Page 34 of For One Moment With You
For whose benefit?I wondered somewhat uncharitably. I shook my head. ‘Thanks, but we’ve gone way past that. It’s nice of you to offer, but there’s no point.’ I paused. I could see it from Rick’s point of view, that when he would have done anything in the world to have Lizzie back, Gareth and I breaking up took some getting his head around. ‘I suppose it’s like when you meet the one,’ I said sadly, remembering before I met Adam, when I used to think Gareth was the one. ‘Like when you met Lizzie. Only in reverse. When you know it’s over, you absolutely know, if you get my drift.’
‘I’m so sorry, Tilly.’ A tear rolled down his cheek. ‘I can’t bear to think of you being alone.’ Something dimly lit up his eyes. ‘If you want the spare room at our place, you’re welcome, any time.’
In a million years, I couldn’t imagine how that would have worked out. Besides, their gorgeous cottage echoed with too many memories of Lizzie. ‘Thanks, Rick. That’s really kind. But I’ve decided I’m going away for a bit.’ I glanced at the clock on the wall. ‘Tomorrow, in fact. I’m sorry, but I have quite a lot to do.’
Still looking shell-shocked, he took the hint. ‘I suppose I should leave you to it.’
‘Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine, Rick.’ I paused. ‘And I know right now, it’s impossible to imagine, but one day, you will be, too.’
He came over and hugged me. ‘I’m going to miss you.’ Pulling away, he blinked at me. ‘Gareth’s an…’
‘Arse. Yes, I know.’ I forced a smile.
Hanging his head, Rick started walking towards the door.
‘Rick? Hold on a moment.’ My hub-instincts came to the fore one last time as I hurried over to the bag of discarded freezer contents, unable to stop myself as I fished out the cheesecake. ‘For you.’ I held it out to him, noticing it was already defrosting. ‘It was in the freezer. It should be fine for a day or two.’
He took it from me and I watched him walk outside. Standing there, I listened as he started his car and drove away. Rick had a nice car, but these days, even the engine managed to sound sad in some way. As the noise of it faded, I sighed. Of course I loved Rick, in a sister-in-law kind of way, and of course I was sorry for him. Lizzie was his world. But in time, he’d meet someone else. Probably sooner than he could imagine.
As I carried on sorting the house, my new reality descended over me. There were no two ways about it – as chapters go, this was a pretty shit one. But when I thought of Lizzie, I had to accept I was lucky. I was still here. However much I felt sorry for myself, I had to hope what I said was true. That however hard thisnowbit was, however long it took, I would be fine – eventually.
* * *
Later on, it all got slightly surreal as I called the boys to tell them I was leaving tomorrow.
‘Way to go, Mum.’ Robbie sounded impressed. ‘It’s really cool you’re doing this.’
‘Thanks.’ I liked how that sounded. ‘I’m a little nervous, Rob, but please don’t tell your father that.’
‘No chance. I’m not speaking to him.’ Robbie’s voice was bitter. ‘I called him last night and told him what I thought of him.’
‘Oh Robbie… He is your dad. He might be…’
‘A dickhead?’
‘Dickhead will do. But he loves you, Rob. Give it time, hey?’ There was so much more I could have said about Gareth, but none of it was going to help my boys.
‘Mum?’ Robbie’s voice was warm. ‘You sound really good. Have a safe flight. Let me know when you get there, won’t you?’
* * *
‘Tomorrow?’ Alex sounded shocked. ‘How long for?’
‘I haven’t decided, Al.’
‘Hang on. You haven’t said where you’re going.’
Suddenly I realised, I hadn’t told Robbie. ‘Well, you know that song, “Do You Know the Way to San Jose”?’
‘You used to sing it all the time when we were kids!’ Alex said. ‘What about it?’
‘That’s where I’m going.’ I wondered if he’d get it.
‘Wow. Mum, that’s awesome.’
‘It’s an adventure.’ Suddenly it felt like a long way away. ‘You know, you can still go back to the house – any time you want to.’
‘Yeah. I’ve spoken to Rob – about picking up our stuff.’ Alex was more practical than Robbie. ‘We’re going to come back together.’
