Page 30 of Beehive Yourself
“More or less.” I hold up my arm. “But you should see the other guy.”
Sawyer’s brows furrow as he opens his eyes and takes in the angry red mark on my wrist. “I have something to put on that.”
“It’s fine, really.” The small smile is forced as I try to make myself say the words. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about dinner.”
“You’re a big girl, Hallie. You don’t owe me anything.”
“I didn’t expect to like being back in Starlight Bay. This hasn’t been my home for a long time, Sawyer. Even when I lived here, I struggled to fit in. When I left, I used my job as a way to heal that part of me. I made it my whole identity, and I forgot who I am when I’m not wearing scrubs.”
“Happy to help with your revelation,” he says, not quite meeting my gaze.
“Please,” I whisper, clutching the plate as I close the distance between us and ease myself down onto the bed by his hip. “I didn’t mean to hurt you. But being with you shifted something inside me, and suddenly being the person constantly picking up and moving all the time didn’t hold the same appeal. I got scared.”
“And you don’t think I’m scared knowin’ you got one foot out the door? I left Blackstone Falls to be here.” He swallows hard. “I can’t do it again. I can’t follow you knowing you’re never gonna settle down.”
“That’s what I’m trying to tell you.” Pulling in a deep breath, I say, “I’m going to accept a permanent position at the hospital.”
“What hospital?”
“This one.”
He opens his mouth and closes it before shaking his head. “I don’t understand.”
“My mom asked if you’d come to dinner, but things between us had shifted and I didn’t feel right asking you to come when I had feelings for you—real, messy, palpable feelings—and then I found out I could make my job at the hospital permanent. I needed time to process it, because even though I want it, I’m still saying goodbye to so much of what I’ve known and who I was.”
“Why didn’t you just tell me?”
“I wanted to, but it felt foolish to throw all of it at you without knowing for sure if I’d stay.”
“But you are.”
“I am.
“And now what?”
“I want to be here…with you. Date you. I just don’t want to go to the winery,” I tell him, pressing my lips together when he arches an eyebrow. “You said it to hurt me and I…I just don’t want to go there.”
A beat passes.
And then another.
The silence is deafening, my heart shattering into a million little pieces the longer I sit here.
Had I read this entire situation wrong?
Swallowing hard, I place the plate on the nightstand, my face heating at how foolish I’d beenmaking him cookies.
“I’m going to clean up the kitchen and then?—”
“Have you tried these?” he asks, picking up a cookie and holding it out to me.
“Uh, no,” I say with a tight smile that feels more like a grimace. “I thought we could try them together but…” I lift a shoulder and let it fall as I push myself up from the bed.
“Hallie.”
“I don’t know what you want me to say. I’m in love with you but I’m not my sister. I’m not trying to get away and find myself because I already found myself, here, with you. But you haven’t said anything and I can’t just sit here when you won’t even tell me there’s a chance.”
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