Page 10 of Enthralled in the Governess' Gaze
Besides, more than any of that, Victoria wanted to marry for love, if she married at all. She did not want to be with someone simply because they were wealthy or because they could raise her up in society. It would never be enough for her to simply have an arrangement with a husband. She wanted a full life and partnership. She wanted him to adore her and for her to feel desperate for him. She wanted passion and affection.
Nothing less than that would do for her.
Henrietta frowned. “My dear girl, I just do not want you to regret this decision. Marriage is such a lovely endeavour. I married my Phillip when I was a little younger than you are now, and we were very happy together until his death. I would only wish for you to know such contentment."
"I know, godmother," Victoria gently replied. “I appreciate your care, I truly do, but my family needs me now. I cannot risk not finding a husband who would help them when I can find a steady income to support them myself.”
Henrietta sighed. “My goodness, you are strong-willed. An admirable trait, do not misunderstand me. I understand your logic, my dear, even if I wish it was not the most straightforward path available. You deserve comfort and care, but you are a good daughter and loving sister.
Very well, since I see that I have no hope of convincing you otherwise, I will do all I can to help you find a position. I will put out advertisements and write to some of my friends to see if we can set up interviews for you right away. You will also need new dresses appropriate for your role as a governess.”
Victoria relaxed and gave Henrietta a wide smile.
Grabbing her godmother’s hand, she squeezed it and said, “Thank you. I cannot properly express how much this means to me. How much it means to my family.”
Henrietta’s expression was warm and kind as she replied, “Your mother is one of my dearest friends. I promised her I would always be there for her, even after she was whisked away to France by your father. I am fulfilling my promise to her now by helping you.”
“I am so very grateful, godmother,” Victoria assured her. “Truly. I would not be able to do this without your support.”
“You are very welcome,” Henrietta chuckled. “I wish you all the luck as you pursue this path, but I will also hope that you find true happiness one way or another.”
Victoria’s heart warmed at her godmother’s words. She knew choosing to be a governess would not be a glamorous life, nor would it likely be an overly-exciting life. However, it would be a stable and secure one. After going through such tumultuous times since her father’s death, stability and security were exactly what she was craving.
Chapter 7
“Oh, yes, that will look quite fetching,” Henrietta nodded as she gazed at Victoria’s reflection. "It is simple, but it is quite appropriate, and you look rather smart.”
Victoria did not say anything in response as she studied her reflection. It was later in the morning, and Henrietta had brought Victoria to a dress shop to be measured for and order a new wardrobe appropriate for her future role as a governess.
Victoria could not help but feel a bit despondent as she stared in the long mirror. She was wearing a black dress with a high neck and no great amount of decoration. It was a simple, conservative gown, and she felt simple and conservative in it.
That was the point, she supposed. She was not meant to catch anyone’s eye wearing something like that dress. She was meant to blend in and all but disappear. Her whole life, she had been taught to stand out, and her clothes had reflected that when her father had been alive, and her family’s fortunes had been different. Fine silks and satins, ropes of pearls, and jewelled broaches. Colour. So much colour. She had adored colourful dresses.
Now she would be relegated to blacks, greys, and other dark, austere shades. No more colour. No more silks, satins, pearls, or jewels. It was a sacrifice she had not considered until that moment, but it was one she would willingly make regardless.
As if Henrietta could read her thoughts, she placed her hands on Victoria’s shoulders and softly asked, “Are you all right? It is all right if you want to change your mind. There is still time.”
Victoria met her godmother’s gaze in the mirror and shook her head. “No, I am fine. I do not want to change my mind. It is just taking me a little bit of time to adjust, that is all.”
Henrietta frowned and clearly wished to say more, but she murmured, “Very well. If you are certain.”
“I am,” Victoria assured her.
Henrietta did not look entirely convinced, but she nodded and stepped back so that the seamstress could help Victoria change out of the dress. They ordered three more like it, just in differing shades of grey, brown, and navy, and the seamstress packaged up the black gown as well as a few hats they had purchased.
Victoria stepped in to take the packages and said to Henrietta, “I will go and take these to the carriage.”
Henrietta nodded. “Very good. I will be along shortly.”
Arms full, Victoria turned and hurried out of the shop. She needed a bit of air, and some time by herself to take in all the changes she was going through. Before her plan to become a governess had just been an idea – now it had become very real, and the adjustment was proving a bit more difficult than Victoria had anticipated.
Still, she was determined to see her plan through. A few plain dresses were a small price to ensure her sisters and brother were taken care of. That her mother was provided for.
Victoria grew so lost in her thoughts that she was not paying attention to where she was walking as she headed toward the carriage. All of a sudden, she collided with something. Withsomeone. She lost hold of her packages, and they tumbled to the ground as whoever she had bumped into let out a grunt of surprise.
Not wishing her packages to get dirty, she quickly bent down to pick them back up. The person she had bumped into apparently wished to help, but as neither was paying much attention to the other at that moment, they misjudged the distance between them and smacked their heads together.
Victoria let out a cry of pain and exasperation while the other person grunted again.
