Page 14 of Quietly Falling
JENSEN: I’ll bring the baby and the beer
MONTANA: RIGHT??
Snickering, I pocket my phone, thankful for the reprieve after talking with Rhea today. I need the fire, and reluctantly, I can admit I need their company tonight too.
We’d been unofficially dubbed theBachelors of Blackstone Falls, an absurd label that had fallen away as each of them had paired off, leaving me as the last man standing.
I don’t need a wife or girlfriend, but I can admit it’s been lonely these last few months with Mason moving in with Lana and her kids.
I’ve never had friends so that isn’t the problem.
But Mason has been as much of a lifeline for me as I’ve been for him, and I can’t deny the way my chest aches knowing that it will never be just us.
And it shouldn’t.
That’s life and he’s found a woman—a family—that loves him as much as he loves them. It’s everything he’s ever wanted and all the things he deserves.
And I’m so damn happy for him I can barely breathe.
Doesn’t mean I don’t feel the loss though.
Loss.
An old friend that creeps in to remind you that you’ll never break free of the cycle—people die or they leave, and you’re just there picking up the pieces, not quite as whole as you were before they left.
It’s a cruel reminder but I’m thankful for it now. I may never know the kind of happiness the guys have found and that’s okay.
It’s not for everyone.
It may never be for me.
* * *
“You’re really takingHolland to the cemetery?” Mason asks as he drops into the seat next to me and hands me an opened beer as I cradle Remi against my chest, her lips puckered as she sleeps.
Jensen and Archer are talking about Jensen’s schedule meshing with his fiancée, Nessa’s, since she took the head coaching position for the women’s soccer team at Blackstone University after retiring last season from the Tennessee Tornadoes, while Montana tries to figure out which pastry to grab even though he’s already had two.
“Lana said it was fine,” I tell him as I try not to roll my eyes. His girlfriend called me not long after the group message had gone silent to ask my plans for the weekend. “Besides, how many times have you gone with me? She wants to come, and Lana said it’s okay so I wasn’t gonna argue.”
Any of the fight left in him dissipates and is replaced by a knowing grin because if there’s anything true in this world, it’s that I will let Holland get away with anything.She’s nine going on fourteen and has me wrapped around her little finger.
Doesn’t hurt that Lana already gave her stamp of approval.
“Lana’s still pissed you can do that braid wrap thing. She’s been trying nonstop and all she gets isit’s not like Uncle Bodhi does it.”He snickers and I want to feel bad because Lana is amazing and great for my brother, but it feels good to be needed even if it’s just something small like this.
I’d spent hours learning how to braid Audrey’s hair, always just trying to impress her with new twists and styles. I’d kept up with it when she’d gone missing, part of me wanting to be able to show her what I’d learned when she came back and the other knowing she never would but that she’d want me to do it for the other girls that came through the home.
“I offered to teach her.”
“She thinks it’s a competition.”
“Yeah, well, she took my brother; the least she can do is let me style her daughter’s hair.”
I didn’t mean to say the words. Thinking about Audrey always does this to me…makes me say things I shouldn’t. Conversation around the fire dies off as Mason lowers his bottle into his lap and stares at me.
“Dude, I?—”
“Stop. That’s not what I meant.” I hit him with a hard stare. “No way in hell I’d let you move back in anyway.” The last part is in jest but it misses the mark. Again.
