Page 30 of For One Moment With You
Tilly
I need to get away, El.
I pressed send.
Elena
Good for you.
She followed it with a heart emoji.
It took all night. But the problem was, by the time I’d finished going through the house, it was far more than a couple of boxes. When I got to Elena’s the following morning, as she stared at my fully laden car, she looked horrified.
‘Tilly. What is all this stuff?’
‘Letters. Photos. A few books. Old cards…’
‘Old cards?’ She looked at me disbelievingly. ‘You’re not telling me you keep old birthday cards?’
‘Only special ones.’ My voice wobbled, because each and every one of them was important to me.
‘And the other boxes?’
I shrugged. ‘There’s some presents Mum gave me. One of two bits of china, that sort of stuff. They have sentimental value, El. Pictures the boys drew me when they were small, things they made. I can’t throw them away. There’s my wedding dress, too.’
‘That does it.’ Elena looked ferocious. ‘I understand about photos and the boys’ things, but the wedding dress is the last straw. What else is in there that links you to that scumbag?’
‘My wedding photos,’ I said miserably. ‘They’re part of the story of my life, El. And so many family and friends are in them.’
‘So is Gareth. We’re getting rid of them.’ She stood there, watching me. ‘Come on. Give me the dress and the wedding photos. Then we’ll find some space where you can leave the rest.’
Feeling like a traitor, I passed her the zipped-up bag that held my wedding dress – and shoes – then rummaged in one of the boxes for the album containing our wedding photos. ‘I’m going to keep one or two.’ My hands were shaking as I turned the pages, pulling out a photo of Lizzie and my parents together, my eyes lingering on one of me and Gareth standing outside the church.
‘Hand them over,’ she said firmly.
Guilt filled me as I closed the album and passed it to her. ‘What will you do with them?’
‘Apart from stabbing Gareth in the eyeballs, you don’t need to know – in the photos, that is,’ she added hastily as I gazed at her in horror. ‘Is that all?’
Nodding, I started to carry what was left into her garage, stricken with guilt as I remembered buying my wedding dress. ‘Mum helped me choose it.’ Looking at Elena, I felt terrible.
‘Tilly, your mum wouldn’t have wanted you to keep it,’ she said gently. ‘Guaranteed. Not after what Gareth’s done. Same with the photos. I promise you.’
With too much still to do, I refused Elena’s offer of staying for a coffee. Back at the house, I decided my clothes were next. I took a deep breath, knowing that this time, I had to be ruthless.
Taking a fortifying glass of wine with me, upstairs I turned the radio on. As the mellow sound of Classic FM came from the speakers, emotion washed over me. Sitting on the bed, the idea of leaving was suddenly a step too far. But then I remembered what I’d said to Gareth. I wouldn’t, couldn’t, let him see me fail.
I switched the radio channels, stopping at the first that was upbeat. Then one of my favourite songs started to play, just when I needed it. I sang along.I want to break free…Wondering if this was another sign, a new sense of resolve came to me. The only way anything was going to happen was if I made it happen. Without further ado, I went to my wardrobe, pulled all my old work clothes off their coat hangers and piled them onto the floor; feeling lighter as I carried on, emptying drawers, chucking out anything that made me think of Gareth, keeping only the clothes I really liked.
By the time I’d finished, I looked at what was left, astonished that after all this time, how little there was. But this wasn’t just about my stuff. There were the twins to think of, too. First, I went to Robbie’s room, quietly pushing the door open, standing there for a moment feeling a Robbie-sized pang in my heart. It held his smell, the echo of his childhood, the things he’d collected over the years – which weren’t many. Unlike me, Robbie wasn’t a hoarder.
Alex, however, was. On the shelves in his bedroom were models he’d kept from his childhood, books he hadn’t been able to part with. Photos of him with friends Blu-tacked onto the wall.
I felt another pang, this time Alex-sized, before sadness overwhelmed me. The boys were the most important people in the world to me. I had to talk to them again. Let them know I’d be back before the house was sold; that whatever was going on right now, one day, there would be another home, with me; a place for all the things they wanted to keep.
* * *
When I spoke to them, Robbie was pragmatic. ‘I’ll get my stuff sometime, Mum.’
