Page 49 of For One Moment With You
I was speechless, but not for long. ‘Don’t you think that depends on your definition of love?’ I said heatedly, not at all sure why I didn’t chuck him out and tell him to never come back. ‘From where I am, if you loved me, you wouldn’t have done this.’ I sighed. ‘You can’t expect it to always be a bed of roses. Love is different things at different times in life. Lust doesn’t last.’ He needed to be reminded of these things, particularly at this point.
‘Don’t start on about storms again.’ A look of guilt crossed his face. Yes, actual guilt, which for Gareth was a first.
I was in the grip of an odd sense of calm. ‘So what do we do now?’
He sighed. ‘I really don’t know.’
‘In that case, I’ll make it easy for you.’ I was remarkably civil. ‘Either you stop seeing her, or you move out. You can’t have both of us.’
‘What about the boys?’
Right on cue, the kitchen door was flung open and Robbie came in. ‘Mum? Is there any cake?’
‘Sure, darling. In the tin. I made one earlier.’
As if Robbie needed instructions when he could sniff out a cake from a mile away. Boys were like that – born with a kind of food-radar. ‘Cool.’ Looking pleased, he was already snuffling it out like a truffle pig. After opening the tin and cutting two wedges, he took them back to Alex.
Left alone, Gareth glanced at me. ‘I suppose I should move out.’
My stomach turned over. ‘If that’s what you want.’ My husband was leaving me and all I could do was agree with him – it was hardly the response of someone who loved him with all her heart.
‘It’s that simple?’
I shrugged. ‘Apart from the boys.’ As I thought about our boys, a rush of emotion hit me. ‘It isn’t me I’m worried about,’ I said. ‘It’s them. How do we tell them?’
‘Jesus.’ Gareth rested his head in his hands.
* * *
Of course, it was left to me. And of course, in order to protect the boys, I found myself lying by omission, protecting Gareth, knowing it would be easier to break the news once they’d got used to him being gone.
‘Your dad’s been offered a promotion. It means taking a job in another department. He’s going to be away for a bit.’
‘Wow. That’s amazing.’ Robbie looked in awe.
‘It’ll be odd without him here. But we’ll be fine, Mum,’ Alex said a little anxiously.
Did I say we wouldn’t? ‘Of course we’ll be fine.’ Hating that I was lying to them, I filled the kettle and switched it on. ‘Who’s for a cup of tea?’
I know what most people would say.Why not just tell the boys the truth about their arsehole of a father? Surely you won’t consider him coming back – not after this?
* * *
Elena was uncompromising. ‘This has to be it, Tilly. You really don’t deserve this.’
‘The trouble is…’ But I couldn’t find the words. In the end, I sighed. ‘You know what? You’re right. I’ve had enough, El.’
‘Thank God,’ she said quietly. ‘You need to find yourself a good divorce lawyer.’
‘What about the house? It’s the boys’ home.’ My voice wobbled.
‘That’s why you need to find a lawyer. You should stay in that house, and bloody Gareth should pay for it. That’s my opinion, anyway.’
I wasn’t sure it worked like that, but I needed to find out. That afternoon, I managed to find a lawyer who had a last-minute appointment available. It wasn’t pleasant, unpicking the threads of a marriage, however rotten it was.
After, I didn’t want to go home. The boys were at a friend’s house – in any case, I needed time to think. Stopping at a café, I sat at an outside table and ordered a glass of wine, my mind all over the place as I waited.
‘Tilly?’
