Page 49 of That Friendzone Feeling
Ihad sex—sort of—with my best friend.Andnow everything’s changed.
“Thanks.ButIreally need to turn in.”
“Okay,Iunderstand.”Hestrokes my cheek and dips his head to brush his lips against mine.They’resoft and warm and delicious.Andthey fit perfectly.
AllIwant is for him to come with me, climb into bed with me, and let me make him feel the way he made me feel less than an hour ago.I’venever yearned for anything the wayIyearn for that right now.
Butinstead,Ipull back from his beautiful kiss and slide my key into the lock.
“Thanks.”Iturn the handle and push it open. “Goodnight.”
Thewrought iron bed frame gently rattles asIsink into the giant soft mattress and slide my legs under the thick heavy bedding.
Manalive, it was good to get out of those cold damp clothes and slip into a hot bath.Finally,I’mwarm to my bones again.Andnow, in clean undies andT-shirt and in abedroomI’dlike to recreate in my next home,Ican try to put this weird, traumatic, stressful, and exhausting day behind me.
Ifit hadn’t been for the thoughts ofWalkerand the way he touched and kissed me flashing relentlessly through my mind,Imight have nodded off in the tub.
AsIsink into the huge fluffy pillows, my phone pings.Nevera minute’s peace, huh?Igrab it from the nightstand.
Oh, great.Ifonly it were a work problem, that would be way easier to deal with than my sister.
SARA (10:43PM)
Hey! I know you were busy while I was in NYC, but could we chat soon? Things to tell you.
Jesus.NodoubtMomtold her we need a new backer and asked her to feel out some of her wealthy friends to see if they’d be interested in bailing out her incompetent little sister.I’mdefinitely not in the mood to hear how we’re an unsuitable investment for them.
Idrop the phone back onto the nightstand and sink lower under the covers.Thisbed is pure bliss.Andit would be even more blissful ifWalkerhad been waiting in it for me, warming it up.
Iwish it could be that way.Ireally do.MaybeI’vealways wanted him but never realized it.Isure as hell realize it now.Allthose jokesI’vemade for all these years about him beingMr.Perfect, without ever thinking for a second he might beMr.PerfectForMe.
I’vealways known that whoever he ends up with will be the most fortunate woman alive.I’venever seen him treat anyone badly—even the lovesick undergrad atNorthwesternwho trailed around after him for months, “coincidentally” showing up in the coffee shop, or library, or wherever he was.Hewas always kind to her and even took time to get her a place in the student entrepreneur group.Okay, it might have been to keep her busy and get her off his back, but he did it all the same and he didn’t have to.
There’sa tiny part of me that thinksIshould just allow myself to fall for him.Togo all-in and see what we could be—maybe a power couple who live the happiest, coolest life, having world-rocking sex inWalker’sloft and wherever the hell else we like, in between making the world’s finest craft beers and building atmospheric brewpubs around the world.
Ormaybe it would be like that for a couple of months, then we’d have a fight.Whatwould happen when it ended?Imean, history has clearly taught me all relationships do.Whatthen?I’dlikely lose my best friend.
Notonly that, but all the fun we have running the business together, all the laughs and jokes and teasing, they’d be gone.We’djust be two regular business partners.AndmaybeWalkerwould spend more time at the brewery to avoid the awkwardness of being around me.Thedaily joy of working together would disappear.
Buthe’s not only my best friend and my business partner, is he?He’smy everything.Hemight have lost his parents, but he has a close family, with his aunt and uncle and brother and cousins.Ihave…well…Walker.
Outsideof him, there’s no one.
IfIscrew this up,Iscrew up my everything.
KissingWalker, wrapping my legs aroundWalker, putting my hands inWalker’spants and taking hold of his hot throbbing dick, has made the two most importantthings in my life—our friendship and our business—completely vulnerable.
Iroll onto my side and curl up into a ball, knees to my chest in the hope it might ease the knot in my stomach and the burning in my throat.
WhathaveIdone?
Theemotional fallout of driving us into a wall, followed by the construction site groping is too much to deal with right now.
Myeyes sting as they fill up.
It’slikeI’mone person with two halves—the half of me that wantsWalkermore than anything and the half that knows it’s too risky to try because it would inevitably end and could ruin everything.
Evenin the best-case scenario where it all worked out, to my parents he’d always be my hipster grad school friend who made home brew in his kitchen.
