Page 41 of For One Moment With You
But if things were bad between us, a month later, they were about to get a whole lot worse.
‘Twins?’ He looked utterly stupefied. ‘Are you sure?’
‘Yes.’ Knowing this would only multiply his misgivings, my stomach churned nervously as I watched his face. ‘I had a scan this afternoon.’ Not wanting his negativity to ruin the occasion, I’d gone alone. ‘We’re having twins.’
‘Jesus.’ He stared at me disbelievingly. ‘Have you even thought about how we’re going to afford this?’
We would manage, of that I was in no doubt. People did – and yes, the flat was small. But babies didn’t need a lot of room. Not at first, at least.
With some trepidation, I broke the news to my parents, who, of course, were over the moon. Somehow they remained oblivious to Gareth’s feelings. But I guess it wouldn’t have occurred to them that he would be anything other than delighted.
It was Lizzie, however, who got it out of me that things were far from right. ‘What do you mean, he doesn’twantkids?’ she demanded. ‘Bit fricking late, wouldn’t you say?’
‘He didn’t tell me until after I was already pregnant,’ I said miserably. ‘Now, he’s acting like it’s some kind of immaculate conception that was nothing to do with him.’
‘He’s a fucking arse.’ Lizzie looked furious. ‘He doesn’t deserve you, Tills. He really doesn’t.’ She paused. ‘You know what you should do, don’t you?’ Her eyes were resolute. ‘Leave him and come and live with me.’
‘You’re the best.’ There was a lump in my throat. ‘But your flat is smaller than ours. And I can’t divorce him – we’ve been married four months. It’s no time.’
‘The sooner the better, I say.’ She looked at me. ‘Have you talked to Mum about this?’
I shook my head. ‘I can’t, Lizzie. Can you imagine what it would do to her? No. I have to find a way through this.’
She came over and put her arms around me. ‘If you change your mind, I’m here. I’ll always be here.’
Until the end, Lizzie was always there for me. Since, of course, I’ve had to get on without her. But back then, neither of us could have imagined a time she wouldn’t be here. In my mind, I’d pictured her as an adoring aunt, lavishing love on her nieces or nephews, watching them grow up. To the boys, she’d been all of those things.
Once or twice around that time, I went for a walk, half hoping I’d bump into Adam. I knew that with my pregnancy obvious, it would draw a clear line under whatever it was that existed between us. But fate clearly had its own plan and I never saw him.
* * *
I had no way of knowing that once the news of my pregnancy with the twins broke, my parents would provide a solution to our financial concerns. Unusually, my father was alone when he came around to our flat.
‘I was hoping to have a word – with both of you.’
‘Gareth’s not back yet, Dad.’ I couldn’t bring myself to tell him that these days, when he wasn’t working, Gareth was usually to be found in the pub.
‘In that case, perhaps you’ll tell him I wanted to give you this.’ Reaching into his pocket, he took out something and passed it to me.
I took it from him, realising it was a cheque for a large sum of money. Large enough for a deposit on a house. I stared at it. ‘You can’t do this, Dad.’
‘It will all be yours and Lizzie’s one day. Your mother and I thought, what with you having twins, it might come in useful now. This flat is jolly nice, but you’re going to need a little more space.’ He stopped. ‘Hey, there’s no need to cry.’ He frowned. ‘Is everything OK?’
I couldn’t stop the tears pouring down my cheeks. There was no way Gareth deserved my parents’ generosity, but I couldn’t tell my dad that. Instead, I was thinking of the difference this would make, not just to us, but to the twins. ‘It’s just pregnancy hormones.’ Wiping my face, I looked at him. ‘Thank you, Dad. This is so generous of you both. You’re right about this flat – it’s way too small. I can’t tell you what a difference this will make.’
‘It was always going to be your money,’ he said. ‘Your mother and I thought it made sense for you to have it now.’
‘Thank you.’ I hugged him.
I was conflicted; didn’t want money to be the sole reason for Gareth to stop acting like an arse. When I showed him the cheque, he was silent. He knew he’d upset me. He muttered a few words of gratitude, but even knowing we could now afford a family-sized house, he couldn’t bring himself to apologise.
It should have been the time of our lives – searching for our dream home, knowing that the arrival of the twins in a few months would make our family complete. But after an initial truce, Gareth continued to act like a sulky child. Meanwhile, wanting our children to grow up with both their parents, I was the classic enabler, continuing to make allowances for him.
Now, it seems insane. But if I could go back… Was it worth it? If I’d known how the future would work out, would I have stayed?Sliding Doorshad never felt so relevant as I pictured the choices I had back then: staying with Gareth, or life without him.
Determined we’d stay together, I continued to look for houses – with my dad’s generous cheque and our combined salaries, we could afford a home with enough space for our family to grow into. I eventually found the perfect place, Gareth reluctantly agreeing that it ticked all the boxes. But even after our offer was accepted, he remained distant.
And so we moved into what was to become our family home, the house the boys grew up in. The one that much later on, I didn’t know that Gareth would want to take over with the woman he left me for.
