked up the phone, he would have known I was crying. Chevy was so protective of me, knowing what I had just done, and knowing why, would send him on a hunt for someone who seemed to care nothing about me.
I slid my sweater on as I hopped off the table and walked out the door, then the building. When I reached my car, I got in and sat in the driver’s seat, trying to wrap my mind around everything, how I fell into a love spell with a man who claimed to love me. I had always believed that things happened for a reason, and this was my reason to believe that having children wasn’t for me. That being someone’s wife wasn’t in my deck of cards.
Trent and I were good once, but the moment I set foot in his parents’ million-dollar home, I knew that he and I wouldn’t last. The down talking, the pity, and disdain for me told me all I needed to know. However, I figured Trent’s love for me and his unborn child would make him choose me, but it didn’t. His family was the priority. He said he couldn’t continue what we had because his mother and father disapproved. I was confused. I had a baby growing inside me, and he was pushing us away. I begged Trent to accept me, to choose us so that we could have something great, but it wasn’t enough.
I knew it was something I couldn’t bear alone, so I chose Planned Parenthood. I did what I felt was best. How could Iraise a child alone, with no support and no family? I did what I felt was right, and now I was in my car crying because, although I knew I made the best decision for myself, the thought of what things could have been like rested in my head.
I started the car and drove away with my sleeping angel to a place I knew they would get the love and family they needed, in a place called heaven. I vowed to myself to never compromise myself for a man whose family doesn’t like me. I would never put them in a position where they have to make a choice. I vowed that I wouldn’t have kids because a child without a family would forever be searching, just as I had.
My eyes shot open into the deep, dark room. Although I couldn’t see it, I knew I was staring up at the ceiling. The bed felt light, the space beside me was empty. I knew Myles didn’t come into the room as I thought he would. I took a deep breath, letting out a restless sigh. All the things I had been running from in my past were coming back to haunt me, just in a different manner. I knew that it was time to truly open up to Myles before the little we were holding on to was gone completely.
“One, two, three, four and one, two, three, four,” I snapped and counted as the girls did their moves to the sound of my finger.
I watched with pride as their bodies moved gracefully across the room. The passion in their performance nearly moved me to tears because, at one time, I shared the same dream for myself as they did. However, there was one girl who stood out from the others. I could tell that she was struggling to capture her moves. Every time she didn’t feel as confident, she would move on to the next count. I clapped my hands, signaling them to stop. They all directed their attention toward me, and Alyse instantly knew they’d all stopped because of her.
I pointed to her, “Come to the front, Alyse.”
