Page 9 of For One Moment With You
‘He’s a shit. Oh, Tilly…’ Her voice was filled with sympathy. ‘Do you want to come over?’
* * *
Elena’s hug was warm and welcoming, as was her house. It was also messy, but between family life and work, she didn’t have time to tidy. Unlike me, in the soon to be half-furnished, half-empty house that I was about to be living in, utterly alone.
‘It’s so lovely here.’ Tears trickled down my face. ‘It really is, El. You’re so lucky.’
‘It’s a pigsty.’ She looked at me as though I was mad. ‘You know perfectly well you can’t stand mess. Would you like tea? Or wine? Wine, I think.’ She made the decision for me. ‘But only one. We need to talk – and then, we need to make you a plan.’
I watched her get a couple of glasses, and then a bottle from the fridge. It’s what friends were for, wine and sympathy, even at nine in the morning. ‘What am I going to do now?’ I said pitifully; the question that was dogging me, mumbled through my tears. ‘What about the boys? And the house? I can’t afford to buy him out. I’ve only just lost Lizzie, and now I’ve lost Gareth, too.’ My voice was growing more hysterical with every word. ‘I have to tell the boys. How on earth do I do that, El? It’s their home and I’m going to lose it. I’m going to lose everything.’
My friend placed two glasses of white wine on the table, then sat down opposite me. ‘Tell me what happened.’
So I told her, about how there had been no warning. About Gareth’s business trips that he’d obviously lied about. About how I was reassessing everything I’d believed I knew about him; about us.
‘I feel like calling him and telling him exactly what I think of him,’ she said furiously. ‘I mean, does he have any idea at all how lucky he was to have you?’
‘He doesn’t want me.’ I stared at the table. There was no dressing it up; that was what it came down to.
‘He’s a dick.’ She followed it with a list of expletives.
‘El, don’t,’ I said. ‘It doesn’t help.’
‘Oh Tilly…’ She was quiet for a moment. ‘I know how shit this is,’ she said sympathetically. ‘And I know, right now, you’d give anything for things to go back to how they were.’
‘It really is shit,’ I said tearfully. ‘After all this time, I’ve never imagined I couldn’t count on us. Or he’d betray me like this.’ I stopped suddenly. ‘Maybe he’ll realise what a mistake he’s made. Maybe he just needs time.’ Hope washed over me as I looked at my friend. ‘I can’t believe I haven’t thought of this. I just have to be patient, don’t I?’
‘Tilly…’ Elena hesitated. ‘I completely get how you must be feeling. And I know you’ve had the most terrible shock, but we need to deal with the facts.’
I blinked at her. ‘I know what Gareth’s said, but we don’t actually know what he’s thinking, do we?’ My mind was all over the place. ‘Maybe it’s because he’s only just found out Olivia’s pregnant. Maybe he’s overreacting and he’ll change his mind…’
‘Hold on a moment.’ Elena stared at me. ‘Olivia’s the woman?’ When I nod, she went on. ‘She’s pregnant?’ She sounded incredulous.
I nodded miserably. ‘That’s the whole problem, isn’t it? He’ll be feeling like he has a duty to be there.’
‘Shit.’ Elena looked stunned.
‘It’s complete shit.’ I felt utterly wretched as I watched Elena take a slug of her wine.
‘I can’t believe this,’ she muttered. ‘Honestly. What is he thinking?’
‘That he doesn’t want me,’ I said self-pityingly.
‘Oh Tilly…’ Elena sighed. ‘Please don’t take this the wrong way… But doesn’t this show you what kind of man Gareth really is?’ She frowned. ‘But hang on. Didn’t you tell me that when you got pregnant, he said he never wanted kids… Why has he done it again?’
‘I don’t know,’ I say miserably. My hands are shaky as I drink a large mouthful of wine. ‘I thought we were good. I honestly thought Gareth had changed,’ I said sadly. ‘Sometimes people do – and he’s a good father.’
‘He really is not,’ my friend reminded me. ‘He’s a selfish bastard. Look at that ridiculous car he bought himself, when yours was falling apart – and you couldn’t afford for the boys to go on that school ski trip. I still remember how upset you were. And it was you who took them to uni and carted all their stuff up flights of stairs, times two, because they’re twins. Where was he those days?’ I opened my mouth to speak, but holding up one of her hands, she silenced me. ‘Gareth is all about Gareth. What’s happening now is all the proof you need. We both know he doesn’t give a hoot about anyone else.’ Elena paused. ‘He’s a moron, Tilly. Surely you can see that?’ She sounded irritated. ‘This Olivia is probably younger and more glamorous than you, because she hasn’t raised two kids or looked after a husband for twenty years,’ she said. ‘The bottom line is his ego’s out of control, not to mention his… Never mind. He’ll come crashing back to earth. I bet you anything it won’t last – not once she finds out what he’s really like. But it will be too late,’ she said sternly. ‘Because by then, you’ll have worked out you really are better off without him.’
‘But I’m not,’ I wailed self-pityingly.
Elena gave me a moment. ‘Oh Tilly… I know this has been forced on you, which really sucks. It’s horrible and hurtful – and there’s no getting around any of that. But you’re you, Tilly.’ Her eyes were filled with love. ‘You’re this wonderful, sparkly, strong person – if Gareth can’t see that, it’s his loss. Look.’ She paused. ‘You don’t need him. And I’m here for you. You’re going to be OK.’ Her eyes searched mine. ‘You do know that, don’t you?’
‘Thanks, El.’ I wanted to believe her. But it felt like my entire world was crumbling around me. ‘I’ll have to sort the house out, won’t I?’ A lump stuck in my throat.
‘At some point. When it suits you, though. Don’t be pushed around by Gareth,’ she said angrily. ‘But after…’ Her voice softened. ‘You’ll have money in the bank. You’ll be free, Tilly. You could move somewhere new – or have an adventure.’
My mouth fell open. It was too similar to what Lizzie had said, as the thought fleetingly entered my head –Could Lizzie have seen what was coming?‘I don’t want to move,’ I muttered miserably. ‘There’s my job to think about, too. If I move out, how will I find somewhere to live?’ An image came to me of a tiny house with a dingy sitting room; of mould growing up the walls, a pervading smell of damp filling the air.
