Page 63 of Enthralled in the Governess' Gaze
Edward turned to stare into the fire. “I…I do not know what to say.”
“The truth,” Emily insisted. “Just tell the truth. How do you feel about her?”
Edward did not answer for several moments as he considered his words carefully.
At length, he admitted, “I do feel something for her. I feel quite strongly for her, truth be told. I do not think I have ever felt this way about any woman before.”
“Then why do you not pursue her?” Emily questioned. “She is far better of a match for you than any lady I could think of. Do not tell me her being a nanny is holding you back?”
Edward shook his head. “No, that is not why. I do not care that she is a nanny and not a lady. I cannot be with her, though. I simply cannot trust her or any woman.”
His sister released a groan of frustration. “Oh, do not use that excuse with me, Edward. Tory is not Cressida. You cannot let Cressida ruin your life in this way.”
“She has damaged me beyond repair,” he grumbled. “She was so special and seemed so perfect…if that was a lie, how can I believe anything a woman presents to me?”
“Edward, listen to me,” Emily demanded. “If you let Cressida take away your desire for love and family, you let her win. You are letting her have control over you even now. If you want to be free of her once and for all, you simply need to embrace the love that is waiting for you with Tory.”
Taking a deep drink, Edward considered his sister’s words carefully. She was right, he knew. He could not let Cressida continue to have this hold over him. Still, he was hesitant to give in to his desires to be with Miss Clifford.
“The fact that she is our governess is not something that can be completely ignored,” he hedged, even though he had just said such a thing did not matter to him. “I would be pushing her into a position she is not prepared for. She would be the centre of the Ton’s attention.”
Emily rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Edward, I am not a fool. You are just making excuses now. Her position does not matter if you love her. Besides, you will be a Duke one day. If you cannot follow your heart, who can? What good is your title then?”
Edward released a long breath and sat back in his chair. “I take your point, Emily. Still…it is not an easy thing for me.”
Emily nodded. “Yes, I know. I understand, Edward, but I just want to see you happy.” She stood and finished her sherry, placing her empty glass on the table next to her chair. She moved closer to Edward and leaned down to kiss his cheek. “I do not want you to be alone and miserable the rest of your life, brother. Please, give the matter some thought. Tory is special, and you should not let her pass you by.”
Edward nodded. “I will think about it.”
Smiling, she patted his shoulder and turned toward the door, leaving him alone. Edward continued to sit in his chair, sipping his drink and contemplating everything Emily had said to him. She was right, he knew she was, but there was still a hesitation in him he could not completely shake.
He was so afraid of being hurt again. Now when he looked back on his relationship with Cressida, he knew he had not loved her. Still, her betrayal had hurt him so badly…if he were to be betrayed by someone he truly loved, he could not imagine how devastated he would be.
After some time, he finished his scotch and pushed to his feet, deciding it was best that he go to bed.
He made his way upstairs to head to his room. The rest of the house was quiet and dark, and his footsteps seemed to echo as he walked. Reaching his bedroom, he quickly stripped and put on his bedclothes before crawling under the covers of his bed. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling above, willing himself to fall asleep.
However, his mind simply would not slow down. His thoughts swirled like a storm inside his mind, and he grew increasingly frustrated when he could not quiet them enough to actually find some peace.
After nearly an hour of restlessness, he let out a growl of frustration and shoved his blankets aside. Getting out of bed, he grabbed his robe and threw it on, tying it tightly around his waist. Perhaps if he did a bit of reading, it would distract him enough that he could calm his thoughts and go to sleep.
Leaving his room, he made his way toward the library. When he reached the library doors, he found them cracked open, and a soft glow seeped out from within. He paused. Was someone else awake at this late hour?
Slowly, he opened the door further and made his way inside. Looking around, his eyes landed on Miss Clifford, curled up in a large cushioned chair, a book opened in her hands.
Chapter 32
At the sound of the door opening, Victoria looked up and was startled to see Lord Harford standing in the room with her.
Neither said anything for long moments as they simply stared at each other, both surprised to see the other.
At length, she closed her book and scrambled to her feet. She did not wish to be alone with Lord Harford. She was still unnerved from their outing with the Hutches earlier that morning and still upset with him for prying into her privacy regarding the letters.
“Excuse me, my lord,” she murmured, moving to hurry past him. “I will get out of your way.”
“Miss Clifford, wait,” he said, stepping into her path. “Do not go. I wish to speak with you.”
She stopped and looked up to meet his gaze. She was nervous and afraid of what he would say.
