Page 6 of Courage of the Mountain
“Where to this time?”
“Texas. Some big music festival needs extra security. Sounds like it’s going to be a lot of babysitting drunk hippies, but it pays well.”
“Maybe you’ll like the music?” I suggest, trying to help him see the silver lining.
My brother grunts, which is about what I expected.
“Or try some weed to chill you out?”
Hayden scoffs, which makes me laugh. I cannot picture my stoic, brooding brother getting stoned and dancing to trippy synth music, though the thought is very entertaining.
“Are you planning to come home before your next gig?” I ask.
I’m met with silence, which means no.
“I… don’t think I’ll have time, Lils.”
He’s lying, but I can’t be mad when he uses my nickname. My brother sounds almost as heartbroken as I feel, but I don’t understand why. He can come home whenever he wants. I have a second bedroom in my apartment, and now that Heath’s in town, I’m sure he’d let my brother crash there for a bit while getting his bearings. As it is, Hayden keeps himself in isolation. I’m starting to think he’s punishing himself for something, but whenever I ask, he shuts down the conversation.
“That’s okay,” I tell him cheerfully, even though my chest feels like it’s caving in from loneliness. I don’t want him feeling guiltier than he already does.
“It’s not,” he replies. His words are a bit muffled, and I can just picture him scrubbing a hand down his face. I’ve seen him do it so many times over the years when he’s stressed out. “I’m…I’m sorry I’m not… I’m sorry I can’t be the brother you need,” he whispers.
“Hayden, you know I love you. I’m just worried about you.”
“You don’t have to–”
“Worry about you, I know, I know. But guess what? I still do. I miss you, and I want you to be happy.”
Hayden takes a few measured breaths while he considers my words. “I miss the old me, too,” he finally says. His voice is so quiet, I almost don’t hear it over the phone. “I’m trying to get back there; it’s just… complicated.”
I want to ask him a hundred questions and then slap him upside the head until he sees he belongs right here in Hope Mountain, where his friends and family would welcome him with open arms. I won’t pretend to know what he’s been through and what still haunts him, but I know he’s never going to process it all if he’s distracting himself with work.
“Tell me about you,” Hayden says, switching topics. I let him have this out. I’m just happy to hear his voice after finding that note a few minutes ago. “And all the happenings in the bustling metropolis that is Hope Mountain.”
“Oh my gosh, well, I can’t believe I didn't tell you this while you were here, but you know Sullivan?” He grunts a yes. “He went and found himself a beautiful woman who lives with him now at Willow Tree Inn. Oh! And Cutter is engaged!”
“That grumpy bastard convinced a woman to marry him? Are you sure she’s not there under duress?”
I laugh at his joke, loving this lighter side of him. I don’t see it very often. “Sadie is head over heels for him, don’t you worry. They’re kind of adorable.”
“I don’t know if I’d ever describe Cutter as adorable, but I’ll take your word for it.”
After a few more minutes, we say our goodbyes. I fling myself into my comfy recliner and let out a deep breath, wondering if Ishould have told him about the note. My fingers find the slip of paper in my pocket, and I pull it out. There’s nothing to tell him, really. And even if there were, it’s not like he can do anything about it when he’s hundreds of miles away.
Besides, maybe it fell when I was cleaning up the counter earlier today. Just because I found the note tonight doesn’t mean it was left there tonight. Maybe it’s been there for days or weeks. Maybe it’s not for me at all, but for the Fosters.
Keep telling yourself that, my inner monologue unhelpfully adds.
Eventually, I find the strength to peel myself off my comfy chair and drag my ass to my bed. I grab the lamp I dropped earlier and set it on the floor next to me in case I need to use it later. That thought sends shivers down my spine, and I know I’m not going to sleep a wink.
4
HEATH
“Are you sure you don’t need any more help? Gabby is having a girls’ day with Sadie, and I don’t know what to do with myself,” Sullivan admits. He rubs the back of his neck sheepishly, but the grin on his face tells me he’s not really that embarrassed.
“She’s got you wrapped around her little finger then, eh?” I tell him before clapping my friend on the shoulder.
