Page 84 of Possess Me
“Not by a long shot. But I didn’t know that at the time. She wanted nothing to do with me. She was doing her best to start a new life far removed from her old one. It took me two weeks to convince her to have a drink with me. Even then, she was none too thrilled about who I was, but I wore her down. You bet I did.” He developed a real smile, but it faded quickly.
“You have a way about you that refuses to be denied.”
“Yes, I do. Keep that in mind.” He pointed his finger at me playfully while his eyes reflected a gut-wrenching sadness.
“So you fell in love.”
“We did. We became inseparable. We moved in together. We had this cheap little apartment. Oh, it was nothing special, but we didn’t care. We were happy, determined to build a future.”
I snorted. “You? You’re rich. Wasn’t she good enough?”
“Now. Now. You don’t know my father or my uncle. There were no easy roads. Since they started with almost nothing, their children were required to work hard to prove themselves. That took me a few years. But I had big plans. I was going to move up and become a lieutenant, which would mean I’d earn more money. I was on my way when we took an impromptu trip. Hell, I didn’t even tell anyone we were going on a little vacation.”
“I bet she loved it.”
“She did at first. I had some money saved so we stayed in a very nice hotel, ate the finest foods. Then she fell ill out of the blue and we went to see a local doctor. Later, I teased her about getting married, although I was very serious.” He finally glanced away, but just before he did, I caught the look in his eyes and was heartbroken for him. “Fuck. I thought we were protected. I thought I didn’t need any men to watch out for us, but I was wrong. We were ambushed as we left the clinic. While it was apparent I was the intended target, since I fought back, she was… She was killed. Because of me.” He lifted his head so that I would be forced to look into his eyes.
His words had been perfunctory. At first. Explaining the memory as if the pain wasn’t raw and real, eating him alive. But I knew better. There was no denying the angst in his tone or the sense of despair resonating from every inch.
The memory was almost too much for him. Even in the ugly, dim lighting with the storm refusing to let up, I could see tears in his eyes.
Very slowly I stood, realizing I was shaking as much as his hand was. When I walked closer, he bristled and I thought for certain he’d shut me down.
But he didn’t.
He allowed me to nuzzle against him, which felt so out of place yet so right. “You weren’t to blame. The people who murdered her were.” He couldn’t even say her name because doing so would force him to relive every moment of the horror.
“You don’t understand my way of life. Or at least what was a requirement then. She was a weakness that was used against me by an enemy of my father’s. That’s what I still believe to this day.”
“Meaning you never found her killers?” The fact I did understand his way of life added credence to his concerns I was somehow involved with whatever game was being played.
He laughed almost bitterly and swirled his drink. “Remember what I said. There are soldiers for almost every mafia organization even today who are nothing but hired assassins, living and dying by their sword. They are masters of hiding who they are working for, so unless someone claims responsibility, the deed can easily go unpunished. Trust me. I tried. There were rumors. A fucking group of Italians. I almost started a war with my acts of vengeance. My father and my uncle had to step in or there would have been blood raining in the streets from Las Vegas through the Midwest. For a long time, I was ready to burn down the world and almost did.”
As he threw back the rest of his drink, I tried to think of something to say. Anything that would matter. “Are you still doing that?”
“In a way.” He grabbed the bottle of vodka, pouring himself another drink. “I no longer torch homes or interrogate anyone I think was involved, but the anger has never completely left.”
“Instead of acting on your need for revenge, you shut yourself off from being with anyone.”
He lifted his gaze, nodding. “Can you see why?”
“What happened was horrendous. Something tragic that no one should ever be forced to go through, and I am so very sorry for what you endured. I’m not trying to make light of the terrible act, but what good is shutting yourself off from feelings and emotions or from caring about someone? Your fiancée could have died from the illness she had or from crossing the street.”
I thought for a few seconds he was going to be furious with me, but he rubbed his jaw and groaned. “Exactly what my cousin and now current Pakhan has told me for years.”
“Why me, Vissarian? Why did you let your guard down with me?”
“Why? I’ve already asked myself that ten times. Because of your personality. Your damn hot ass.” He laughed when I gave him a look. “I don’t know all the reasons why, Fallon. I really don’t. But I’m not going to lie. You remind me of her. Not completely. Just enough to jar me into accepting that I’d given up living. For fifteen years.”
The moment shared between us was fragile, yet I felt such a strong connection to him.
“What was she like?”
He softened as I sensed memories came into his mind. “Quirky like you. She had a zest for life, but refused to take any crap from anyone.”
I could laugh. At least I knew he was appreciative of my quirky ways. “I wouldn’t think you’d appreciate someone giving you grief.”
His snort was adorable. “She kept me on my toes, but trust me, she needed to. She was good at everything she did. She’d never bartended before and yet was determined to become one. I helped get her a job in one of our clubs, even keeping her littlewhite lies a secret. Everybody adored her from day one. Because she was so… colorful, she made a lot of money. She was an animal lover. Just like you are. Being around you is the best of the memory while so much of me is hoping to forge new ones. I hope that doesn’t bother you.”
