Page 63 of Best Laid Plans
Cole’s brows knit together in confusion before he levels me with a hard stare.
“Because sex is the only reason we’re together?”
“I mean it is…or was…I don’t know.” My bent arms lift above my shoulders, palms to the ceiling. I’m literally the shrugging emoji.
“Wow.”
Cole just stares at me, then shakes his head, a sad smirk on his face.
“So, I was just your fuck toy and then you planned to walk away when you were done?”
“I don’t know, I didn’t plan any of this!”
“You’re using being a surrogate for your sister as a reason to not have feelings for me. That’s bullshit.” I’ve never seen Cole mad and I’m not seeing it now either, it’s more of a disappointment and that’s worse.
“It’s not bullshit, it’s how life works. There are no guarantees.” And just like usual, I dig myself deeper into a hole.
“You just assumed I’d walk away as soon as I found out about the surrogacy?”
He looks incredulous, it’s hard to look him in the eye.
“It doesn’t matter what I say. You’ve already made up your mind.”
What I hate more than anything is Cole isn’t angry. He just looks sad…disappointed. But I remind myself that I’d rather go through this now than lean on him during the pregnancy and then have him decide he’s not interested in sticking around. After my realization at the hospital yesterday, it would be heartbreaking. I don’t want to deal with either of those things.
“I’m sorry.” I gather my purse from the kitchen counter and move toward the front door.
“Yeah, me, too.”
After I leave and take the elevator, I’m hoping he runs to stop me. But it doesn’t happen this time either.
I think I’ve just messed things up for good.
35
Brooke
When I get to my car, I check my phone for messages from Ellie, and am surprised to find nothing. On the drive to her house I analyze what that means. Could she be mad that I was seeing someone? Or more upset that I didn’t tell her? I focus all my energy on thinking about Ellie, because if I let my mind think about Cole, and what just happened back there, I don’t know if I’ll be able to drive.
Ellie answers after what feels like a full minute of urgent knocking.
“I can explain,” I say by way of greeting, then I’m already moving past her into the house and toward the living room before she can respond.
Ellie follows.
“About?”
“Cole.” I take a seat on the couch, next to a blanket that Ellie must have been snuggled up in a minute ago, because it’s still warm. “I know you ran into him today at the clinic. I’m sorry I didn’t tell you about him. But really, there was nothing to tell. I hooked up with Cole before we even started looking into me being your surrogate, but then my hormones were kind of crazy and I wasn’t ready to give up sex, which I know we didn’t exactly discuss the whole thing about me dating or having sex, but I thought I would just continue to have sex with him until we did the embryo implantation thing so that I could have the most sex before not being able to have sex for a while. But then I liked Cole, for more than just sex, and I was afraid he wouldn’t want to be with me if I was pregnant with your baby, so I didn’t tell him about the surrogacy. He found out today, when he ran into you.” I pause. “Not that it’s your fault, it’s my fault. I should have told him. He actually took it well, but then I was an idiot and made him feel like I was just using him for sex. Which I was, but I shouldn’t have said it like that. He was hurt, and I got angry because I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.” I finally let the tears that I’ve been holding back escape. Ellie wraps her arms around me. I didn’t think I would fall for him. That was never the plan. I didn’t even think it was possible. I’ve been so guarded since my parents died, not letting anyone close enough to care about them. Keeping my relationships casual, and with guys that would never want more from me, because I didn’t want to know what it would feel like to want more from them. Until Cole.
“Oh, Brooke.” She envelopes me in a hug. “I’m sorry. I wish I had known.”
I hadn’t noticed before, but her face, which is normally full of color and rosy, looks pale, and her green eyes have bags under them. Because of the egg retrieval procedure, Josh had postponed their Glenwood Springs trip, and they just got back from four days relaxing in the quiet mountain town and hot springs resort. Ellie doesn’t look relaxed. She looks exhausted.
“Not to change topics, but you look terrible. I thought the trip to the mountains would be relaxing and restorative. You don’t look restored. You look like death.”
Ellie had texted me when they arrived safely in Glenwood Springs and to let me know she was surprised and appreciated me packing her nothing to sleep in. I think she was being sarcastic with that last one, but it was hard to tell via text.
Ellie bites her bottom lip.
