Page 36 of The Lord's Icy Temptress
“Well, my dear,” Lillian said with a playful glint in her eyes, “it seems you have found quite the corner to hide away in.”
Seraphina’s heart raced, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. She cleared her throat, attempting to regain her composure, even though her heart still pounded with the intensity of the emotions that had surged through her just moments before.
“I ... I was merely ... admiring the … collection,” Seraphina stammered, her voice betraying her unease. It was a very pathetic attempt at an excuse in the first place, even to her ears, but she could not take it back now that it was out.
Lillian arched an eyebrow, her expression both amused and knowing. “Indeed. Well, I believe it is time for you to freshen up. The powder room is just down the hall. I shall accompany you; there are a great many people that I should like to introduce you to!”
“Yes, Mother, of course.” Seraphina moved forward awkwardly, feeling at odds with her body. Strange to go from one end of the sensation spectrum to the other so quickly. It nearly made her dizzy from the rapid shift. It took everything left in her self-control to keep from looking back over her shoulder to see if Tristan was visible or if he had any thoughts about her leaving so quickly. To do so would be to give herself away to her mother, and she certainly did not wish to look any more guilty than she already did.
As Lillian’s gaze lingered on her, Seraphina knew that her mother was well aware of the reason behind her flustered state. With a nod of acquiescence, she managed a faint smile before slipping past Lillian and making her way to the retiring room, Mother’s gaze burning into her back with every step. How was she going to explain herself? Was there anything that she could even say to defend herself? She supposed she ought to be grateful that it was her mother who had come to find her and not somebody else who would have cooked up an unwanted scandal.
The memory of Tristan’s touch lingered on her skin, and her heart raced at the thought of him hidden behind the draperies, watching and waiting. The encounter left her both exhilarated and slightly rattled, a cocktail of emotions swirling within her. Seraphina strolled right across the room to the small wash basin and rung out the cloth there to dampen her flushed face. Any moment her mother would start asking her questions that she did not know how she would answer.
“Dare I ask what you were doing in the library, alone?” Mother asked, her voice gentle but leading.
Seraphina glanced at her through the reflection in the small, circular mirror and struggled to summon a sufficient answer. At her silence, her mother continued her line of questioning, though Lilian was not the sort of woman to simply come out and ask directly. No, she would attempt to make Seraphina confess on her own first.
“Seraphina, you’ve been acting rather ... uncharacteristically lately,” Lillian began, her voice laced with concern and reprimand. “Dare I ask if this has something to do with our recent infatuation with Lord Ashford, perhaps?”
Seraphina replaced the cloth back on the basin and tried to walk towards the door. As if there was any chance of her leaving this room without explaining herself first. “I am sure I do not know what you mean, Mother.”
Lilian smiled softly. “I was once a young girl, too, you know. I know what it is like to be wrapped up in a man of a certain reputation … but there is a time and a place for such things! You cannot afford to ruin your reputation after all these years by acting so recklessly! He has not even proposed to you!”
“I know that, Mother. Honestly, I know the risks. I was being careful.” Seraphina sighed, knowing that she was possibly admitting to far too much with such a simple statement as that.
“If I saw you and put the pieces together, you must know that others have as well! You are not some faceless wallflower floating by your seasons until reaching spinsterhood, my dear girl; you are the rose. You are watched, studied, and adored whether you like it or not. With that comes certain obligations. You must be more cautious than others! It does not matter how infatuated you are or are not. Lord Ashford does not have to worry the same as you because while it is unfair, he is a man, and that is simply how things are!”
Seraphina’s gaze narrowed. “Stop this. You know not of what you speak.”
“And if you do this — if you allow yourself to be carried away, and he does not propose? If he uses you and does not put a ring on your finger? What then? You shall be ruined! Our family shall be tarnished.”
“Is that what this is truly about? Mother? Your reputation? How this will affect you?” Seraphina’s words came out far more sharply than she had intended them to.
“I urge you to mind your tone when you speak to me,” Lilian reprimanded firmly. The soothing, conversational tones were gone — quickly replaced by a demand for an explanation. “This is about you behaving improperly! You cannot seriously think that anything about what you were doing was a good idea?!”
Seraphina’s heart pounded in her chest, a mixture of fear and indignation bubbling within her. She squared her shoulders, meeting Lillian’s gaze head-on. “Improper? I do not see how having a conversation in the library is improper.”
“Conversation? With a man alone? You cannot possibly expect me to believe that you are suddenly so very, very foolish!” Lillian’s lips tightened, her gaze unwavering. “ People will talk, and we cannot afford to have our family name tarnished by scandal.”
A spark of anger flared within Seraphina’s chest, her frustration bubbling to the surface. “And what if I do not care about what people say? What if I want to make my own choices?”
The moment she said the words, Seraphina wished she could take them back. She did not mean them. Even learning that she was adopted and the truth of her birth, there was no point in which she had wished not to be a part of their family. No part of her would have ever wished to truly endanger them or their reputation.
Lillian’s expression hardened, her voice taking on a firmer edge. “You are part of this family, Seraphina, and your actions reflect not only on you but all of us. I have raised you to be a proper lady, and I expect you to act accordingly.”
“But I am not a proper lady, am I? I am just a commoner playing pretend. But you knew that already.” The tension in the room was palpable, the air thick with unspoken words and emotions. Seraphina’s voice quivered as she retorted, her anger and pain colliding in a whirlwind of emotions. “You are not my real mother.”
Pain lanced over Lillian’s face. No doubt she questioned how it was that Seraphina knew the truth or at which point she had learned about her true parentage. The older woman’s chin dimpled as she fought back the urge to cry. She had hurt her mother with her words, something she had not thought herself ever capable of. She quickly regained her composure, her voice steady and measured. “No, I am not your birth mother. But I have raised you as my own, and I have worked hard to provide you with a good life and opportunities you would not have otherwise.”
Seraphina’s voice shook with emotion as she shot back, her words sharp and laced with bitterness. “And no matter how hard you try, you cannot erase the fact that I am the daughter of a maid. No matter how much you want to mold me into a proper lady, I will always be different. No matter how pretty a dress you put me in or how I conduct myself, I shall never be who they think I am!”
Emotion was getting the better of her now, and she could not stop it.
“So really, what is the point?!”
Lillian’s expression softened slightly, a flicker of sympathy in her gaze. “Seraphina, I know your upbringing has been different, but I have tried to give you a chance at a better life. I have treated you with love and care, and I have hoped that you would embrace the opportunities you have been given … you are my daughter, and I love you. Even if I was not lucky enough to have carried you.”
Seraphina’s anger began to wane, tears welling in her eyes as a complex mix of emotions replaced her frustration. She sank into a nearby chair, her shoulders slumping as the weight of her conflicting feelings settled upon her. “I know, Mother. And I appreciate everything you have done for me. But sometimes, I just ... I cannot escape the truth of where I came from … I have tried and tried to figure out what it means for me and how I think of myself, and I …”
