Page 15 of Do Me
Shawn stood and everyone followed suit. He shook Braxton’s hand and gestured for Gayle to follow him.
Their departure left Braxton and Londyn alone. She seemed nervous, unsure. “What time is your lunch?”
“I usually go around noon. My next patient is at one.”
“May I treat you to lunch? I saw a deli within walking distance.”
“I’d like that. Let me get my purse, and I’ll meet you out front.”
He watched the sway of her hips in the gray slacks as she passed and smiled. He followed her out and stopped to let Gayle know he was leaving.
“I’m ready.”
Braxton spun around at the sound of Londyn’s voice. She had donned a jacket to ward off the cool temperatures. He held the door open for her and they started up the block. He entwined their hands. “Are you okay?”
Londyn smiled a little. “Yeah. It’s crazy, but I feel like a teen sneaking out with the boy I like, instead of a thirty-six-year-old woman.” She shook her head.
“If it makes you feel better, today was the first time I’ve ever wanted to kiss a woman while I was supposed to be working.” They shared a look and burst out laughing, easing the tension. “You look much younger than thirty-six.”
“That comment will get you your own pan of brownies.”
He kissed the back of her hand. “If I said you look a decade younger, would that get me two pans?”
She rolled her eyes and smiled. “No, because I know I don’t lookthatyoung. Since we’re talking ages, how old are you?”
“Almost forty.”
She squinted her eyes.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t see any gray hairs, so you can’t be that old,” she said, trying to suppress a giggle.
Braxton stopped walking. “Are you calling meold?”
“No way. And if I were, I’d say itaftermy belly was full.”
Laughing, he hugged her and dropped a kiss on her hair. “Come on.” They found the shop fairly crowded. “Why don’t you find us a table while I order.”
“Okay.” Londyn told him what she wanted, then hurried over to snag a table that had been just vacated.
A few minutes later, he placed the tray holding their meal on the table and slid into the chair across from her. They ate in silence for a while, then he decided to ask the question that had been bugging him since he saw a brochure listing her specialties. “I see you provide treatment in a variety of areas and I was curious about something. How did you decide on pornography addiction, and when did that become a diagnosis?” During his college years, he’d watched it, but never thought of it as an issue.
“It’s not recognized as an official diagnosis by the American Psychiatric Association, but the research suggests that behavioral addictions are serious and pornography is no exception. Just because someone indulges in watching it every now and then doesn’t make it an issue. It’s when the amount of time that person spends watching it keeps growing and they’re on pornography sites for hours on end, and he or she starts neglecting their other responsibilities.” She picked up a stray piece of tomato and ate it. “It can start from something as simple as being bored or because they’re depressed, lonely.”
Braxton frowned. “I never thought of it that way.”
“Most people don’t. Home life is affected, as well, especially when the person insists that the romantic or sexual partner view the porn and or acts out the fantasies even though that person may not want to do so. Or when it gets to the point where the person needs to view porn in order to enjoy sex.”
He froze. His brain went into overdrive. He thought back to the years that he’d indulged. It started with a couple of his buddies renting the movies on weekends as a way to unwind, then for about four years, Braxton had watched them on his own when he had nothing to do. At the time, his relationships hadn’t lasted past the three-month mark. And the sex… It had never been fulfilling. His heart started pounding. Was his lack of fulfilment somehow tied to a subconscious fantasy he’d expected the women he’d had sex with to live up to and when they didn’t, he walked away? Even when he had stopped watching it and thinking about it, he couldn’t put his finger on why his liaisons were short-lived. A sense of sadness and shame washed over him. He prided himself on treating women with respect and he would never knowingly hurt a woman in that way. Even though he had never asked any of them to “perform” any acts, or brought the subject up, parts of him wanted to find those women and apologize. Braxton pushed his sandwich aside, his appetite now gone. A touch on his hand drew him out of his musings.
“Are you okay? I’m sorry if I’m boring you. I tend to get a little passionate on the subject,” Londyn said with a rueful smile.
“I’m fine. Just thinking about what you’re saying, and you should be passionate about your work. You never did say why you chose to specialize in this area.”
She hesitated briefly. “Someone I knew was in a relationship with a man who had a pornography addiction. He forced her to watch it, then wanted her to reenact the scene and berated her for notperformingit right. I wanted to help her.”
Braxton reached for her hand. “And did you?”
