Page 3 of Enthralled in the Governess' Gaze
Taking a deep, fortifying breath, she turned back to her mother and began, “Mother, I have something I would like to discuss with you. Something that I think will help our current predicament.”
Her mother glanced up at that with a furrowed brow. “What is it, my dear?”
Victoria swallowed. She had not thought this conversation would be quite so difficult, but she forged ahead.
“I have been considering what can be done to ensure our futures,” Victoria explained. “The girls are sixteen now and will need to come out in society soon if they are to find good husbands. And Henry needs to advance his schooling, but we cannot afford to send him anywhere of merit.”
Her mother frowned. “Why are you talking about such matters? Something will work out for your sisters and your brother. We may not have the wealth we once did when your father was alive, but we are not destitute, and we still have the favour of the French court.”
Whether or not that was entirely true, Victoria could not say. Regardless, favour did not always provide an income, which was what their family truly needed.
“Mother, I believe we must be more realistic about our circumstances,” Victoria said gently. “I want to help Henry and the girls, and I want to help you. I have decided to try and find a position as a governess.”
Her mother’s eyes widened with obvious shock. “What? Why in the world would you do something like that?”
“We need the money, mother,” Victoria insisted. “We might not be destitute, but we are heading in that direction if we do not do something to stop it.”
Putting down her needlework, her mother stood and crossed the room to Victoria, taking hold of her hands.
“My darling girl, you do not need to do this,” her mother declared. “I do not want you to throw your life away….”
“I am hardly throwing my life away by becoming a governess,” Victoria said with an exasperated shake of her head. “Come now, mother. I can live a perfectly respectable life as a governess. I can serve a good home with a fine family and live a very comfortable life while also providing for you all.”
“But you will lose out on your chances to find a gentleman to fall in love with and marry,” her mother despaired, squeezing her hands. “Victoria, please…do not sacrifice your happiness for the rest of us.”
“Mother, I am doing no such thing.” Victoria had known this would not be an easy conversation. She had been prepared for an argument but could not help her frustration.
Shaking her head, her mother released Victoria and threw her hands up.
“I will hear no more about it,” she insisted, turning back to her chair to gather up her needlepoint.
“Mother, please…”
“No, no,” her mother shook her head and hurried toward the door. “I will not speak of this anymore. I have much to do today, so enough!”
Before Victoria could stop her, her mother slipped out the door. Clenching her hands into fists, she released an agitated breath. Her mother might try to run from the conversation, but Victoria would not give up. Her mind was set. She would move forward with it whether her mother liked it or not.
***
“Mother, you cannot keep avoiding having this conversation with me. Just because you do not want to face a certain reality does not mean it will simply go away.”
Three days. It had been three days since Victoria had first told her mother of her plans to find work as a governess. She felt she had been doing nothing but chasing her mother around, trying to talk with her since. Their home was by no means large, so it was not simply a matter of her mother disappearing from one room to the next. More than once, she had had to pass by Victoria to get away from her.
Having reached the end of her patience, Victoria finally managed to corner her mother in the kitchen.
Standing with her hands on her hips, her mother scowled at her. “I am not running from you or this conversation, and I am well aware that I cannot simply ignore our situation. But, Victoria, you must understand, I only want you to have a happy life, and I do not think you will find that as a governess.”
Sighing, Victoria asked, “And what is your definition of a happy life, mother? Marriage? Children? That is all well and good, but none of us can have either without the means to be present in society. Would it not be better for at least my brother and sisters to advance in the world, even if I do not?”
Her mother shook her head. “You do not need to worry….”
Victoria took hold of her mother’s shoulders and forced her to meet her gaze.
“Mother, please, hear me,” she said in a firm tone. “I. Want. To. Do. This. I want to make this choice, and I want to help you and my siblings. Please understand that I will not change my mind. I want your support in this, but I will still go out and look for work if I cannot get it.”
Her mother stared at her with wide eyes, and Victoria could tell she wanted to argue the point further, but to her relief, she pressed her lips together and released a long breath. Her shoulders slumped as though in defeat.
“You are so like your father,” her mother murmured with a shake of her head. “So stubborn. So strong-willed. I…I want something more for you, Victoria, but I can see that no matter what I say, I will not sway you.”
