Page 38 of Do Me
“Please leave.”
Icy tentacles of fear slid down his spine. “I can’t do that. I’m not leaving you like this. I don’t know why he said those things to you, but their lies, honey.”
Without warning, she jumped up, almost knocking him over. “You have no idea what he did to me,” she shouted.
“No, I don’t,” he said, rising from the floor and trying to keep his voice soft and calm. “But if you tell me, maybe we can fix it together.” He reached for her and she slapped his hands away.Shewas the trained clinician, not him, but his baby was hurting and he had to do something.
Londyn rounded on him, her hazel eyes blazing in anger. “You can’t fix this. You can’t fixme.” She hit her palm against her chest.
“Londyn—”
“He wanted me to act like those women in the porn movies. Men always do.”
Braxton felt his eyes widen and his chest tighten. “Not all men are like that, sweetheart.”
“Are you going to stand there and tell me you’veneverwatched pornography?”
“No,” he said slowly. “But—”
“I knew it. You’ll change just like the rest of them.” She marched over and snatched the door open. “Get out.”
Stunned, he couldn’t move. “Londyn, wait a minute.” He didn’t need a psychology degree to know she was having some sort of PTSD episode and he wondered if she had ever gone to counseling herself. “We don’t have to talk about this anymore tonight.”
“We aren’t going to talk about it ever.” Her face went blank. She had effectively shut him out.
Not knowing what else to do and afraid his staying would make it worse, he did as she asked. As soon as she closed the door, he heard her gut-wrenching sobs. He lifted his hand to knock, but instead placed his palm against it, the pieces of his heart shattering, and he had no idea what to do. Braxton’s steps were heavy as he walked into the waiting elevator car and rode down to the bottom floor.
When the doors opened, he started for the exit. Halfway through the lobby he froze. Everything came back to him in a rush.You can strip for me next time,he’d said that first time they’d made love, and she’d hesitated briefly.I’m working on it, she’d told him during their conversation during lunch at the deli when he asked if she’d been able to help her client.Shewas the woman, the reason she’d specialized in treating people with sex and pornography addictions. It all made sense now—the moments of vulnerability, the sadness.
Braxton spun around and took determined strides back to the elevator. He wasn’t leaving her. Not now. Not ever.
Chapter 11
As soon as the door closed, Londyn collapsed on the floor next to it and sobbed.I thought it was over. I thought I was okay.Seeing Antoine and hearing him spew those ugly words had ripped the scab off the wound she had desperately been trying to heal. She thought she had, but now Braxton would never see her the same again. And that he’d confessed to watching pornography had made it worse. What if he became like Antoine—demanding that they view the movies before sex and re-enacting the scenes, no matter how demeaning they were for her? She couldn’t put herself through that again. Londyn wanted to believe that Braxton wouldn’t change, that he loved her, but her mind was so jumbled.
She brought her knees up to her chest and dropped her head, the tears she had held back for two years coming in waves like a broken dam. She didn’t know how long she had been on the floor when the pounding on her door startled her.
“Londyn, open the door, baby. I’m not leaving you.”
“Go away, Braxton.”
“No. And unless you want your neighbors, the police and everybody else who’s going to show up because of all this noise to know what’s going on, I suggest you unlock the door.”
Londyn knew he was right. It wouldn’t take much for the people in the building to call the police. Management frowned on any type of disturbance. Reluctantly, she reached up and unlocked the door, but made no attempt to get up.
Braxton came in, closed the door behind him and joined her on the floor. “I love you Londyn, and I’m not walking away from us. I’ve waited too long to find you to just give up.” He grasped her hand and kissed the back. “You asked me if I’ve ever watched pornography and I answered truthfully. But that was more than a decade and a half ago and I haven’t even thought about it since then. When you described the addiction to me, I admit that it made me think about some things.” He paused briefly, as if getting his thoughts together. “I remember never finding fulfilment in my sexual encounters and I wondered if I had subconsciously been looking for that same kind of excitement. I realize now that it was never the women, it was me.”
Londyn went still. He must have felt it because he gave her hand a gentle squeeze and placed a soft kiss on her temple.
He shifted to face her. “I wasn’t addicted by any part of the definition and I haveneverasked a woman to do any of those things you described. I don’t plan to start. You have given me more pleasure than I thought possible and I don’t need any other outside stimulation. Just you. I can’t undo all the things he did to you, but I can love you. If you want us to go talk to someone, I’m down. If you want it to be just you, I’m down for that, too. I promise to take you there and wait, so you’ll know that you’re not alone. That you’re loved, cherished and supported. I’ll do all of it for you.”
A tear slid down her cheek. This man had just bared his soul to her and promised to be there for whatever she needed, including counseling and he wasn’t even the cause of her problems. She could do no less. Gathering herself, Londyn haltingly and painstakingly shared how her relationship changed with Antoine after they became engaged, from his initial insistence that they watch pornography together to demanding she “perform” like the actresses on the screen. “I suggested he go to counseling, but he told me he didn’t have a problem and promised it wouldn’t happen again, that he’d stop watching porn. But he didn’t.” She found out he’d been missing work, and every time they were together after that point, he had his phone out searching online for porn sites. His false vow had barely lasted a week. “He asked me to stop by his place because he said he had a special surprise for me and…” Her voice faltered.
Braxton lifted her onto his lap and wrapped his arms around her. “It’s okay, baby. I will never let him hurt you again.”
Drawing strength from Braxton’s protective embrace, she continued, “As soon as he opened the door, he grabbed me and said he wanted us to have rough sex. I told him no, told him we were done, and started to leave, but he wouldn’t let me. He ripped my blouse and tried to force himself on me, saying if I’d loosen up, then he wouldn’t have to watch porn, but I kept fighting.” Her stomach started churning just as it did on that day. “Then…then a woman I had never seen came from his bedroom, naked, and said to let me go, that a threesome is only good when everybody’s into it. That’s when I threw his ring at him and ran out.” Braxton’s arms tightened around her. “Ow, you’re squeezing me.”
“I’m sorry. Why didn’t you report it to the police?”
