Page 61 of For One Moment With You
I shrugged. ‘It’s a good analogy, don’t you think?’
A smile twitched on Lizzie’s lips. ‘So what colour’s the hub?’
‘Beige,’ I said immediately. ‘Not cool neutral beige. We’re talking murky dingy beige – kind of unwashed looking.’
Lizzie was silent, then her shoulders started to shake – I assumed with laughter, until I saw she was crying.
‘Don’t cry, Lizzie.’ Shuffling closer from where I was still sitting on the floor, I reached up and put my arms around her.
Lizzie wiped her tears away. ‘You have no idea, do you?’
‘No.’ I was genuinely perplexed.
‘Dearest Tilly, you are not beige.’ Her eyes gazed into mine. ‘You are the loveliest, most rainbow-coloured person in the world.’
Overwhelmed, I wasn’t aware of the tears streaming down my face. Was that how Lizzie saw me? As heart-warming moments go, it was a stonker. One that shattered my heart into thousands of pieces. But as Lizzie held me in her arms and my body shook with sobs, I could already feel them start knitting themselves back together again, as I realised that this was a gift – in more ways than I knew. Glued together with Lizzie’s love, my heart was stronger.
It was just as well. Within just two weeks, Lizzie was growing weaker. Knowing time was running out, I went to see my dad.
‘I don’t think Lizzie has long,’ I said gently. ‘A few days maybe.’
He stared out through the window. ‘Has someone told you that?’
‘Dad…’ I went over and stood beside him. ‘They don’t need to. She’s really weak.’
‘I’m praying,’ he said quietly. ‘That our Lord will let her live. If she doesn’t, then we just have to accept that this is His will.’
Standing there, my head filled with all these things I wanted to say to him.Lizzie isn’t religious… God wasn’t a lot of help when Mum died… He has no right to decide if Lizzie does… I bit them back; my father’s faith was absolute. ‘I just thought you’d want to see her.’
He went that afternoon. They spent quiet hours together and I’ll never know what was said. But I was grateful at least that Lizzie found a tentative sense of peace with the ending of her life. Then by late July, my sister, soulmate, my heart, my rock, had gone, leaving this world a colder, darker place without her.
18
A good traveller has no fixed plans, and is not intent on arriving.
LAO TZU
The thing about travelling is when you start out, it’s all about the journey: the booking of tickets, the gathering of what you need to take with you, then showing up at the right time. The boarding of trains and flights – fog permitting, that is – as you navigate your way to your destination.
So far, that’s what I’d been doing. My mind had been preoccupied with the getting here – but now that I was here, however, it was a whole other matter. What did I do with my days? I mean, Chania was lovely and Andreas and his wife were charming. Nothing was too much trouble for them. But I wasn’t used to all this uncluttered time; all those empty hours when it was just me and my thoughts. Troublesome, uncomfortable ones I’d rather not have to think about.
‘Perhaps you need a purpose, Tilly,’ Nicos said one night over a cup of coffee at his restaurant as dusk was falling.
Which wasn’t entirely helpful. ‘I’m trying to teach myself the opposite.’ I tried to explain. ‘You see, I used to have many purposes,’ I told him. ‘In fact, you wouldn’t believe how many.’ I started telling him my life story – or at least, a selectively edited version of it. You know, the devastating part about Lizzie dying; the sad bits about Gareth and Olivia, then Gareth selling the house. The thought brought me up short. ‘He isn’t going to be happy with me,’ I said to Nico. ‘He wanted me to call him. He wants to talk about an offer we’ve had.’
‘Do not feel guilty,’ Nicos said solemnly. ‘He cheated on you. He deserves nothing.’
It was all very well Nicos saying that. And in a sense, he was right. But the house was always going to tie me to the past. ‘We have to sell it sometime. And he wants his share of the money so that he can buy another house.’
Nicos frowned. ‘Where is he living now?’
I shrugged. ‘At his girlfriend’s, I guess. I don’t know where that is.’
‘So he is not homeless.’ Nicos sat back. ‘This man is trying to make you do something you are not ready for. Do not let him bully you.’
I stared at him, slightly shocked. ‘Do you know what, Nicos? You’re right.’ If not exactly bullying, Gareth was definitely putting the pressure on. A sigh came from me. Why had it taken someone else to point that out to me? ‘What do you think I should do?’
‘I think you should not hurry, Tilly. If it is this year or next year, it isn’t important. Not really.’
