Page 33 of That Friendzone Feeling
Shit.Ifthere are levels of self-loathing,Emilymust be somewhere around stratospheric right now.
“Ithought it was plugged in all afternoon whileIwas at the office, butIguess not.AndImust have forgotten to grab the cord becauseIwas in such a hurry to race back here to change before going to see him.”
Sheholds a finger in the air as if testing the wind. “Andthe reasonI’mback so late is because there’s an accident on theBrooklynBridgeand my cab was stuck forever.”
Iknow exactly how much she’ll be eating herself alive right now, and allIwant to do is take her in my arms and tell herI’msure she did the most incredible job because she always does, because she’s the smartest, most engaging, most brilliant personI’veever known, and no one could represent a company better than she represents ours.
Butinstead,Ipush my fingers through my hair and walk past her to the other side of the kitchen. “Shit.Thatis quite the evening.”Iswing open the fridge door and point inside. “Vanillastout?”It’sthe only one of our beers she’ll drink.TheoneIdeveloped specifically with her in mind.
“Oh, hell, yes.AndcouldIborrow your powercord, please, soIcan sendChasethe documentsIspent about an hour describing to him earlier?”
Ican’t stop a laugh leaking out. “Youdescribedyour presentation slides to him?”
Shesucks in her lips and her mouth turns up at one corner, as if she has the ability to control one side but not the other.Hereyes meet mine for the first time since she got back.Sheholds my gaze for a second then nods in slow motion.
“Oh, fuck,Em.That’shilarious.Andbrilliant.”Itwist off the cap and slide the stout across the counter toward her. “Hemust have seen the funny side.”Iopen the other bottle for myself. “Unlesshe’s a humorless asshole.Whichhe didn’t seem to be.”ButIwish he was.
Shetakes a giant swig.
“Hewould have found you delightful, and professional, and fabulous, and all the things you are,”Itell her.
Shewipes her mouth with the back of her hand. “Includinga classy, stout-swilling chick?”
Sheslumps down on a stool, rests her forearms on the counter, and holds the bottle with both hands.Sheflicks at the edges of the label with her thumbs. “Newcompany admin policy.Fromnow on, we copy everything to the fucking cloud.”
I’mconsumed by the need to console her, to stop her from beating herself up, to end her suffering. “AndIbet it actually ended up better that it happened that way.Itmeant he got to see that side of you.Ibet you hooked him even better than if you’d given him a full-on professional slideshow.”
Shetakes another glug, then leans back.
“Hedid seem interested.”Sheraises her eyebrows. “Interestedenough to want to go out to the island to check out how it’s coming along.”
“Oh, myGod.”Irace back to her side.Notonly has she got us another step along the road to survival, she’s done it under incredibly difficult circumstances.
“Jesus,Em.”Itake the seat next to her, resisting the temptation to do whatIwould normally do under these circumstances and hug her.Irest my hand on her arm instead.Christ,Ihate how weird everything feels now.
“Burythe headline, why don’t you.”Itell her, unable to stop my thumb from tick-tocking across the thick sweatshirt fabric.Ifonly there was nothing between my touch and her skin.
AllIwant to do is grab her face and kiss her again.Butnot leave it at a peck on the lips this time.Iwant to know what the inside of her mouth feels like and tastes like.Iwant to put my hands under that baggy top and find her warm curves.
Butinstead,Iwithdraw my hand and put some distance between us.Tobuy myself some time to get my errant mind under control,Istand up and walk back to the other side of the island on the pretext of dropping a bottle cap in the trash.
“Idon’t know,” she says. “Ican’t let myself believe it might happen.Imean, would you entrust millions of your dollars to someone who can’t even power up a computer?Idon’t want to get our hopes up.I’mscared it might not happen.Thatwe can’t pull it off.ThatIcan’t pull it off.”
Myteeth automatically clamp together. “Andthis is whyIhate your parents.”Ifold my arms across my chest, the bottle cold against my bicep. “You’rethe most capable personIknow, but because of them you have no faith in yourself.”
Emilystares at the label on her drink and picks at it again.
“Youshouldn’t say you hate them,” she murmurs. “They’remy parents.”
“Andoutside of my family, you are the most important person in my life.Andyou should have walked in here tonight punching the air.Youshould have had a smile as wide as theLincolnTunnelas you told me you’ve talkedChaseCooper—ChasefuckingCooper—another step down the road to backing us.”Ijab the air with my finger. “Butinstead, you stared at the floor and barely spoke because you think you’ve failed.SoIbelieveIhave every right to be not particularly fond of the people who made you that way.”
There’ssilence for a second before she looks up from her label-picking. “You’rethe most important person in my life too.”
Myheart expands and beats a little faster.Thosewords are the most delicious food for my soul.
Sheholds my gaze as she continues, her voice almost a whisper. “You’vebeen there for me, and on my side, more in the last ten years than my parents and sister ever have.”
Nowmy swollen heart might be about to crack in two.Isqueeze my eyes shut and drop my chin to my chest. “That’sthe most wonderful and saddest thing in the whole world at the same time.”
