Page 53 of For One Moment With You
I studied the face I knew so well, realising that after all these years we’d spent together, I barely knew the man behind it. ‘I don’t think that’s a conversation for today.’ I swallowed the lump in my throat. Even now, I struggled with the thought of divorcing him.
I’ll never know if Mum overheard us talking. Or whether her mother’s radar kicked in one last time. But the day after Lizzie’s wedding, I had a call from my dad.
‘It’s your mother, Tilly. She wants to see you.’
There was a gravity in the way he spoke and a sense of alarm filled me. Why hadn’t she called me herself? ‘Is she OK? I’ll come over now.’ As I spoke, I was already picking up my bag, then searching for my car keys.
‘No rush,’ he said. ‘But I think it would be good if it was today.’
His words sent a chill through me. I ended the call and scribbled a note to the still-sleeping boys. Then closing the back door, went out to my car. It was another scorcher of a summer’s day, the trees clad in the deep, dark green of summer leaves, the roadsides dusty. Things I barely noticed as I drove. I knew Mum was sick. That she was dying. But I wasn’t ready.
But is anyone ever ready to lose a loved one? I turned into my parents’ drive, my heart in my mouth as I went inside, already expecting the worst, to my surprise finding my mum sitting in a chair in the kitchen.
‘Tilly.’ She smiled. ‘Thank you for coming.’
‘I was coming over anyway.’ I went over and leant down to kiss her cheek, then pulled up a chair next to her. ‘How are you, Mum?’
‘I’m OK.’ Her eyes were distant. ‘But I don’t want to talk about me.’ She paused. ‘It’s you I’m worried about.’
‘There’s no need.’ I gazed through the sliding doors that were open onto the garden. ‘I’m fine.’
‘Oh Tilly…’ She sounded wistful. ‘I wasn’t going to say anything, but I know if I don’t, I’ll regret it. Apparently, it’s best not to die with regrets, or so I’m told.’ For a moment, she sounded more like my old mum, before she was sick. ‘It isn’t anything new. I’ve been noticing for some time. And forgive me, for not saying anything before, but…’
Going on, she told me how she’d noticed the distance between me and Gareth. How he seemed to be emotionally switched off; how she’d always had the feeling something was missing between us.
I listened. I thought about lying. Then I thought how the knowledge that her life was coming to an end had only served to sharpen her focus. So, in the end, I did what felt right. I was honest with her. ‘You’re right. About everything, Mum.’ I felt a weight come off me. Then I told her about meeting Adam – OK, so leaving out the part about the afternoon we’d spent together.
She was silent for a moment. ‘I wasn’t expecting that.’
‘You mustn’t worry,’ I said hastily. ‘It was a long time ago and I’m fine with it all. Really.’
Shock washed across her face. ‘I remember him. He was the man who sent a bottle of champagne to our table – on your hen night.’
I nodded. ‘That was him. That was the first time I met him. Do you remember what you said?’ I watched her face.
A look of realisation dawned in her eyes. ‘It was about weddings bringing out the best in people, wasn’t it?’
I nodded. ‘Mum? Can you keep this just between us?’
‘If you mean “can I not tell your father?”, of course I won’t.’ She frowned. ‘Does Lizzie know?’
‘Yes.’ I sighed. ‘She’s never liked Gareth – did you know that?’
My mum’s eyes widened. ‘I had no idea. I have to ask, though. What made you go ahead with the wedding?’
‘I thought about calling it off,’ I said slowly. ‘But in the end, I suppose it felt like the right thing. I thought Gareth and I would be good together.’
My mum made aharumphkind of sound.
‘Anyway,’ I went on. ‘Who leaves their fiancé for a man they’ve known less than a week?’
‘I suppose that would depend on the man.’ She looked at me sadly. ‘So many secrets, Tilly… I’ve always liked to think that we could be open with each other.’
‘Sorry, Mum.’ Guilt flooded over me. ‘But I was struggling, to be honest. At the time, it was easier not to talk about it.’
‘Well, I’m jolly glad you have told me. Just imagine, me going to my grave not knowingthat.’
I looked at her, startled. ‘You’re not going anywhere just yet, Mum.’
