Page 61 of The Marriage Deal
I disappeared to the restroom, no longer wanting to see them anymore. It was then, when I was alone, that I fully letout my emotions. They weren't tears. None came out. But I let out a frustrated cry. It was painful. However, letting it out was cathartic. I don't know what I was thinking, assuming that I could be with someone like Levi. Someone from this world of Italian villas and English castles. I didn't belong here. I barely fit in. I was a shoddy replacement for the real thing.
He's using you.
Billie's words came back and hit me like a bullet to the chest. What if this whole thing, our marriage, was to make Connie jealous? It's not as if he needed me to be his wife. He could have easily paid someone to do it for a fraction of the price. He certainly didn't need to sleep with me either.
He's using you.
What a fool you are, Elvira Edwards.
I patted my face to remove the sweat that had accumulated on my brow and straightened my back. I was going to go back there with my head held high. I wasn't going to be bothered by him or his perfect ex-girlfriend.
I opened the door to see him standing there, a fisted hand in the air about to knock, I presume.
"I was about to ask if you were in there." He said, smiling sheepishly. How dare he. "You don't look alright."
"Why? I am perfectly fine."
"No, you're not? Listen…”
A woman in her seventies came to stand behind Levi, bobbing her head, clearly wanting to use the restroom. Levi grabbed my arm, and we went back to the ballroom. The band was now playing an upbeat song, and people were in the empty space in the middle of the room dancing.
“Connie and I—"
A man spiraling away on the dance floor bumped into him, and he clashed into me, and I had to hold on to his arms sowe didn't both fall. "Sorry!" he said in a too loud voice, his face flushed with alcohol.
"Connie and I—"
"Go way back, I understand." My voice more curt and less casual than I intended.
"You seem mad."
"I am fine, Levi. I told you."
Another person bumped into him, and this time he scowled. "You don't seem fine," he said when he turned to face me. "Can I at least explain myself?"
"Explain what? You and I are nothing but fuck buddies in a sham marriage. You don't need to treat me like your girlfriend. You're not my boyfriend."
He jerked back, frowning. "But what about the cottage?"
"What about it?"
"I thought you meant that—"
"That you and I mean something more? I just wanted a fuck, and you had been holding out on me. That's it. We both got what we wanted in the end, didn't we?"
He blanched, and I almost wanted to take my words back. But if I was going to protect myself and my heart, this was the way to go. It was about time I realized that before I fell in love.
"So all that you said was just to get in my pants?" His tone was icy.
The room felt cold. Less inviting and the band suddenly sounded too loud. "You act as though you've never tried anything to get a woman to sleep with you."
"No. I have never done anything of the sort."
He left me standing alone in that ballroom, and I thought he was going to rejoin Connie, but instead he passed them and went to the balcony. I was too distraught with myself to stay there any longer. I went back to the room. Accepting the eerie, haunted silence of the cavernous chambers. I didn't sleep. Didn't try to.
I lay on my back staring at the frescos illuminated by the moonlight streaming in from the windows I didn't bother to close. The angels looked particularly heinous. Their faces contorted in anger. Or was it the shadows and the dim moonlight? I must have lain there for hours. And when sleep was about to catch up with me, Levi came in. He had removed his jacket and didn't have it with him. His bowtie hung untied around his neck. The light from the corridor framing him. He closed the door and marched into the room only to pause when he saw me staring at him.
"Are you still awake?"
