Page 77 of Strictly Solo
Pain etched deeper lines around his eyes as he spoke. “He cheated on her. Yes, they say he ended that affair when the family found out. Yes, they all ‘forgave’ him, swept it under the rug like these things never happened. But you should see my sister now. This... this institution of marriage... it’s like handcuffs. Golden, society-approved handcuffs that took awaytheir right to walk away when they should have. It stole their dignity, their self-respect, their ability to say ‘enough’ and leave.”
His thumbs gently wiped away the tears that had begun falling down her cheeks. “That’s what terrifies me, Naina. Not commitment, not love, but this trap called marriage that makes people endure the unendurable just because some papers and vows say they should. You think only by marrying you and legally becoming his father I can love Neil more than I already do?”
He gripped her face harder. “No, Naina. A societal tag like marriage cannot decide what I have for you and Neil. Let me talk to Neil. I know he’s hurt, but I’ll fix this. I’ll show both of you that real love, real commitment doesn’t need the chains of marriage to prove itself.”
The mention of Neil snapped her out of her stupor. She broke free from his grip with force.
“And what exactly do you plan to tell Neil? That everything he’s been dreaming of, the idea of havingyouas his father, isn’t possible? That none of this...will ever be real?” Her voice rose with each word. “Neil is seven, Ruhaan. He’s a kid. The more you stay around, the more he’ll suffer because...no matter how you slice it, you and I both know you don’t want to be his father.”
She hugged her arms to her chest, struggling to maintain her composure.
“I understand your past, Ruhaan. I truly do. But Neil doesn’t deserve to pay the price for your uncle or brother in law’s sins. And yes, a societal tag called marriage is a must for a woman like me to share her life and son with a man. Any other relationship between us apart from that is going to affect Neil, and I am not going to let that happen.” Her voice hardened with determination. “I can take the dirt on me but not let my son have it on him. Society isn’t as understanding of ‘alternative arrangements’ as you’d like to believe. So, if you’re not ready forany of this, then please stay away from us. That’s for everybody’s good.”
He wanted to deny it, to argue, to tell her she was wrong, but what could he say?
“Don’t do this, Naina. Don’t shut me out like this. You can’t just decide everything on your own. What we have—”
“What we have?” She whirled around. “What exactly do we have, Ruhaan? A relationship that we can’t even define? A love story that has to hide in shadows because you’re too scared to give it a name?” Her laugh was hollow, bitter. “What should I tell Neil? Should I tell him that the man he wants to become his father figure is too damaged by his past to actually become one?”
“No, Ruhaan. This isn’t a choice anymore. I’m not interested in any more of the casual arrangement you want between us. I’m Neil’s mother first. And I can’t let him grow up thinking that love means living in uncertainty, that commitment is optional, that family is something you can have without fully claiming it.”
Ruhaan’s fists clenched at his sides, knowing he’d already lost control of this situation. Naina stormed out of her office cabin, feeling suffocated by his presence, by the crushing reality of what would never be.
*****************
Ruhaan left Naina’s office after that but that same evening, the urge to fix everything became too much to ignore. Against his better judgment, he found himself back at her office building, parked a safe distance away as he watched her car pull out. He followed at a discreet distance, winding through the city until her car turned into a residential building. Finally, he knew where she lived, but just knowing didn’t feel like enough.
He parked near her building, waiting in his car as he wrestled with whether he should go up or not. The mess they were in needed fixing, and more importantly, he needed to see Neil. He sat in his car for over an hour, watching the elegant apartmentbuilding, debating whether to simply walk in as a visitor. That’s when he spotted Neil in the garden, his small figure darting between other children as they played.
Ruhaan’s heart leaped at the sight. Without thinking twice, he got out of his car and approached the security gate. The elderly watchman stopped him with a raised hand.
“Sir, which flat number?” the watchman asked.
Ruhaan hesitated, knowing he couldn’t provide Naina’s flat number. Even if he mentioned Naina Bhalla’s name, the watchman would call her, and she would definitely deny him entry. Left with no choice, he called out loudly, “Neil!”
The boy froze mid-play. His eyes widened as he spotted Ruhaan at the gate, and for a moment, he seemed torn between running toward him and staying put.
Ruhaan knelt down, his heart aching at Neil’s hesitation. “Won’t you give me a hug, champion?”
The elderly watchman observed the scene with curious eyes, trying to piece together how this stranger knew Neil. Before he could intervene, Neil’s face broke into a wide smile, and he ran toward Ruhaan, throwing himself into his arms.
“I missed you so much,” Neil whispered, his small arms tightening around his neck.
Ruhaan hugged him closer. “I missed you too, buddy. So, so much.”
When they pulled apart, Neil’s looked down sadly. “Mom said... you don’t want to be my daddy.”
Ruhaan gently lifted Neil’s chin, forcing himself to meet those innocent eyes. “Being a daddy... it’s a big responsibility, Neil. And sometimes... sometimes grown-ups need time to be sure they’re ready for such important things.”
Neil’s lower lip trembled slightly. “So you don’t want to be?”
“Hey, look at me,” Ruhaan said softly, his hands on Neil’s shoulders. “I promise you this – I’m not going anywhere.I’ll always be here for you, whenever you need me. That’s a promise.”
A weak smile crossed Neil’s face, though confusion lingered in his eyes about what this meant for their relationship.
“Neil!” Naina appeared suddenly, rushing forward to pull Neil away from Ruhaan. “What do you think you’re doing here? Did you follow me?”
“You didn’t give me a choice.” He stood up. “And no matter what you say, I’m not going to stop coming. I can’t. I know this is complicated, but I can’t pretend none of this matters. Thatyouand Neil don’t matter.
