Page 28 of Healing the Duke's Desires
“We’ve won!” Sarah clapped her hands, much to everyone’s enjoyment.
Emily had to admit that winning was the last thing on her mind. Whist required strategy, communication between partners and careful consideration of the cards played as well as bids made. With that said, she was completely unable to focus on the cards, and she allowed Alexander to make all the bids for their team. It was a game that combined skill with luck, and somehow, Emily didn’t think she possessed either right now.
As the games drew to a close and the guests began to disperse, Emily’s sense of longing was tinged with a bittersweet feeling. The magic of the evening had cast a spell over them, but the reality of the world around them was beginning to seep back in.
“It was so kind of you to invite us,” Emily’s mother curtsied gratefully in front of the dowager Duchess of Ravenswood, as well as Rose and Alexander, who were standing right next to her.
“I do hope you all had a lovely time,” the dowager duchess replied, equally politely.
After the formal goodbyes were said, Emily and her family headed to their carriage. Just as she was about to follow them, her gaze lingered on Alexander for a moment longer than it was strictly necessary.
She took a deep breath, the crisp night air soothing against her flushed cheeks. With a sensation of both anticipation and uncertainty regarding what the new day would bring, Emily allowed this afternoon’s enchantment to linger for a few moments longer before reluctantly turning to leave this wondrous place, her heart heavy with unspoken desire and the promise of what might come next.
Chapter 16
The following day dawned with a mix of anticipation and unease for Emily. As the sun’s rays filtered through her window, she found herself caught in a whirlwind of emotions that seemed to mirror the gentle rustling of the leaves outside. The memory of the previous afternoon’s enchanting moments with Alexander lingered in her mind, a tapestry of stolen glances and shared conversations.
As she moved through the morning routine, her thoughts kept drifting back to him. She imagined his voice, his laughter, and the way his eyes had held a certain depth that seemed to draw her in. The pianoforte in the corner of the room beckoned to her, and as she settled onto the bench, her fingers began to dance across the keys. Playing the pianoforte had always been her way of soothing a troubled mind, or in this case, a troubled heart.
Lost in her reverie, Emily’s mind painted a vivid picture of Alexander. The music she played seemed to carry the echoes of their unspoken connection, each note a reflection of the emotions swirling within her. The melodies were filled with a mixture of longing, hope, and uncertainty, a reflection of the complex emotions that had taken root in her heart.
Yet, amidst the daydreams, Emily couldn’t escape the weight of her reality. The knowledge of her engagement to the marquess hung over her like a dark cloud. The thought of marrying him sent a shiver down her spine, a sense of being trapped in a life that felt foreign and suffocating. Her family’s expectations, the societal pressures, and the fear of the unknown all combined to create a sense of unease that she couldn’t ignore.
Emily’s fingers eventually stilled on the keys. Her daydreams and her burdens converged in a complex symphony of emotions that left her feeling both exhilarated and conflicted. The magic of the previous afternoon had offered a glimpse of something more, a path that deviated from the one she was expected to tread. Now, a million questions swarmed inside her mind, a million possible, tantalizing what-ifs.
“Why, you usually play something far more joyful than this, my dear.”
The sound of her mother’s voice brought her back from her amorous reverie, and Emily realized she had been there, in the doorway, just standing and listening to her daughter pour her heart out through her fingers and into this melody. She felt strangely vulnerable, as if the notes were akin to words and her melody was an open diary for anyone to read.
Emily tried to smile. “A sad soul cannot play a happy tune.” This was true in so many ways.
Her mother knew what that referred to. She approached Emily with a heavy sigh. “My dear, I don’t want you to think that your father and I don’t love you. On the contrary, we love you both dearly, and as a result, we worry about you. We want to assure that you are well taken care of, because… well, we won’t be around forever, you know?”
Emily pretended to frown, although the idea of a world without her parents frightened her. “If this is your way of making me feel better, Mother, then you have botched it rather well.”
Her mother laughed at Emily’s choice of words, which was Emily’s intention. She didn’t want to have this difficult conversation. The thought of Alexander was always there, a stark reminder that there was more to life than the roles society assigned to them all.
She longed to speak with him, to see if perhaps that kiss had meant as much to him as it did to her. Then, if her hopes were further enflamed by his admission… well, Emily would have this conversation with her parents, fighting for her own future and the right to live her life with whom she wanted, not with whom she would be forced to.
“Why don’t we go and see what your sister is doing?” her mother suggested, taking Emily by the hand. “And maybe that nice young man Mr. Wilcott would be visiting soon. I do believe he and Sarah are slowly getting to know each other.”
Emily liked the sound of that. Her mother had obviously taken a liking to the man, much to Sarah’s delight. That meant that at least for one of them, the prospect of romance and marriage was a rather bright one. Emily nodded to her mother, and together, they headed out of the music room in an effort to find Sarah.
***
“I don’t know why I did it…” he said loudly, and much to his horror, that was a lie. He felt unable to tell the truth, even in this solitary moment where there was no one else around but himself and the portrait of his late wife.
In the quiet solitude of his library, Alexander’s heart was heavy with an unbridled concoction of emotions. Guilt gnawed at him like a ravenous beast, its talons digging deeper and deeper into his conscience. He looked up at the portrait of his late wife, her image frozen in time. The painter had managed to capture her eyes perfectly, for even on canvas, they held a world of warmth and kindness in them.
His gaze lingered on her painted features, his mind haunted by the memories of their life together. Their love had been strong, their bond unbreakable. Amelia had been his confidante, his partner, and his muse. Her passing had left a void that he had struggled to fill, a grief that had cast a shadow over his days.
And now he felt as though he had betrayed Amelia’s memory. The memory of his passionate kiss with Emily weighed heavily on his shoulders, a silent accusation that echoed in the quiet corners of his mind. It was a betrayal he couldn't ignore, a breach of the sacred vows he had once made.
As he stared at Amelia’s portrait, Alexander’s heart ached with the weight of his conflicting emotions. He had allowed himself to be drawn into the enchantment of the garden, the spark of connection with Emily too powerful to resist. But in doing so, he couldn’t shake the feeling that he had tarnished the purity of the love he had once shared with Amelia.
At that moment, he heard a knock on the door. His thoughts drifted back to the present moment, and he was grateful to whoever it was for this distraction.
“Yes?” he called out.
