Page 59 of Healing the Duke's Desires
“Right now, I don’t feel like a good man,” he admitted, raking his fingers through his hair. “To be completely honest, I feel exactly the opposite.”
She didn’t say anything to that. It wasn’t necessary. Instead, she gestured at the large painting covered by a heavy drape in the corner of his art room. “Is that a portrait of Emily?”
He took a deep breath before answering. “Yes.”
“But… it is more than just a portrait, isn’t it?” Rose inquired gently, her fingers caressing the heavy drape, unwilling to pull it away without permission. She knew better than to do that, because she also knew what that portrait meant to him.
“What do you mean?” he asked a little apprehensively, but he could sense where she was heading with this. He awaited her response with a mix of surprise and vulnerability.
“If you will permit me to be so bold,” she spoke softly, tenderly, and he knew that whatever she had to say came from a place of love. “Despite everything that has happened, of maybe exactly because of it, your emotions have been kept under a heavy drape, just like this painting. You’ve been keeping them a secret from everyone, even yourself, forcing onto yourself a sense of duty that cannot be expected of anyone.”
“You don’t understand, Rose,” Alexander tried, but her loving smile stopped him.
“I understand all too well what it feels to lose someone who has been your rock, your safe harbor. I understand how frightening life looks afterwards, and how you feel unworthy of any happiness that might come to you so unexpectedly,” she reminded him.
Indeed, she understood. She had lost her father. Although Alexander had tried his best for her not to feel any want, he could never take the place of her father, nor had he ever meant to. But the pain of losing a loved one was universal. The heart ached in the same manner, in anguish, knowing that this someone would never come back again.
“When I lost Father, I thought I would never find someone who might even come close to him,” she admitted. “But you sheltered Mother and me from the storm when we needed you. You proved to us that we were worthy of happiness even in his absence.”
“Of course you are.” He smiled reassuringly. “And I would do it all over again, a million times if necessary.”
“I know that, and I am so grateful. And I also know that punishing yourself by closing yourself off from the rest of the world is not the answer,” she advised. “I’ve watched you, Alexander. I’ve seen the way you look at Emily, and the way you are when you are with her. I haven’t seen you that happy in a very long time.”
That much was true. He felt that surge of happiness every time Emily graced him with her presence. It was undeniable. As Rose’s words resonated within the room, Alexander’s mind wandered back to the memories he had hidden away, memories of moments spent with Emily.
He recalled the stolen glances, the genuine laughter, and the profound connection they had shared. Despite the complexities of their situation, those moments were pure and genuine, filling him with a happiness he hadn’t known before.
The heaviness in his heart began to shift, replaced by a bittersweet nostalgia for the joy he had experienced with Emily. It was a reminder of their genuine love, a love that had pushed against the confines of their circumstances.
“I really was happy with her,” he whispered, more to himself than to Rose. “Being with Emily made me feel alive in a way I never thought I would be again.”
Observing the interplay of emotions on Alexander’s face, Rose spoke with gentle encouragement, her voice infused with understanding and empathy. “Love is a rare and precious gift,” she reminded him.
“And when you find it, it is worth fighting for, even if the whole world is against you. If Emily is your source of happiness, if she makes your heart come alive, then it is a love worth embracing instead of shunning, despite the difficulties that lay ahead.”
Alexander wrestled with his conflicted feelings, torn between the love he felt and the duty he owed to his family and the memory of his late wife. The weight of his decisions pressed heavily on his shoulders. Rose seemed to sense it somehow, as only a woman could.
“I know that once, your heart belonged to Amelia.” She smiled. “And you will never forget her. How could you? But know that opening your heart to someone else doesn’t mean banishing Amelia from it. Your heart is big enough to cherish the memory of who you once were with Amelia, but at the same time allowing yourself the chance to be happy again, to love again.”
“There is a battle within me,” he confessed as simply as he could. “And it is tearing me apart.”
“You are your own worst enemy, Alexander,” she said, placing her hand on his cheek, her touch tender and comforting. “You are the only person standing between you and happiness. I know this is a difficult moment for you. But in the end, it is you who will make that choice. You must follow your heart and choose the path that brings you the most happiness.”
His heart heavy with the realization that choices needed to be made, Alexander knew he was at a crossroads. The decision would shape not only his life but the lives of those he loved. Summoning a deep breath, he approached the covered portrait of Emily, feeling a mix of trepidation and resolve. With steady hands, he gripped the edge of the drape and pulled it down, revealing Emily’s portrait to the dim light of the room.
His heart began to stir. The portrait was a mirror to his soul, reflecting the love he had hidden away. Staring at it now, the realization crystallized within Alexander. His heart yearned for Emily, and the memories of their shared moments flooded his thoughts, overpowering the barriers he had tried to construct.
“You’re right,” he said, finally surrendering. “I cannot deny my feelings any longer. I want Emily in my life. I… I cannot imagine her with anyone else. I cannot imagine myself with anyone else, or alone. I need her in my life. And… with things as they are, I owe it to her. Marrying her would save her from the storm of scandal that I myself placed her in.”
Rose stood by his side, understanding the profound realization that had washed over him. It was a moment of clarity, a decision that would shape his destiny. She placed a reassuring hand on his arm, silently supporting his choice. He had been told this by Mr. Stirling, and by Rose’s mother as well, but he couldn’t have imagined that his young cousin would be the one able to reach the very depths of his heart.
“Thank you, Rose,” he said, unable to contain his excitement. He felt as if the dam of his emotions had burst, and now, the flow was unable to stop. “I know what I must do now.”
He grabbed her by the shoulders and pressed his lips to her cheek. Then, he rushed out of the art room and headed to his study. He would not be able to sleep. But he could not very well appear in front of Emily’s door in the middle of the night.
Determined to make his proposal to Emily as magical as possible, Alexander decided that the first light of dawn would be the perfect backdrop for this momentous occasion. The morning sun would symbolize new beginnings, the start of a beautiful chapter in their lives. As for the night, he would remain awake, dreaming of their future life together, the same life that he had almost let slip out of his hands.
Chapter 34
