Page 38 of Charming the Cowboy
He practically growled. “I don’t do crushes.”
“No. Of course not. That’s way too soft. Do you want me?” What was the point of even asking that question? In fact, asking here was probably the worst place. They were going to get sneaker-waved out into the abyss because she had brought up kissing.
It was a real concern.
“I don’t think that’s a question that it benefits either of us to answer.”
“No,” she said, waiting to be washed away on the tide. “I know it doesn’t. Because you think I’m silly.”
“I do.”
“And you’re my brother’s friend.”
“Yes, I am.”
“And I’m cursed.”
“Ridiculous.”
So we can’t.”
He turned to look at her. “Yeah. We can.” He sighed. “Not for those reasons, Eliana. Because you’re a virgin. And I’m not going to be your first. It would be a mistake. I can’t offer you the kinds of things someone should offer a woman who’s waited as long as you.”
He might as well have slapped her with a fish. “Excuse me? Did you not hear the whole story about why I’m still a virgin – and great, really glad we’re announcing this to everybody out here.”
“Alternatively, you can keep your voice down.”
She ignored him and continued. “I don’t want it. I tried to get rid of it. I’m not saving myself for anybody. I’m just stuck. And you may not want to acknowledge the curse, but I have no choice but to acknowledge it. I’m rescuing you by not seducing you, quite frankly.”
“Are you?”
“Yes. Because it could quite literally be the last thing you do.”
“Do you think so?”
“I’m cursed. All the men who fall in love with women in my family–”
“You’re making a big leap between sleeping together and…that. I don’t want to fall in love. I don’t want to get married. I don’t want to have kids. None of that.”
“Well. Well. Maybe you wouldn’t be able to help it.”
“That’s ridiculous.”
She was so offended, and somehow, she had argued herself into a really weird position, and she wasn’t even totally sure how all she was offended.
“You don’t believe in the curse. That’s the thing. So you must just not want me.”
“No, I don’t want to hurt you.”
The silence lapsed between them. She couldn't imagine what it would actually be like. To have the full force of his attention on her. To actually be wrapped up in a relationship with him. In a situation. It was almost impossible to imagine, because he had been a fantasy for so long, and she had decided a long time ago that she didn’t get to have her fantasies.
She already knew that about herself. She didn’t get to have them because she wasn’t that girl.
Whatever the reason. Honestly, it was more comforting to believe she was cursed.
Except that it gave her real, existential dread for Cooper.
“I’ve been hurt,” she said. “By life. I’ve already lost my dad, I am… I’m lonely, Cooper. I love my mom and my grandma, I love Marcus. It’s great when he’s in town. My friends are in and out, you know how this place is. They leave for a while, they come back. When they’re back, it’s great. My closest friends are married with kids, and that’s wonderful. I’m happy for them. But I also feel like I’ve been left behind. If you think that you have the power to hurt me… I don’t know. I don’t know, man. I feel like you’re overestimating yourself just a little bit. I feel like, maybe you aren’t being very honest about how resilient I am.”
