Page 75 of For One Moment With You
‘I am now. But El, I had my moments of panic in the hospital. I could hear and I could think. But I couldn’t move. More than once, I wasn’t sure I was going to make it.’ I hesitate. ‘El? I saw Lizzie.’
Elena looks shocked. ‘What do you mean? You saw her?’
‘She was with me.’ My eyes are filled with tears. ‘She’s still there. She told me it wasn’t my time.’
‘Thank goodness for that,’ my friend says. Then she changes the subject. ‘While he isn’t here, I want to know all about Adam…’
‘Well…’ A smile crept across my face. ‘The thing about us, is the timing has always been out…’
* * *
Even now, though, I’m not sure this is the right time. Adam is friendly, caring, concerned. But I sense a distance. And for my part I can’t help wondering if he’s looking after me as a good friend would.
‘It’s so nice of you, to let me stay here,’ I say to him one morning.
He looks surprised. ‘I wouldn’t have it any other way.’
‘Are we…’ I hesitate. ‘I suppose, I’m wondering about us.’ I break off, gazing at him. ‘I mean, I know I’m still recovering, but I really am happy to be with you.’
‘Me too,’ he says softly. Coming over, he strokes my hair back. ‘You need to heal, Tilly. We don’t have to rush anything. Just let me take care of you.’
Emotion sweeps over me. No one’s ever said anything like that to me before. Christmas comes and the boys fly out for a few days – Adam’s apartment is more than big enough. We spend a wonderful Christmas Day at Nicos’s bar, drinking his finest wine and eating delicious food at a table overlooking the harbour.
It’s time that’s precious, but after they leave again, I can’t shake off the cloud that hangs over me. There’s the house in England still to be sold. Added to that, I don’t know when Adam has to go back to work; I’ve no idea how long any of this will last.
That evening, I take my courage in both hands and confront him. ‘You’ve been so kind. And this time together has been so…’ My eyes are suddenly filled with tears. ‘It’s been so many things. But I really should think about leaving,’ I say gently.
He looks startled. ‘I had a feeling there was something on your mind. But I wasn’t expecting that.’
I sigh. ‘The thing is, this is your life. I still have a house to sort out in England. And I suppose I should meet up with Gareth and at least talk to him.’ And the truth is, I’m not sure what my next step is.
‘I know you have a lot that’s unresolved. But then what?’ Adam watches me. ‘When the house is sold, what are your plans?’
‘I haven’t got any,’ I say.I’ve been a little preoccupied, remember?‘I suppose I was thinking about buying somewhere small that could still be a home for the boys, when they need it. I haven’t really thought much further than that. I know I have to, but until now, I haven’t been ready.’ I pause. ‘What about you? Don’t you have somewhere to be?’
‘At some point.’ He’s silent for a moment. ‘You know those times, when you find yourself at a crossroads?’
‘Only too well.’ My words are heartfelt. ‘Is that where you are?’
‘You could say.’ He clasps his hands together. ‘I’m due to go back to London with my current job. But I’ve been offered another – back in San Jose, believe it or not. I could do a year, then come back and carry on working as a travel writer. Maybe base myself here, even.’
‘Wow.’ I stare at him. ‘Those are awesome choices.’
‘They are. Believe me, I know that.’ He turns towards the window. ‘But it isn’t helping.’
I can’t help wondering if in some way, I’m complicating things for him. ‘I should go, shouldn’t I?’ Staying here isn’t helping either of us. ‘I’ll book a flight in the next few days.’
‘That quickly?’ He doesn’t meet my eyes. ‘Where to?’
I shrug. ‘I guess England. I can stay at my old house for now. I’m sure I would have heard from Gareth if it had been sold.’ Or if anyone had offered close to the asking price. Or maybe Gareth still plans to browbeat me into selling to him. My heart sinks at the thought of what I’m going back to. But I have to face the music at some point.
‘Are you up to it?’ For a moment, he looks anxious. ‘It’s quite a trip to make so soon after surgery.’
‘I’ll be fine. I’ll take it slowly. I can ask for help if I need it.’ I think how pleased Elena will be to see me.
‘You promise you will?’ Adam says.
Nodding, already I’m imagining going on one of my nostalgic walks to Selham railway station. Except that oddly, it doesn’t have the same appeal. ‘I need to go,’ I say to him. ‘It feels like there are boxes to tick before I’ll be properly free.’
