Page 39 of For One Moment With You
She sighed. ‘I suppose I see a lot of me in you. You’re a giver.’ She smiled. ‘Just make sure that lovely man of yours doesn’t take you for granted.’
So my motherdidhave doubts. My heart was starting to race as I realised, that it was still possible not to go ahead. But my courage failed me. ‘He does – sometimes. But no one’s perfect. And we’re good, Mum. Honestly we are.’
She rested a hand on my arm. ‘Don’t let him, Tilly. Marriage has to work for both of you. Never forget that.’ She was silent for a moment. She glanced at her watch again. ‘Goodness! Look at the time! I should be going.’
‘You should. See you there, Mum.’ I watched her walk towards the door. Then as she opened it and pulled it shut behind her, it was a defining moment, as though she was closing the door on my childhood.
Panic welled up inside me. Then the door opened again and Lizzie came in. My beautiful, vibrant sister, who had yet to meet Rick; who had no idea her life would be cut short, years, decades earlier than it should have been.
Her face lit up. ‘Wow, Tills. You look stunning.’
‘Thanks.’ I had to admit that for once, in spite of the turmoil I was feeling, I was kind of liking how I looked. I glanced at my sister, in a dusky pink dress that showed off her tan. ‘So do you.’
‘When you said my dress was pink, I was horrified,’ my sister said. ‘But you know, I really like it.’ Her eyes glanced towards the bed. ‘Are those our flowers?’ Going over she carefully picked up the two bouquets that had been delivered earlier, my artfully imperfectly shaped posy of pale, scented roses, her smaller one. Coming over, she passed me mine and stood next to me.
Side by side, we gazed at our reflections. ‘Thanks for being my bridesmaid,’ I said.
‘I was hardly going to let you ask anyone else. Especially not Jasmine.’
‘It had to be you,’ I said honestly. ‘We both know Jasmine would have loved to upstage me.’
‘She would.’ Lizzie was silent for a moment. ‘Remember when we were little? I remember us running riot and fighting all the time. We used to drive Mum mad, didn’t we?’ A smile played on her lips. ‘Seems such a long time ago, doesn’t it?’
‘It does.’ Yet in the weirdest sense, our childhood felt like yesterday. A wave of nostalgia washed over me for those days. But so many years had passed, and so many more would follow, filled with things neither of us could have imagined yet.
‘Tilly?’ She hesitated. ‘You are sure you’re OK?’
I couldn’t believe this. Or could Lizzie and Mum see what I was blind to? ‘Mum just asked me the same.’
‘She did?’ Lizzie’s eyes widened. ‘What did you say?’
‘The same as I’m saying to you. Iamsure! I think you need to stop asking me.’ Saying it as brightly as I could.
‘OK, I’ll stop!’ There was relief in Lizzie’s eyes. ‘I was guessing you must be, or you wouldn’t be doing this. Talking of Mum…’ She glanced at the clock on the chest of drawers that I’d had since I was eight. ‘I’d better go and find her. She’s been going on about not being late.’ She paused, smiling as she looked at me. ‘You deserve the best day, Tills. And the best life. Don’t forget that, will you? Not ever?’
‘I won’t.’ I turned away to hide the tears in my eyes as, trying not to squash my dress, I hugged her.
* * *
And so I relive what really wasthebest day, one in which my mother’s carefully orchestrated plans ran completely seamlessly; one in which as my father walked me down the aisle, I banished all thoughts of Adam. It was the beginning of a brand-new chapter, the most exciting one of my life so far. With the man I loved to share it with, come rain or shine, to weather the storms that would come our way – to use Mum’s words, because that’s just life. We loved each other – or so I was thinking, as I searched for what I’d always seen as love in Gareth’s eyes.
Only this time, I notice he doesn’t reallyseeme, that he’s distracted; that his eyes flit around our guests, rest on Lizzie just a tad too long. I feel a wave of shock. Did Gareth fancy my little sister? Is that what she’d wanted to tell me just before she died?
There’s another thing about that day. You see, at that point, I didn’t know. Nor did Gareth. After our glorious week in Malta, a week that was everything a honeymoon should have been, we came back sun-kissed and happy, never expecting something truly wonderous, and also a little bit scary, was waiting in the wings to rock our worlds.
11
Waiting for the Miracle
When it comes to children, there are those who want them desperately yet for some reason, are unable to have them. While others, it seems, fall pregnant at the drop of a hat. Of course, there are all kinds of scenarios in between. But for some reason, I fell into the latter category, though in many ways it might have been easier if I hadn’t. But such was the way my life was destined to unfold.
* * *
‘How?’ Two months had passed since our wedding; in a white shirt that showed off his fading tan, Gareth looked bewildered.
‘I guess the usual way.’ I shrugged. ‘I can’t think how else it could have happened.’ I was making a joke of something that was anything but humorous; that was the biggest thing to happen in my life. Thinking of the conversation we’d had not so long ago, I was also worried. But in a sense it felt like a kind of validation, that marrying Gareth had been the right thing to do, because now, we were going to be a family.
The colour bleached from his tan. ‘But you can’t be.’
