Page 77 of For One Moment With You
‘I’m fine now.’ I don’t want to share the details with him. Going to the fridge, I take out the bottle of white. It’s a wine I used to love. After pouring two glasses, I take them over to the table. I pass one to Gareth and sit opposite him. ‘How’s Olivia?’ She’s the elephant in the room – and she probably is quite elephantine by now.
‘Really well. The baby is due next month.’
‘How does it feel?’ I’m curious. ‘Getting ready to be a dad again, when you’re used to the boys being grown up?’
‘All right, I think.’ He pauses, a frown crossing his face. ‘It’s made me realise how badly I behaved – when I found out you were pregnant. And I’d quite like to do things differently this time around.’
This is when my mouth, quite literally, drops open. It isn’t exactly news to me – I mean, Gareth did behave atrociously. But as revelations go, to hear him actually say that is quite a shocker. ‘You did.’ I’m oddly calm. ‘We were too young, looking back. But d’you know what the worst thing is?’ I pause. ‘We never got over it, did we? We let it set the tone for the rest of our marriage.’ And that’s the saddest truth. ‘That’s what I regret. Not having the boys, though… They’re the best thing by miles I’ve ever had in my life.’
‘Mine, too,’ he says. ‘I was an arse, wasn’t I?’
‘You were,’ I say. ‘But you can’t just blame yourself. I let it go on, building up my resentments, when it would have been much more grown up to talk about it.’ I shake my head. ‘Half the trouble was, it was engrained in me from the start that divorce was strictly no-go. Mad, isn’t it?’
He manages a smile. ‘When you put it like that…’ He looks at me slightly awkwardly. ‘Tilly? I do still love you. If you wanted to?—’
‘Gareth.’ I cut him off. Who does he think he is, saying this now, after everything he’s done; when he has a baby on the way – with Olivia. ‘I think we both know you and I have had our day.’
‘Do you mean that? I know how it seems, but?—’
I interrupt him. ‘I’m really not sure you do.’ I shake my head. ‘You’re having a baby, for Christ’s sake. What would Olivia think if she knew you were sitting here having a glass of wine with me, and you’d just told me you loved me?’ I can’t believe I’m taking Olivia’s side.
‘Sorry.’ Sitting back in his chair, he sighs. ‘Since you went away, I’ve been back here a few times. I’ve sorted most of our stuff – I guessed you’d taken what you wanted to keep. But all I could think about were the times we’ve sat around this table over the years – us and the boys. When your mum was still with us. And Lizzie, of course…’
I gaze at the man I spent so much of my life with; wonderwhyI did. ‘From where we are now, is there any point in being anything else?’ But there are still too many elephants in the room, in my life and we still haven’t mentioned the last of them. ‘Do you still want to buy the house?’
‘I did.’ He puts down his glass. ‘But I’m not so sure now. On a purely financial level, it would make sense.’
‘Only to you,’ I remind him. ‘You were trying to rip me off.’
‘I’m really sorry.’ He looks mortified. ‘But it would never have worked. This was our house, Tilly. I’m not sure I want to live here with anyone else. Anyway, Olivia thinks…’
Ah, here we go. Just as I’m starting to think there’s a shred of decency in him, I find out the real reason for Gareth’s change of heart.
‘…She thinks it might be nice to move nearer her parents. They live in Oxford. They’ve given her some money.’
‘I see.’ So there it is. History repeating itself. Lucky old Gareth benefitting from wealthy in-laws, all over again. But then I stop myself.Don’t be so bitter and twisted, Tilly. It isn’t like you want him any more.‘Sounds as though you’ve fallen on your feet.’
‘You think?’ Totally oblivious to the hint of sarcasm in my voice, he goes on. ‘Her place is on the market and once it’s sold, when you and I sell this house too…’ He tails off. ‘You probably don’t need all the details.’ He looks at me. ‘So what about you? What are you going to do?’
‘I haven’t decided,’ I say cautiously. ‘I’ll probably stay here till the house is sold – and I think we should get on with that as soon as possible. But afterwards… I’ll probably go away.’
‘For good?’ Gareth sounds surprised.
I haven’t consciously thought about it – until now. But living in England doesn’t excite me any more. Whereas Europe, maybe Greece… Mulling the thought in my head, I like how it feels. ‘Quite possibly.’ Finishing my wine, I put my glass down. ‘Won’t Olivia be wondering where you are?’
‘Yes. Shit.’ He leaps to his feet. ‘I should get going.’ He looks at me. ‘I’ll speak to the estate agent tomorrow. Hopefully, we can get things moving, now that Christmas is out of the way.’ He heads for the door.
‘That would be great.’ I watch him open it. ‘Thanks for the wine.’ Suddenly I remember. ‘And the flowers.’
‘You’re welcome.’ Then he looks confused for a moment. ‘The flowers weren’t from me, though. They were on the doorstep when I got here.’
As Gareth walks out to his car, I lock the door, then go over to the flowers. Stuck on the outside is a small brown envelope. Curious, I open it.
Dear Tilly, welcome home! I hope you find what you’re looking for.
Love Adam xx
Well. I haven’t even given him my address; he must have asked one of the boys. But who else would send me flowers? A warm feeling fills me as I search the almost empty cupboards – Gareth has done what he said and cleared most of our stuff. But I find what I’m looking for. A big old chunky glass vase that was Mum’s. The flowers remind me of Greece – in shades of clear blue, with sweet-scented golden mimosa and leaves I recognise as olive twigs.
