Page 12 of For One Moment With You
She held out her hand. ‘Good luck, Tilly.’
* * *
I don’t remember leaving her office or even walking through the doors. Just that I was suddenly outside the building, standing there, wondering what the heck I’d just done. Not only was I husbandless, I was now jobless too – though I had only myself to blame for that.
As I watch myself stand on the street, I didn’t seem to notice as the clouds parted and the sun broke through. In fact, I’m not sure what I was thinking as I stood there. All I remember is how as I contemplated never coming back here again, I was aware of a glimmer of my old spark, before my vision blurred and the streets started to fade. Then they were gone.
5
Every new beginning comes from some other beginning’s end.
SENECA
The closing of doors is generally a sign, I’m starting to realise. In my case, Gareth meeting someone else, then me leaving my job, albeit it being my idea, was all a huge great boot up the proverbial from the Universe – I can see that now. At the time, however, it was an unwanted turning point that felt as though it had been foisted on me. OK, so I could have gone back to work. But could I?Really?I can’t help wondering if on a subconscious level – one that I’d managed to completely lose touch with – an inner part of me had known I needed to leave.
As I lie there, I’m aware of the electronic beeping sounds that are measures of my heart rate, my breath, such things that the essence of life boils down to. They sound steady, regular. But then fear has me in its grip again. My limbs are leaden and I still can’t open my eyes.What’s happening to me?
As the hospital sounds fade again, I find myself back in the past – this time, much longer ago, in the flat Gareth and I shared before moving to the family home we still own. The flat seems small and a bit on the untidy side, but back then, I just loved that it was ours.
I watch my old self walk in, as I work out exactly when this was and that I was carrying the bottle of wine I’d gone to buy before bumping into Adam. From his place stretched out on the sofa, Gareth barely moved.
Was he really that lazy? If so, why didn’t I say something?
* * *
‘I was about to send out a search party.’ He flicked through the TV channels. ‘Did you get the wine?’
‘Yes. I bumped into Lizzie.’ It wasn’t a lie. ‘It’s a lovely evening. I hope the weather holds till Saturday.’ But the flat felt claustrophobic and I went over to the window and pushed it open. ‘I’ll pour us some wine.’
I went into the kitchen and got out a couple of glasses. As I opened the bottle, I felt my mobile buzz in my pocket. Getting it out, I saw the text from Lizzie.
Lizzie
Is there something you’re not telling me???? xxx
I replied:
Tilly
Nothing. Like I said, Adam and I bumped into each other xxx
She came straight back to me.
Lizzie
I would believe you, sis, if he wasn’t so gorgeous!
But here, in the flat, I couldn’t think about Adam.
Tilly
Please don’t, Lizzie. Gareth’s home. We can talk in the morning xxx
I pressed send, then looked up to see Gareth standing in the doorway. ‘Everything OK?’
‘I was just replying to Lizzie.’ After switching off my phone, I poured a glass of wine and passed it to him. ‘It was about the marquee. We’re going to start decorating tomorrow!’ I put my phone away and poured myself a glass. Going over to Gareth, I chinked it against his. ‘To us,’ I said softly, willing him to respond. To say something that confirmed hesawme.
‘Cheers.’ He held my gaze for a moment that ended abruptly as he glanced around the kitchen. ‘Have you seen the menu for the Chinese? I thought we could have a takeaway.’
