Page 53 of Healing the Duke's Desires
She wasn’t a woman any longer, but rather a living, breathing animal whose sole reason for existing was to become his. She clung to him fiercely, kissing him back with all her might. He started to move slowly, carefully, thrusting into her before withdrawing again. Alexander was all she could see, all she could think about. She wanted all of him.
Their tongues danced, as she felt as full of him as a woman could be full of a man. No other sensation could ever come near this. She followed his rhythm, her hips moving closer to him, as he entered her deeper with each single thrust. Then, another tidal wave of pleasure took hold of her, even more powerful than the last time. She bit her lower lip in an effort not to scream her pleasure for the entire world to hear.
He was still inside of her. They were one soul, separated into two bodies. If she was ever to tell him what lay in her heart, it had to be now. She couldn’t restrain this delight, this joy, this unconditional love. She had to tell him. It was now or never. As their gazes locked, with his body thrusting into hers as if his dear life depended on it, she spoke her truth.
“Alexander, I…” she started, feeling both vulnerable and empowered at the same time. “I love you…”
Chapter 30
As the moonlight cast its tender glow upon the secluded garden gazebo, Alexander felt a whirlwind of emotions swirling within him. Standing before Emily, their connection undeniable, he sensed the weight of destiny hanging in the air. Her whispered confession—“Alexander, I love you”—reverberated in his ears, a declaration of the deepest, most profound affection.
In that moment, his heart thundered in his chest, and he realized this was the culmination of his own yearning. He had longed for Emily’s love, dreamed of it in the quiet hours of the night, and now, it was here, right in front of him, raw and unfiltered. It was a love so pure and powerful that it threatened to consume his entire being.
But as her words lingered in the air, fear gripped him like a vise. It wasn’t a fear of her love, but rather a fear of what that love meant, the unknown path it would lead them down, the letting go of all the past that was weighing him down, drowning him in the waters of his own existence.
The consequences of society’s judgment, the weight of their families’ expectations, and the uncharted territory of their forbidden affection loomed large. It was an amalgamation of everyone else’s expectations of what he should do with his life. Everyone’s but his own.
Desperation flashed in Emily’s eyes as he hastily pulled away, creating a physical and emotional chasm between them. His breathing quickened, his mind racing to make sense of this overwhelming revelation. It was a moment he had longed for, but now that it was here, he felt ill-equipped to handle its magnitude.
“Emily, I…” he stammered, his voice quavering with uncertainty, with love and pain and everything in between. “I… I don’t know what to say.”
He was torn between the love he felt for her and the love he felt for his deceased wife. The promises he had made still lingered in his mind. He could still not see a way to escape them. They felt like shackles now, binding him to a ghost. However, this powerful connection, this love for Emily—it was everything he had secretly wanted, but it was also a force that had the power to upend their lives.
Emily, her voice trembling with hurt and frustration, broke the silence first. “Why won’t you say anything, Alexander?” she implored, her eyes filled with a mix of anguish and anger. “Do you not feel the same way about me? Just… talk to me, please.”
That was easier said than done. He had so many thoughts inside of him, and none wished to be dragged out into the open, bared to the world. Tension crackled in the air as Emily and Alexander stood at opposite ends of the gazebo. The moonlight that had once bathed them in a romantic glow now seemed to highlight the chasm that had opened between them, a darkness that would swallow them whole.
“You cannot look me in the eyes and tell me you feel nothing for me,” she pushed. All he wanted to do was retreat into his shell and be left alone with his anguished thoughts.
“No.” He shook his head sorrowfully. He could not say that.
His own emotions were a turbulent storm within him. He clenched his fists, struggling to find the right words, especially after the heated moment they had just shared.
How on earth was he supposed to convince her that fate did not mean for them to be together after they kissed so passionately, after proving that they were unable to keep their hands off each other? With her, he was able to be himself again, a part of him that he had all but forgotten. Now, he had to go back into the dark hole that had been his life and remain there for the rest of his days.
“Emily…” he finally continued, fighting himself, his own emotions and the whole world as he spoke. “You have to understand… things aren’t as simple as you want them to be.”
Her eyes widened in disbelief, those beautiful blue eyes that held unfathomable depths. He knew he had chosen the wrong words. It felt as if he were pushing her away from himself. In fact, that was exactly what he was doing, but that was for her own good. Only, she was too emotional to see it for herself. She deserved a man without the heavy baggage of past, a man whose heart would solely belong to her and no one else.
Then again, he could not imagine any man fulfilling that role apart from him. No one else. He wanted to wring the neck of any man who dared to even breathe next to her luscious lips and porcelain, swan-like neck. His emotions were tearing him apart, pulling on all sides, demanding everything from him.
“It isn’t about onlymewanting this,” she told him, her eyes blazing. “You are allowing someone else to dictate your happiness, something that should be your own choice and no one else’s. And honestly, I also almost fell in that trap. But I refuse to succumb to it. I don’t want anyone to be in charge of my own destiny and happiness but me.”
She took a step back, gently shaking her head, seemingly incredulous at what she was witnessing. “I thought you were different, Alexander. I thought if I told you how I truly feel, you would be willing to fight for us.”
Alexander’s frustration mounted and he paced within the gazebo’s confines, his thoughts a maelstrom. He did want to fight for them, but the question was, who would he be fighting? The world? His family? Or his own memories?
“It’s not about being different, Emily,” he argued, his voice laced with exasperation as he raked his fingers nervously through his hair. This conversation was becoming dangerously risky, out in the open where someone might overhear them, especially after what had just happened. “It’s about the reality of our situation. We can’t just ignore the consequences of our actions. Our families, society... they won’t understand.”
None of this was making any sense and they both knew it. He could see it in her eyes. Their voices echoed in the quiet garden, two hearts torn between the intensity of their love and the constraints of the world around them.
Each word they exchanged carried the weight of their conflicting emotions, and it was clear that the love they shared had ignited a passionate argument, one that would shape the future they were so desperately trying to protect.
***
Emily couldn’t believe that her confession had been met with such opposition. She wanted to prove to him that their lives were only theirs to live, no one else’s. He held the key to their happiness, and he was willing to throw it away out of a sense of duty to someone who was not even there any longer.
She could understand his pain, his inability to let go of the past, but one had to make a choice: to live in the present or in the past. One could not exist in both.
