Page 26 of For One Moment With You
‘It’s a shit feeling.’ I felt my stomach clench. Then I looked at her. ‘You know, you’re right. It’s exactly what I need to do. Tell him I’m putting the house on the market. Let’s see how he likes that,’ I said triumphantly.
Elena looked alarmed. ‘I wasn’t meaning selling the house, Tilly. At least, not yet. I was meaning in smaller ways – like planning your next steps.’ She paused. ‘I mean, you’re free, aren’t you? Or at least, you will be?’
Free.I played the word back in my head. ‘You know, I keep getting these flashes of the old me. I’m not talking about sad, boring Tilly?—’
‘Stop,’ Elena interrupted. ‘Do not ever call yourself that ever again.’ Her eyes were flashing. ‘You are one of the most wonderful women I know.’
‘Who, me?’ I stared at her. ‘You’re drunk, Els.’
‘I’m not fricking drunk.’ She looked at me. ‘You really don’t see it, do you?’ When I didn’t respond, she went on. ‘Obviously you don’t. You’ve completely lost sight of gorgeous, funny Tilly who makes everyone laugh, who’s the person everyone goes to because they love you so much. And because they feel safe with you. And because as well as funny, you have this gentle, empathic wisdom.’
It was my turn to interrupt. ‘If I’m so wise, then answer me this. Why am I making such a mess of this?’
‘You haven’t,’ Elena said gently. ‘This was Gareth’s doing. You’re feeling your way through. But one day, my friend, you’re going to be fine.’
* * *
One bottle turned into two and I lost track of what happened after that. Elena insisted I spent the night in her spare room and I crawled home the next morning with the mother of all hangovers.
Pondering what she’d said, hangover aside, I actually wasn’t feeling too bad – or maybe the booze was still circulating. But when I got home and went inside, I felt my mood plummet.
I was stupid to imagine I could put a positive spin on my marriage breaking up. And it was Sod’s Law, wasn’t it, that when things were shitty, they generally seemed to get worse? Hunched on the sofa in my saggiest jogging bottoms, I was watching daytime TV when I heard the doorbell ring. Unable to face speaking to anyone, I ignored it. Then the next thing I heard was a key in the lock.
Imagining Gareth coming back, I quickly smoothed my hair, trying to muster an air of dignified sadness; getting the shock of my life when I heard footsteps come closer before the door opened and a stranger walked in.
A wave of fear hit me. Then I noticed he was smartly dressed in a suit and clutching a clipboard. Leaping up, I wrapped my arms around myself. ‘What the fuck are you doing in my house?’
To be fair, he did look taken aback. ‘Your house? I’ve been asked to value the property. The owner gave me a key. He said nothing about there being anyone here.’
‘He’s said nothing to me about this.’ I stared at him, my fear replaced by anger. ‘He has absolutely no bloody right. It’s my bloody house, too.’ Suddenly I was seething with rage, furious with Gareth. ‘Get out.’
Holding up his hands defensively, the agent turned around and hurried back towards the door. I followed, watching as he let himself out. Locking the door and bolting it, I was outraged that Gareth could even think about doing this – let alone without talking to me – and knowing I was still living here.
I was still fuming five minutes later when my phone pinged with a text – from Gareth.
Gareth
Ignoring my messages and calls isn’t helpful, Tilly. I thought you’d be back at work. We need to put the house on the market. Let me know when is convenient and I’ll make appointments.
He was wrong. I hadn’t ignored his messages, I simply hadn’t been able to bring myself to read them yet. And it was barely a week since he moved out. No time for me to even begin to come to terms with the carnage he’d created.
Tilly
You didn’t think, but you never do, do you? That’s the whole problem. How dare you do this without mentioning it to me? In any case, there’s a process. I need to speak to a lawyer.
Angry, I pressed send.
He came back a few minutes later.
Gareth
I didn’t mean to upset you. And you’re right. I should have mentioned it. But I honestly thought you wouldn’t be there.
As if that made it OK.
Tilly
It’s irrelevant whether I’m here or not. In case you’ve forgotten, the house belongs to both of us.
