Page 25 of Lusting for the Duke's Kiss
Hetty laughed. “Do not do that, dearest. You might get into trouble.” She sighed. “I am resigned to it now. It still hurts but not as bad as it did …”
Annabelle picked up her tea, sipping thoughtfully. Then she put down the cup, staring at her friend.
“I have heard other rumours,” she said slowly. “That a duke, no less, has been staying here, on and off, paying you attention. Is it true, Hetty?”
Hetty blushed. “Itistrue. I could not believe it when he arrived on our doorstep, proposing marriage …”
“But you are still married,” breathed Annabelle, her eyes wide. “Did he not realise that?”
“He knows,” said Hetty, shaking her head. “But he does not care. He has helped Papa to apply for a divorce on my behalf and claims that he shall wait for me.” She hesitated. “He is the gentleman who I was dancing with at the Farnhams’ ball when you became sick, all those years ago. Do you remember me telling you about him?”
Annabelle gasped. “Yes, I do! The wickedly handsome one, with green eyes, and dark hair? But you did not say he was a duke …”
“That was because I did not know,” said Hetty, frowning slightly. “He lied to me, that night, introducing himself as someone else entirely. He claims it was just a lark, for the evening, but I do not know.” She hesitated. “Something about him does not add up. I think that he might be hiding something from me …”
“Oh, Hetty, do not be so suspicious,” breathed Annabelle, her eyes shining. “He has remembered you, through all these years, and is intent on marrying you, despite what has happened, and the fact that you may never get a divorce.” She paused. “I know how impressed you were at the time by him. You should give him a chance. Has he declared his love for you?”
Hetty shook her head. “No. But he spends a lot of time with me and treats me very well.” She bit her lip. “But Annabelle, I cannot marry him, even if my divorce does come through. I vowed never to trust a man again, after what Frank did to me. I simply cannot let myself be vulnerable, in such a way, ever again …”
Annabelle looked shocked. “Hetty, he is aduke,” she breathed. “You would have such high status. Your life would be so very privileged. And I can tell that you like him, just by the way you are speaking about him.” She gazed at Hetty sadly. “Not all gentlemen are cut from the same cloth as Frank Blackmore, dearest. I know that you have been wronged so very badly, but that does not meanthisman will do the same thing to you …”
Hetty’s frown deepened. This was agony. She so wanted to believe what Annabelle was saying to her. But every time she started to soften towards the Duke, she began to panic. It was as if a defensive wall was suddenly erected inside her, and she could not hope to scale it.
“I wish to join a convent,” she said, looking Annabelle in the eye. “I want to be a nun.”
“What?” snorted Annabelle, spilling her tea. “A nun? You are joking with me, surely?”
Hetty miserably shook her head. “It is no joke. I wish to be in control of my own life and not be a burden on my parents for the rest of my days. I cannot marry ever again, even if I obtain a divorce. And in the world, I am a ruined woman. I do not wish to carry around the taint of scandal forever …”
“Hetty, you are not thinking clearly,” said Annabelle, looking shocked. “You are hurt and heartbroken by what Frank has done to you. I do not blame you for that, but you simply cannot throw your life away in a convent. I know you, and you would make a terrible nun. Believe me.”
Hetty felt offended. “I think I would be quite competent …”
“No, you would not,” said Annabelle quickly. “I do not wish to rainon your parade, dearest, but it is the simple truth of it. You are much too spirited. You would be arguing with the mother superior on the first day. You are not subservient enough for such a life, Hetty. And you are far too clever.” She paused, gazing at Hetty thoughtfully. “Did Frank … make love to you on your wedding night?”
Hetty blushed again. “No, he would not even sleep next to me, in the same bed. He claimed that I was tired, and he wanted to give me space …”
Annabelle sighed heavily. “You have not even been touched by a man, Hetty. Do you not think you would regret that if you took the veil? You would never be able to live freely again. That chance would be gone forever.” She paused. “And I can tell that you like this duke, in that certain way. You would not be blushing so fiercely every time we mention him if you did not.”
Hetty was silent. She shifted uneasily in her chair, contemplating Annabelle’s words.
It was true. She longed for the Duke to touch her. It was like a fire that had been slowly growing within her, the more time they spent together. Sometimes, if he accidently brushed against her, it leapt to life, as if it had a life of its own.
Imagine what it would be like to be touched by him all the time. Every night of my life, lying in his arms …
She shuddered, feeling that fire stirring within her once again. It was kindling to life, leaping and flickering, so fierce that she was scared that it would engulf her, entirely.
“Where is the Duke now?” asked Annabelle, quickly gazing around. “Is he here?”
Hetty shook her head. “No. He comes and goes, back and forth, between his estate in Hampshire, and here.” She frowned. “It is strange, Annabelle. He grows moody, after a few days here, and then suddenly announces he must leave within the hour. I am sure he is hiding something from me …”
Annabelle sighed again. “Hetty, if you want my advice, I think you should just let it happen, as it will,” she said slowly. “Stop trying to fight what you feel. Learn to trust again. And do not run away to a convent, dearest. You would look simply hideous in a nun’s habit.”
Hetty burst out laughing. Annabelle joined in, and suddenly, they were both hysterical. Della jumped excitedly, eager to be a part of the hilarity.
***
After Annabelle had left, Hetty sat in the drawing room, trying to read one of the books that the Duke had leant her. But her heart wasn’t in it. Restlessly, she put the book down, wandering throughthe house, like a lost soul.
