Page 14 of For One Moment With You
‘I know you did. But if it really isn’t right, it will catch up with you,’ Lizzie persisted. ‘I mean it. I know you love Gareth – and you’ve known him for such a long time. But…’ She hesitated. ‘It doesn’t necessarily make him the one.’
‘You really think there is such a thing? Because I don’t believe in all that stuff,’ I said carelessly. ‘The only reason relationships work is if you want them to. You have to make them work, Lizzie. Gareth and I will be OK because it’s what we both want.’
‘Wow.’ Lizzie stared at me disbelievingly. ‘Don’t take this the wrong way, but now I’m really worried.’
‘There’s no point.’ There was a lump in my throat as I gazed at my sister. ‘The wedding is going ahead.’
A voice came from outside. ‘Cooee!’
‘Mum,’ Lizzie said under her breath as our eyes met. ‘You’re off the hook – for now. But we have not finished talking about this,’ she added warningly.
‘Oh girls.’ My mum looked overwhelmed with happiness. ‘Isn’t this just wonderful? Did you see the roses? Now, I’ve been thinking about…’
As she went on telling us what she thought we should do today, and what would have to wait until nearer the time, I caught Lizzie’s eye again. There was no going back – not without devastating my parents. Surely she could see that?
And that was the conundrum I’d found myself in. This glorious occasion planned to the last detail, my family around me, the man I’d loved for years waiting for me at the altar. Me, until that point, happy-go-lucky, floating through my life without so much as a care in the world – until Adam came into my life, just a few days ago.
By the end of that day, the marquee had sheer pale-pink drapes and hanging chandeliers, while some trees in pots had been delivered which Lizzie had adorned with tiny, glittering fairy lights – she had an eye for these things and I’d left it to her to decide what looked best.
Sitting on the grass, I closed my eyes for a moment, breathing in the rose-scented air and feeling the sun on my face. An image of Gareth came to me, a feeling of warmth coming over me. We met when I was seventeen and he was nineteen. Five years later, it was hard to picture life without him.
But my subconscious wasn’t making it easy for me and a memory of that dream filled my mind, of Adam. Staring into the marquee, I knew I shouldn’t, but for a moment I allowed myself to imagine us here together. That this wasourwedding. Both of us knowing how right it felt; the happiest people in the world.
‘Tilly?’ Lizzie’s voice startled me. ‘You’re miles away. Can you help? We’re trying to decide where to put the cake table.’
‘You decide.’ I knew the cake had cost the best part of a grand, but in that moment, I honestly didn’t care.
Coming out of the marquee, Lizzie fixed me with a look. ‘Tilly, this is your wedding. Get in here now, and tell me where you want the table.’
* * *
Later that afternoon, Lizzie and I walked Mum back to her car.
Reaching it, she beamed at us both. ‘You are coming for dinner, aren’t you? Your father and I thought, well, it would be nice – it might be the last time it’s just the four of us.’
‘Of course we are.’ Lizzie hugged Mum. ‘Tilly and I have one or two more things to look at. Then we’ll be with you.’
Mum glanced back towards the marquee. ‘Do you need my help?’
‘They’re tiny things, Mum.’ Lizzie winked at her. ‘Go on. Dad will be wondering where you are.’
‘Oh. Yes. Goodness.’ She got in the car, started the engine and drove away.
But as I already knew, there were no tiny things to see to. Side by side, Lizzie and I watched the car disappear. ‘You and I need to talk,’ she said quietly.
Wandering across the garden, I found a bench under some trees while Lizzie went to get us drinks from the bar. Slightly apprehensive about being under her scrutiny again, I had no idea what I was going to say to her.
Minutes later, she was back carrying two glasses of icy Chardonnay. After passing me one of them, she sat down next to me. ‘You know if I believed everything you’ve said, we wouldn’t be doing this.’ She paused. ‘What’s going on?’ She stared at me. ‘And don’t saynothing.’
I sipped the wine. ‘What it is,’ I said carefully, sticking to the story I’d told myself, ‘is I’ve met Adam twice. We get on really well. And that’s all.’
Lizzie shook her head. ‘I know you better than that. You looked different when I saw you with him. Your eyes were shining, Tills. I’ve never seen you look like that with Gareth.’
‘I’ve never felt like that with Gareth.’ The words were out before I could stop them as my guard came down. After all, there wasn’t anyone else I could talk to about this. And I so badly needed to talk about it. ‘What do I do, Lizzie? I hate myself. My wedding is in five days. Yet all I can think about is a man I met a couple of days ago.’ There was a lump in my throat as I met her eyes. ‘It’s last minute nerves, isn’t it? I mean, I love Gareth. It can’t be anything else.’ I faltered. ‘Can it?’
‘Oh Tilly…’ My sister sighed. ‘I’m not sure you’re going to want to hear this,’ she said gently. ‘But it’s like I said earlier. What if Gareth isn’t the one? What if it’s Adam? Or someone else? And this is some kind of wake-up call – before it’s too late? You’re twenty-two, Tills. You’re really young. There’s no rush to get hitched.’
‘What about all of this?’ I nodded towards the marquee, now resplendently and lovingly half decorated. ‘I can’t cancel the wedding – even if I did want to. It’s too late.’
